Several hours later, I second-guess my decision to ask Cassie for help in my training. She’s relentless and a lot tougher on me than I expected her to be. Leanne’s stepped in several times to tell Cassie to be less aggressive. However, it seems to go in one ear and out the other. Cassie refuses to hold back, and while I appreciate her help, I wonder if her aggression may stem from her anger with me.
By midday, my body screams for rest. Cassie hasn’t hurt me, but she’s forced me to slowly fight her. She throws a soft punch, and if I cower rather than block her, she hits me with her fist. It’s not hard enough to truly hurt, but it threw me for a loop the first time she followed through. It isn’t a technique anyone else tried before—no one ever laid a hand on me during training.
Lunchtime approaches fast, and I know Dad will be home from work soon. I wish I had progress to show him, but all I’ve managed to accomplish throughout the morning is to duck away from Cassie’s punches rather than cower. Leanne tried to praise me for the minuscule step forward, but I want to be better.
Leanne demands several water breaks through the day, which I truly need, but I’d rather we didn’t pause at all. It only interferes with my precious training time. I won’t tell Leanne my thoughts because I know they need breaks and food, even if I don’t want it, so I quietly agree.
As I face off with Cassie once again, murmurs from the back door grab my attention, and I glance over my shoulder. Before I can blink, Cassie swoops her leg through mine, and I land with an audible thud on my back in the grass. The fall knocks the wind out of me, and I likely resemble a gaping fish as I beg my lungs to cooperate and suck in precious air.
“Cassie!” Leanne scolds, rushing to my side and placing her hand over mine. Her attention remains on Cassie, though. “You’re being too rough with her, Cassie. You need to take it down a notch.”
Cassie frowns, and I sense an argument looming. A quick glance to the back door shows Jaxon and Caleb watching us. Jaxon has a hand on Caleb’s chest, holding him back. I can’t hear what he says to Caleb, but I assume it’s something along the lines of ‘she deserved it.’
“I’m fine.” I cough and roll to my side, pulling in long breaths and working my lungs again before stumbling to my feet. “It just caught me off guard. I’m okay, though.”
“Don’t get distracted,” Cassie chides, her arms crossed firmly over her chest.
“Cassie...” Leanne starts, her tone low and full of warning. She doesn’t have a chance to say whatever she was thinking, though. My father steps into the backyard and calls for us all to come inside before he disappears back inside the house. His timing is impeccable. I want to thank him for defusing a potential bomb, but I don’t want to bring up the tension.
We all congregate in the kitchen where my father waits patiently for us to join him. “I brought lunch,” he announces while pulling burgers and fries from brown paper sacks. “I figured no one would be up to cooking, and I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving.”
Leanne pecks his cheek as he hands her a burger. “You’re always thinking ahead.”
“I try.” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, and she giggles like a schoolgirl as she walks away.
Normally, their easy show of affection makes me happy, but in my current situation, it twists my stomach and brings tears to my eyes. I duck my head and focus on my shoes to prevent the tears from falling.
Caleb hasn’t left the house at all today. It distracts me to know he’s only a few feet away, yet I can’t run to him and tell him that I love him or hug him tight and enjoy his embrace. He and Jaxon haven’t said a word to us all morning, but they’ve remained where they can watch the training session. I’m not sure which is worse: Caleb attempting to speak to me and be friends or him ignoring me completely, even while we’re in the same vicinity.
I shake the thoughts of Caleb from my mind and grab my lunch. I’d rather head back outside and start working again because I don’t think of Caleb as often while I’m defending myself against Cassie or running. It would be rude to ignore the food my dad brought to me, though, so I take a seat with everyone else and munch on a few fries.
“So, I had a thought,” Leanne announces after we all settle at the table.
Dad lifts a brow. “Did it hurt?”
Leanne’s jaw drops, though she can’t stop a few titters from escaping. “You’re going to get it, Mark.”
“Get what?” He feigns innocence. The facade drops when Leanne throws a fry at his head, and he chuckles. “Sorry, I’ll be good. What was the thought?”
