Ten o’clock. Only two more hours to go on my shift. So far I’ve made close to a thousand dollars in tips tonight. I don’t want to get impressed with myself, but I am a little bit.
Until my phone buzzes in my pocket.
I check it out as soon as I have a free second.
You’re nothing. You will die.
I jerk.
No way.
A few days have passed since my last threatening text, and I was hoping beyond hope that it was over.
My heart rate increases, and my animal comes out.
I text back. Give it a rest, Brindley.
This isn’t Brindley.
Right. And I was born yesterday.
Another text: You’ll get what’s coming to you.
Then one of my own: Fuck off.
However, I’m not nearly as brave as the text portrays me. I call Leif.
“Kelly? You okay?”
“I just got another text.”
“All right. Forward everything to me, including the number. I’ll get it to Reid for a trace.”
“Okay.”
I quickly forward all the texts, along with the number.
Did you get it all?
A few seconds pass. Yep, got it all. You need me to come over there?
“I only have an hour left of my shift. I’m okay. I want to finish my first night.”
“All right. You want me to pick you up?”
“No, that’s okay.”
Except I’m lying. I just told Macy I don’t lie. I do want him to pick me up. But damn it, I don’t want him to pick me up. I need to stand on my own two feet. I’ve been standing on my own two feet for so long, it’s who I am. It’s who I had to be.
“No. I’m going to get a cab.”
“You sure?”
“I just said I was sure, didn’t I?” I say with a caustic edge.
Damn, there I go again.
“Hey, I know you’re stressed out. About the text and all. Let me come get you.”
“I said no!” I end the call.
* * *
An hour later, I walk outside, half expecting Leif to be there.
When he isn’t, a surge of disappointment pounds through me. I mean, he was hired to protect me, right? He should be here.
You told him not to come.
I hear the words in Macy’s voice, not my own because it’s exactly what she would say, and she would be exactly right.
I told him not to come, so he didn’t come.
And you would’ve given him hell if he’d shown up.
Again, Macy’s voice.
And again, right on target.
I hail a cab. When I get home, I head straight to Leif’s apartment instead of my own. I knock on the door.
He doesn’t respond.
I knock louder and ring the doorbell.
Nothing.
Fine then. Isn’t he supposed to be protecting me? Shouldn’t he be home?
Maybe he’s at my place. He likes to let himself in, after all. I go to my apartment, slide my key, and open it.
“Leif?” I yell out.
Nothing. I walk through the apartment, check the kitchen, then my bedroom and bathroom.
No Leif.
Well, I told him I didn’t want him barging into my apartment again.
Except I do want him here.
And not solely to protect me.
Last night was…
Everything.
And I don’t say that lightly.
Like I told Macy, what I wanted was to be cleansed, but I got so much more than that. I felt, if only for a moment, alive.
And it felt good. Felt so damned good.
I sigh, sit on my couch, and stretch my legs onto the coffee table. I’m tired for sure. It’s been a long time since I’ve waited tables, but I’ve kept my stamina up with workouts in the gym here in the building. One thing I can say about the women on the island, we were all kept in good shape. We had to be in good shape. They wanted us to run. They wanted worthy prey.
I wish I could forget. I wish the time on the island just never came into my mind. But if I forget about that—about the abuse I suffered on the island—what am I left with?
The abuse I suffered at the hands of my own mother—torturous physical and emotional abuse.
In some kind of warped way, I’m almost glad I was abducted and sent to the island.
At least it got my mind off other things.
But which is worse? To be abused and tortured by someone who’s supposed to love you, or by strangers who have no relation to you whatsoever?
I already know.
Which is why it was so strange, being on the island. Why none of the other women understood my strange kind of envy. I’m not sure I fully understand it yet. Why did it disturb me so much to be in competition with the others? I didn’t want to be chosen, so why did I become angry when someone else was selected over me?
Because I’ve been yearning for attention my entire life…even the kind of attention that hurts.
It’s the only kind I ever got, and I got a lot of it on the island, especially from The Dark One.
I worked through the jealousy. I understand it was wrong, and it was a product of what I’ve been through in my life.
So maybe…
Maybe it truly isn’t Brindley who’s been sending me those messages.
Maybe it’s time to confront her directly.
I can’t right now. It’s too late and I’m exhausted. But I can find Leif, tell him what I’ve discovered.
Maybe it’s time to be honest with him. To tell him what I’ve been through. Help him understand why I am the way I am, and that although I still struggle, I’ve come such a long way.
I want him to know that I’m trying. Because I…
I feel things with him that I’ve never felt before. And I’m not just talking physical, though the physical was incredible. I feel something more. I’m not sure what to call it, but it’s a warm feeling. A good feeling.
An almost…happy feeling.
But is it happiness? I have nothing to compare it to. I’ve never felt happiness before.
I walk back over, knock on Leif’s door.
And still…no answer.