“We should probably call it a day with training,” Leanne suggests carefully. Her eyes remain fixed on mine. “It’s been a long morning, and overdoing it will only hurt you in the long run, Riley. You don’t want to push yourself too hard and end up regretting it.”
“What the heck would we do instead?” Cassie grumbles, obviously opposed to the idea.
Leanne shrugs. “The house needs a good scrub down. We could divide and conquer.”
Jaxon and Cassie make sounds of dismay, but quickly fall silent when Dad shoots a warning glare their way. He softens as he turns to Leanne. “I think it’s a great idea. Who do you want on which tasks?”
Leanne mulls things over in her mind for a moment, then shrugs again. “I’d suggest you for dusting, Mark. You’re taller and not allergic, so it’s kind of a no-brainer.”
Dad nods. “I can do that. Last time we did a deep clean, I got tired of taking that stepstool around, so I bought the duster with the extended handle. I haven’t used it yet, so I can test that sucker out.”
Cassie smirks and rolls her eyes dramatically. “You lead an exciting life, Mark.”
“It’s the newest model,” he protests. “It has extra clingy fabric on the duster.”
“Oh?” Cassie feigns interest in his new gadget. “Tell me more.”
“Jaxon,” Leanne turns to her son, effectively cutting off Cassie’s sarcastic display. “Can you please collect all the trash and put new bags in? A few of the cans could probably use a decent wipe down, too. I know most of the bedroom trashes are empty or close to it but check them all, anyway.”
Cassie points her finger and laughs tauntingly at Jaxon, which earns her a stern look from Leanne. “You get to help him with it, Cassie. While he gathers everything up, you can wipe the cans out. Then you can clean the bathroom downstairs.” Her new chore list shuts Cassie up quickly, and she finishes her lunch with an overly exaggerated pout.
“I’ll organize the kitchen cabinets and sweep,” Leanne adds between bites. “Caleb, will you please clean the upstairs bathrooms and vacuum up there?”
Caleb silently nods, his eyes remaining fixed on his uneaten burger. I want to ask why he didn’t eat, but I can’t bring myself to talk to him.
Leanne addresses me last. “Riley, will you work on the windows, then mop after I sweep?”
“Of course,” I readily agree.
I’ll do whatever I can to help around the house. It isn’t a messy home, but it does need a typical deep clean, which takes the participation of everyone. If I can’t be outside training, I’ll use my chores as a distraction.
Leanne occasionally hires someone to come in and clean the place, but she once told me that it’s pointless when there are plenty of us living in the house with the ability to pick up a broom. I tend to agree with her, but it’s not the popular consensus. I guess it’s been a while since everyone had the time to pitch in and scrub the place down.
“Perfect.” Leanne claps her hands together with glee and hops up to clean her lunch mess. “I’ll get started while you guys finish. No taking forever to prolong this, either.” She gives Jaxon and Cassie her mom-stare, and they cringe in unison.
As much as I want to be hungry, food just doesn’t appeal to me in the least. It actually turns my stomach, and I’d rather not make myself sick. So, when Leanne strides away to start on her chores, I stand to follow suit.
“You didn’t even eat.” Caleb stops me and points to my untouched burger.
His voice alone breaks my heart in half, and I wish I could simply run away from the pain. It’s an actual physical ache in my entire body to be apart from him, even while he sits across from me. I assumed it was part of breaking up with someone and hoped the pain would lessen with time, not intensify. It’s come to the point where the ache grows stronger by the hour, and my ability to push it aside and ignore it weakens just as quickly.
Caleb’s accusation causes Dad’s attention to dart to me, and he frowns when he finds my food untouched. I look from my dad to the burger and back again. “Is it okay if I wrap this up and eat it later?” I don’t want to offend my dad. He went out of his way to bring us lunch, but my stomach churns when I attempt to take the smallest bite—even the few fries I had don’t sit well.
Dad’s brow draws together. “Yeah, kiddo, that’s fine. Are you sure you’re not hungry, though?”
“I’m sure.” I wrap my burger and set it in the fridge before he changes his mind and asks me to finish it. It won’t be in the fridge long—Cassie or Jaxon will devour it in a few hours if they find it, but I feel the need to placate my dad. “Maybe, I’ll want some later.”
I hurry out of the kitchen before anyone can call me out on my lie. I won’t want any later, and they likely know it as well as I do. I can only stomach little bits of food at a time, I can barely sleep, and my body screams at me the longer I’m without Caleb. I’d love to know how long the torture will last before I finally feel somewhat sane again. Maybe since I still love Caleb, I’ll always be miserable. He doesn’t want me, but the feelings aren’t mutual. I don’t know if there’s a way to break a bond or if ours was a glitch in the system, but I would assume the break up would need to be two-sided to sever a bond with such strength. It’s like two people pulling at the tether when neither are in love. When one is in love and the other isn’t, it may as well be him pulling the cord away while I hold on for dear life and chase after him. No matter how many times I remind myself that he doesn’t love me, I can’t let go of my love for him.
My thoughts consume me as I enter the laundry room to gather cleaning supplies. I do my best to push them away, but ignoring the pain in my chest becomes more difficult with each thought of Caleb.
“Hey, kiddo.” My dad’s greeting startles me, and I spin around with a yelp of surprise. He stuffs his hands into his pockets and tries to hold in a grin. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I figured you’d heard me follow you. Leanne always tells me I walk like a tap-dancing elephant.”
“I was lost in thought, I guess.” I scan the room, subtly seeking out the supplies I’ll need. The sooner I start my chores, the sooner I’ll have a distraction to keep me busy.
“Before you get started on your chores, I wanted to show you something.” Dad takes several steps backward, moving toward the door. “Would you come with me for a minute?”
Hesitantly, I nod and follow behind him. My mind scrambles to come up with something he may want to show me, but nothing logical fits. Of course, a fleeting thought crosses my mind that he may have considered showing me the door, and he’s about to tell me to get out. After months with this man, though, I find myself seriously doubting he’d throw me away with such ease. Over the last few weeks, especially, I’ve found myself growing more comfortable in his acceptance of me. He’s shown me, rather than told me, that he cares and that he wants me around. After everything I did and how I messed up, he didn’t throw me to the curb or shun me. His actions say a lot without uttering a single word. He brought me food and tried to talk to me several times. He asked how I was and promised to be available when I needed anything at all. His actions speak louder than any words he’s ever spoken.
I follow him all the way to the garage, nearly running into his back when he comes to an abrupt stop in the center of one of the open parking spots. He sidesteps and allows me to see what’s in front of him. He doesn’t say anything, simply lets me take in the sight. I don’t understand what he’s trying to show me, though.
“It’s a mannequin?” I phrase it as a question because it doesn’t look like any mannequin I’ve ever seen, but I can’t figure out what else it might be.
Dad coughs in a failed attempt to cover his laughter. “Sort of.”
He pats the torso of the lifelike dummy. From the waist up, its features are that of a grown man, and the detail on him is better than the mannequins I’ve seen in clothing stores. There’s a metal pole attaching him to a large round base, something else I’ve never seen on display in stores.
“It’s kind of like a human-shaped punching bag,” Dad explains. “I was thinking about it while I was at work this morning, and since you can’t stand the idea of hitting an actual person, maybe hitting a foam-filled person would be easier.”
I blink several times, unable to come up with anything to say. My first instinct is to laugh and call his idea crazy. But the more I think about it and the more I study the dummy, the less crazy I find his suggestion. He might be onto something, and I’d show actual progress while practicing self-defense on a fake person. If it doesn’t work, though, I don’t want to disappoint my dad more than I already have.
“It’s just an idea, Riley.” Dad steps closer to me and rests his hands tentatively on my shoulders. “If it works, great. If not, then Jaxon will use it. He mentioned wanting one anyway, and with Christmas coming up, I can save it for that if you decide you’re not interested in it. No harm, no foul. Don’t feel like you have to use it.”
“How did you know that’s what I was thinking?” I wonder aloud.
His laughter causes his eyes to crinkle around the edges. “It’s easy to tell when you’re worried about something.” The laughter fades, and he draws his brows together. “Well, it’s easy for me, anyway. It wasn’t easy a few months ago. Actually, it was nearly impossible to read you a few months ago, but I’m learning.”
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, dropping my head as my cheeks heat with shame.
“Hey.” He squeezes my shoulders gently, urging me to look back to him. “It’s not a bad thing. It means that I’m getting better at being your dad. I always want to know when something bothers or upsets you. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s going on.”
It’s clear he’s referring to more than just the worry of disappointing him by not using the mannequin. He wants me to open up about how I feel since the attack at the mall and everything that has happened since then. Part of me wants to, but I can’t find the right words to start the conversation. Plus, it’s highly likely I’ll break down if I even try, and I don’t want my dad to have to deal with me in such a sad state.
My silence is the only reply he needs, and I see the sadness flash in his eyes. Guilt sets in as he steps away from me. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk, kiddo. No matter what, I’m always here for you.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I whisper.
He slowly wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a hug. It’s the first time in a while he’s hugged me, and I didn’t realize how badly I needed it until now. Tears sting my eyes as I wish I could talk to him about everything and ask him what I should do, but I just don’t know how.
Too soon, he backs away and lets out a dramatic sigh. “Let’s get going before Leanne comes chasing us down. If we get caught slacking off, she’ll make us clean under the stove.”
As much as I wish we could stay hidden in the garage, it’s for the best that we get to work. Dad’s right Leanne wouldn’t be pleased if we ditched her cleaning spree. She dictated who does what, and knowing her, she’ll be checking up on all of us throughout the rest of the day to be sure no one slacks off. I have a feeling Jaxon and Cassie will be watched like a hawk, and it’ll be nice for all eyes to be off me for a while.
“Riley!”
My brother’s thunderous shout startles me enough to cause the bottle of window cleaner in my hand to slip free, landing on the floor with a thud. I spin around to face the entrance of the game room rather than the window I’d been working to clean. Whatever Jaxon’s reasoning for yelling for me is, it can’t be good. He sounds angry, and my heart skips a beat as I listen to his footsteps pound up the stairs, coming straight for me.
Everyone else is busy with their chores, and I’m the only one on the top floor, which means no witnesses to whatever might happen. Last time I saw my dad, he was in his office with a can of dust spray and a rag. Leanne had all the contents of the kitchen cabinets on the counters, and she was sorting through everything. Dad hooked up the classic rock station to the speakers in his office, and it can be heard throughout the house. Obviously, it isn’t as loud on the third floor, but I can still make out which song is playing. It likely means they can’t hear Jaxon’s shouts. Caleb finished cleaning the bathrooms first and moved onto vacuuming, and the noise of it probably drowns out Jaxon’s bellows even from one floor below me.
My heart beats out of my chest as I watch Jaxon stomp into the game room, His eyes are narrow, and his chest heaves. He continues toward me until I step backward, pressing my back against the newly cleaned window. My movement stops him, and his scowl turns into a frown. Lighter, quick footsteps sound behind Jaxon, and we both turn our attention to the newcomer.
“Jax, leave her alone.” Cassie rushes into the room, wiping tears from her eyes even as they continue to fall. “It’s fine.”
Jaxon slashes his hand through the air. “No, this shit needs to be sorted out now. I’m sick of walking on eggshells and keeping my mouth shut. It’s gone on long enough.”
Cassie in tears isn’t a common occurrence. Something really bad must have happened, and whatever it is, Jaxon blames me for it.
“Riley, what the hell is this?” Jaxon asks, turning back to me and holding up a piece of paper in his hand I hadn’t noticed before.
I squint at the wrinkled paper, trying to make out the contents. However, it’s impossible given the distance between Jaxon and me.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, nearly too low for my own ears.
Jaxon bounds to me with the paper extended. My back is already pressed against the window, and there’s nowhere else for me to run, even though I feel the need to get away. I turn my head to the side and hunch my shoulders, blinking rapidly.
He freezes about a foot away from me. His tense shoulders sag, and his lips purse. “I’m not going to hurt you, Riley.” His tone contradicts his words and demeanor—he’s agitated and unhappy. “You should know by now none of us will ever hurt you.”
Except Caleb. I want to say the words aloud, but I bite my tongue to keep them in. He didn’t physically harm me, but leaving me was a hundred times worse than any hit I’ve ever taken. Not that I believe Jaxon would hit me. If I stop and think logically, I know he’s being honest when he says he’d never hurt me, but it doesn’t stop me from reacting the way I do. It would be like standing in a glass box and letting someone throw a bucket of water at you. You’re still going to duck away from the water, even though you know that logically the glass will protect you. With time, I hope the instinct will go away. After so many buckets of water, you’d likely become more comfortable with the protection of the glass than to trust the bucket.
Jaxon lets out a deep sigh and draws me from my thoughts. He lunges forward and pulls me into him before I can blink. My body locks up for a full minute while my mind catches up to what’s happening. “Riley, I love you. I’ll never hate you, no matter what you do, but especially for something that wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself, damn it. It’s killing me that you’re punishing yourself for this shit.”
His words confuse me but calm my racing heart. I wrap my arms around him, return his hug, take in a deep breath, then muster up the courage to say what’s on my mind. “Why were you yelling at me?”
Jaxon pulls away and holds out the paper in his hand once more. When I realize what it is, I cover my mouth in a failed attempt to hold in a gasp. He has one of the pathetic apology letters I tried to write Cassie. I’d thrown several half-written notes away and forgotten all about them until now. They were in and around the trash can by the desk in my room.
“I didn’t mean for you to see that.” My wide-eyed gaze jumps to Cassie as she works to pull herself together. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Stop saying that,” she cries angrily. “Damn it, Ri, you can’t seriously think that you need to give me any sort of apology. Do you really think I’m upset with you? Do you really believe anything that happened that day was your fault?”
“You should and maybe already do hate me,” I admit. My chin wobbles, but I push the tears back. “I tried to protect you, to keep you from getting hurt. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t do it.”
“Just stop it!” Cassie gives up wiping her tears and allows them to flow freely as she shouts at me. “You almost died because of me, and you’re the one apologizing? Do you even understand how twisted you have this?”
“Sweetheart.” Jaxon makes quick strides to Cassie, holding a hand out to her, but she bats it away.
“Seriously, Riley,” Cassie continues, her tone only somewhat quieter. “What were you thinking? Why didn’t you get away when you had the chance?”
“Wh-what?” I shake my head slowly back and forth, unsure how to process her questions. “They were going to hurt you worse than they hurt me. I had to try to stop them.”
Cassie shuts her eyes tight and hangs her head. “You shouldn’t have.”
My only response is a deep frown. She isn’t making any sense, and it’s both scary and confusing. I don’t understand what she wants from me. Luckily, she takes pity on me and explains herself.
“I screwed up, Ri,” Cassie whispers. I watch tears leak from her closed eyes and drop to the floor. “I was too cocky, and it nearly got us both killed. I thought if something bad had happened, I’d be able to handle it on my own. I didn’t count on getting knocked out and leaving you to fend for yourself.”
Jaxon wraps his arms around Cassie, holding her close even as she pushes him away. “You need to stop doing this to yourself, sweetheart. You didn’t mean for her to get hurt. It isn’t your fault that you two got attacked.”
“But it is my fault she almost died. I shouldn’t have insisted on going out that day,” Cassie bellows.
“No!” I shake my head rapidly. Jaxon and Cassie turn to me with wide eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever raised my voice before, but Cassie needs to understand. I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. “That doesn’t make sense, you didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t even conscious.”
“Ri, I should have been conscious to protect you.” Cassie steps away from Jaxon and moves closer to me. “I’m supposed to be your best friend, and I screwed you over because I wanted to go shopping. I was stupid, and I didn’t think before I ran over to the dark corner. Of course, I should have been wary, but I didn’t think before I acted.”
My tears finally begin to fall without permission—tears of frustration and heartbreak. She blames herself, and it isn’t right. How could she think she did anything wrong?
“You’re supposed to hate me,” I sniffle. “You haven’t spoken to me about what happened, and you were so serious this morning during our training. I was sure you hated me. I figured you were just trying to be nice by helping me.”
Cassie laughs loudly, though there’s no humor to it. “I was too freaked out to bring it up to you. I didn’t want you to get upset and go back to staying in your room. The two weeks you hid in your room was hell. All I wanted to do was come in there and talk to you. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was, but I didn’t know how. How do I tell my best friend I’m sorry I nearly got her killed?”
I point to the letter, still in my brother’s hand. “That’s what I was trying to do, as well. Those letters were my failed attempts at apologizing. I couldn’t come up with the words, and I thought writing them down would help, but it didn’t.”
“You really thought I blamed you because I got a stupid bump on my head?” she scoffs. “You thought I hated you for that?”
“You should.” I look from her to my brother. “You should both hate me for it. Jaxon, I’m sorry she got hurt because of me. I know she’s your soulmate, and I should have done more to protect her. I know how much she means to you.”
Jaxon holds up a hand. “I’m going to stop you right there.” He scrubs his hand over his face and takes a deep breath. “I’ve been doing my best to be sensitive and shit over the last few weeks. I have no idea how to act around you, Riley. None of us know what to do. You’re so closed off, and I’ve been really worried. You need to understand something, though.” He pauses, and his gaze bounces between Cassie and me. “You both need to understand something. Neither of you is to blame for what happened at the mall. The only two people who get to take the blame and my anger are the two dim-witted shit nuggets who attacked you two.”
Cassie starts to protest, but Jaxon cuts her off immediately by pointing at her, then at me. “You two are best friends, and you’ll always be there for each other. That’s just what best friends do. Neither of you planned for it to happen. You need to stop blaming yourselves and think about what you would have done if you’d been in each other’s shoes.”
Jaxon’s suggestion hangs in the air for a long moment. In the silence, I do as he says and think of what would have happened had I been the one who got knocked out right away instead of Cassie. I would hope she’d run away and get help, and I’d never want her to stay and fight. Though I know she would fare far better than I did, I wouldn’t want her to be in that position.
“I’d want to kill those assholes for hurting you,” Cassie admits fiercely after a long pause. “I think I get why you didn’t just turn and run. It’s what you should have done, instead of getting hurt like you did, but I know why you stayed.”
“I couldn’t just leave you there. I had to get the attention off you so they’d leave you alone,” I murmur. “But if you’d been in my shoes, I would have wanted you to run.”
“See what I mean?” Jaxon smirks with satisfaction—he loves to be right about things. “If the roles were reversed, you’d have both done the same thing. Now, stop beating yourselves up and go back to being attached at the hip.”
Cassie turns and launches herself at me. I barely manage to stay upright while wrapping my arms around her in a tight hug. “I love you, Ri. I was so scared when I came around and you were only half-conscious and covered in blood. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I love you, too.” I squeeze her tighter and sob into her shoulder. “I’m just so relieved you don’t hate me.”
“Never,” she sniffs. “I went hard on you this morning because I kept picturing you lying in that hospital bed. I want to do my part to help you rather than taking you away from training so we can go off to watch movies and shop. I wasn’t taking things seriously before, at least not as seriously as I should have. Now, I am. I figured we had time to get you trained, and we didn’t need to do anything drastic right away. Clearly, I was beyond wrong.”
We separate from our hug, but Cassie doesn’t let my hand go. “I was going to ask Jaxon to help me originally, but I couldn’t get him alone. But now I’m kind of glad I asked you. You’re a better fighter than I realized.”
“I do kick ass, huh?” Cassie giggles through her sniffle. It’s one of the best sounds I’ve heard in a while. She hasn’t been her bubbly self, and I now know what caused the mood shift. It’s great to hear her happy again.
“I can still help, though,” Jaxon offers. “I’m not sure what I can do differently now that I didn’t do before, but I can help.”
“Thanks, Jaxon.” I sigh heavily with frustration. Jaxon’s right about things being the same. He was doing his best before the attack, and I don’t know if his tactics would help any more now than they did before. Still, I’m willing to give it a shot if it means potential improvement. Plus, any distraction from Caleb is a welcomed one.
As if reading my mind, Jaxon hesitantly broaches the subject. “Listen, Riley, about you and Caleb... Can you tell us what happened?”
Every muscle in my body tenses. I want to talk to them about it, but I may break if I do. I can’t afford that right now. I need to work on gaining my strength, not losing it. “I can’t... Not yet.”
Jaxon frowns, his disappointment clear, but he doesn’t push the subject. “Just know that we’re here when you’re ready, okay?”
“Thanks, Jaxon.” I hug him tightly. “I’ll talk to you guys when I’m ready. I just can’t right now.”
“I get it, sis. No pressure.” He squeezes me back, then thankfully, drops the subject.
After several more hugs are exchanged, the three of us return to our chores. My mood lifts slightly, but the sharp pain and tightness in my chest remain, worsening when my mind drifts to Caleb. I rub at the center of my chest, vainly wishing for relief, and find myself wondering if the pain will ever ease. I’ve heard time heals a broken heart, but the hurt only becomes more real as time goes on.
It doesn’t take long for me to wrap up my chores. When I do, I decide to search for the one person I know will give me another job to keep me busy. As I pass the landing of the second floor on my way to the first, I notice Caleb standing in the middle with his palm to his forehead. He has the vacuum in front of him. It’s turned on, but he isn’t moving it.
All of my instincts scream at me to find out what’s bothering him, but I force myself to remain in place. He could be taking a quick break or wiping the dust from his eyes, and if I run to him, it’s an open invitation for him to wreak havoc on my emotions again. He wouldn’t do it on purpose; I know he isn’t malicious or vindictive. Still, the sound of his voice alone nearly brings me to my knees because I know I’ll never hear that voice say, ‘I love you,’ or tell me how much I mean to him. Friendship may be enough for Caleb, but to protect myself and my heart, I have to keep my distance. I’ve watched him, and I know he isn’t happy I don’t want to talk or be around him. I’ve overheard a few conversations with Jaxon where he asks why I won’t just talk to him. It kills me to hurt him in any way, but for once, I need to look after myself first.
Caleb rolls his head from side to side and gives himself a shake before he goes back to his vacuuming. Satisfied he isn’t hurt or in need of help, I push myself to continue on my mission to find other things to do. If I had things my way, I’d be in his arms, talking to him about what may be on his mind. Instead, I find my way to the kitchen in search of more chores and ways to keep myself busy.
My steps slow when I enter the kitchen and find the kitchen counters covered in all different types of kitchenware. I never realized we had such an abundance of kitchen gadgets.
“Do you need any help?” My gaze scans the clutter on the kitchen counters, then lands on Leanne, who is standing in the middle of it all with a square lid in one hand and a round bowl in the other.
Leanne’s eyes jump to me and light up. “Oh, Riley, I would love some help. I have twenty lids that have no bowls and ten bowls with no lids. I’m losing my mind.”
“I don’t think those two go together,” I tease, pointing to the round and square objects in her hands.
She groans and drops them onto the pile in front of her. The jostle of the mound of Tupperware causes an avalanche of plastic. Leanne and I watch in amused horror as the dozens upon dozens of lids and containers from the counter cascade onto the floor with a loud crash.
“At least they’re all plastic. Glass would have made a bigger mess.” I push a few containers off my feet and kneel to help her pick them up.
“No.” Leanne stops me. She chews on her lip and ponders. “Maybe doing this on the floor would be easier. There’s more room to sort shapes and sizes. I can wash them after we find the matching lid or container.”
“Good thinking.” She joins me on the floor, and I peek up at her. “Leanne.” I hesitate, worrying my bottom lip. She raises a brow, silently urging me to continue. “Why do you have so much Tupperware? I can’t think of a single situation where you’d use this much.”
Leanne throws her head back and hoots with laughter. “I don’t. Your dad does!”
I frown, though my lips twitch with the urge to smile as she continues to cackle. “This is Dad’s doing?”
“He has the weirdest addiction to this stuff. He’s always bringing home more with the excuse that we don’t have any lids that match.” Leanne points at the pile in front of us. “Though, he might actually be onto something with that. I don’t think I found even one match, and I’ve been searching for ten minutes before you showed up.”
“Do I even want to know what that crash was?” Jaxon strolls into the kitchen with Cassie tucked happily under his arm. His eyes bounce from me to Leanne, then to Mount Tupperware and back again. “Never mind, I can guess. If you wanted Riley to do the dishes, I’m sure you only had to ask her. No need to bury her under a pile of Tupperware.”
Cassie watches me hesitantly, and I do the same. I want her to go back to being unfiltered and bubbly around me, but I still have some anxiety over the whole ordeal we went through. Still, the need to have my best friend back outweighs the nerves, and I send her a shy smile in hopes that she catches on. Thankfully, she does, and I sigh with relief when she gives me a beaming smile and skips over to us without further hesitation. “I can help.”
Leanne freezes, and Jaxon’s eyebrows raise to his hairline. They both speak at the same time. “You will?”
Cassie huffs indignantly. “Sometimes, I want to do chores and crap.”
Jaxon scoffs and crosses his arms over his chest. “No, you don’t.”
“Shut it, Jax.” Cassie throws a random lid at him, which he easily catches.
“Wait! I think that one matches this bowl.” Leanne scrambles for the lid in Jaxon’s hands, doing a strange butt-wiggle-happy-dance while still sitting on the floor.
Cassie plops down next to me and leans into my side. Her tone lowers into a fake conspiratorial whisper the whole room can hear. “He’s right, though. I hate crap like this. But I want to hang out with you.”
“You’d sort bowls and lids just to hang out with me?” Though I meant it teasingly, it warms me to know she wants to spend time with me and she’ll do something she hates if it means we do it together.
All traces of fun vanish from Cassie’s tone. “I’ve missed you.”
My throat closes with emotion and talking becomes impossible. Instead, I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight. I’ve missed her, too. I missed talking to her and laughing with her. I missed watching her prance around with her carefree, devil-may-care attitude and mischievous smirks. I missed her jokes and inability to keep a straight face even at the worst times. I’ve missed my best friend fiercely.
“Nobody better cry,” Jaxon warns with a twinkle in his eye. He points to Cassie and me with narrowed lids. “I’m all out of tissues, and I don’t think we have any chocolate. You two quit the mushy, girly crap.”
“You’re just mad because you’re all teary-eyed, too, son,” Leanne chimes in. “It’s okay to get emotional.”
“Mom!” Jaxon screeches and throws his hands in the air. “I am not teary or emotional.”
“Okay, dear.” Leanne shrugs his tantrum off. “Whatever you say.”
Jaxon curses under his breath and storms out of the room while grumbling, “I’m going to build something with tools and drink beer and spit or some other manly shit that doesn’t involve hugs or emotions.”
“Why would he spit?” I wonder aloud while Leanne and Cassie giggle at his expense.
Cassie shrugs. “It’s supposed to be a manly thing, I think.” She leans forward and with a sweep of her arm, drags a large pile of lids toward her to begin sorting.
I raise a brow. “That’s not manly, it’s gross.”
“Most things men do are gross, honey,” Leanne informs me. “They’re dirty and dorky and dumb the majority of the time.”
“Isn’t that kind of harsh?” I pull my pile closer to sort through. “Not all men are the same, right?”
“Stereotypically, they are,” Cassie counters. “To some extent, it’s true, too. But they make up for it in other ways. They may do the dumbest crap sometimes, but when it really counts, they know what to do. They make all the guy crap we tolerate... well, tolerable.”
“Not all men.” I didn’t mean to say the words aloud, but they tumbled out before I can stop them.
Cassie and Leanne jerk their heads up, their eyes locked on me. I know they want me to elaborate, but I hadn’t meant to say anything in the first place. I keep my mouth shut and go about organizing. Eventually, they realize I don’t have more to say and they quietly return to their tasks.
Cassie may be my best friend, but Caleb is her brother. I can’t bring myself to drive a wedge between them by opening up to her about everything I’ve been thinking and feeling. Part of me is scared she’d take sides—I know it wouldn’t be my side. Then again, if she did pick my side, it wouldn’t end well between her and Caleb. It’s too complicated, and I don’t want to cause more issues than I already have. Instead, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself and hope more time with Cassie will take my mind off the man I’m madly in love with.