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Felicity groaned as Cyn flopped onto the bed, her hair fanning across the duvet. She brought her head up from where she’d buried it under the pillow to find Cyn grinning from ear to ear.
“I take it you had a good night,” Felicity said as she propped herself onto the pile of pillows.
“Not just good...bloody amazing.”
Oh, boy. This guy was in for it.
Cyn’s enthusiasm continued before Felicity could respond. “Tomas listened to me like everything coming out of my mouth was the most fascinating thing he’d ever heard. And you know I’m not really one for talk. I’d much rather shag him from now until Tuesday, but the way he hung on every word...well, let’s just say I think this one might last more than a day.” Cyn looked positively devilish as she paused for a breath. “He might even last a whole week.”
She restrained herself from rolling her eyes. “Right. Have fun with that.”
“What? You don’t believe me?”
“I know you.”
Cyn grinned. “Okay, you have a point. There’s just one thing I don’t get.”
“What’s that?”
“He seems really into me, but when I invited him back to my room he said he wanted to see me tomorrow. He didn’t come up. It was sweet that he was a gentleman, but he didn’t even kiss me. Not a peck.”
Man. This is way worse. He must really like her, and she has no idea what to do with it.
“I know this is a new concept for you, but some guys want to get to know you before they bang you.”
“You’re bloody hilarious! I get that, I do. I’m just impatient. Want to hear something really weird?”
“Mmmm...”
“I feel like I already shagged him. My inner thighs hurt so bad I think I’m going to enjoy that nice big tub after breakfast.”
Strangely, Felicity could relate. She felt as if she’d ridden the stallion from her dream last night. Her legs were achy too. “Well, enjoy your soak. I’ve got some work to do.”
“Oh, don’t worry. It’s my birthday! I have one mission for this trip, but you should consider having a little fun too. How did it go with Niall?”
She didn’t want to think about Niall. “Okay, I guess. But I have another blog post to write after breakfast. I don’t have time. You go ahead and have your fun. I’m not stopping you.”
Cyn sighed. “There’s no saying you can’t work and play.”
She knew that, but she wasn’t ready. She didn’t know when she would be ready, either. Right now, it was easier to focus on the story she was sent here for than to consider Niall. No matter how much she was attracted to him, she didn’t want to get hurt again. It was too much. Even though a holiday fling appealed to part of her, it would be wiser to absorb herself in her work.
“It’s just William and I only broke—”
“Do you really think he hasn’t moved on?” Cyn interrupted, her voice suddenly dropping in volume. And her tone had grown serious.
“I don’t know. And I really don’t care who he’s shagging.”
Cyn bit her lip.
“What? You know something, don’t you?”
“I didn’t want to tell you—”
“Tell me what?”
“He’s seeing someone.”
Felicity grew quiet.
“I’m sorry,” Cyn said.
She didn’t want him back, but the memory of their last fight was a festering wound. It kept replaying in her mind, even though she tried to block it out. She owned who she was: her life, her successes, her failures, her body. She firmly believed that no one could make you feel unworthy unless you let them. And truth was, most days she was happy being her. A supernatural blogger, recently single, who answered to no one but herself. That felt good. Better than good. Still, she had to know what Cyn was about to tell her, even if she felt sorry for the unknown woman who about to make the same mistake she had.
“How do you know that?” Are you sure you want to know? She hated second-guessing herself.
Cyn fingered a loose thread on the quilt. “I saw him at a restaurant the other day having dinner with another woman.”
“Maybe she’s just a colleague. It could’ve been a working dinner. People have to eat.”
“They were holding hands.”
Felicity looked away. Suddenly the unravelling thread Cyn was toying with mirrored her feelings.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t know how, and I didn’t want to see you looking like you do right now. You have to let it go. It’s time.”
Of course Cyn was right. The ones you loved the most sometimes had a way of hurting you the worst. They could tear your heart out while it was still beating, and crush it with words that could never be taken back. William had been really good at that. He’d taken every ounce of trust, used everything she’d ever confided in him, and turned it against her whenever they fought. Or spewed venom whenever he drank too much. Their last knock-down, drag-out fight was the one that had made her walk away with what little dignity she had left.
He’d never laid a finger on her. Wouldn’t dare, because Cyn and Nathan would make sure he could only shite sideways by the time they got done with him if his cruelty had been physical. No, the hurt William inflicted was just an emotional wound the size of Galway Bay.
Felicity closed her eyes.
Her heart breaks as he leans in the doorway with a drink in his hand. All she wants is for him to hold her, but she knows she’d get no sympathy or condolences from him. Not tonight.
“You don’t want to go out?”
“No, I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“It might help. I could take your mind off it.”
He reaches to kiss her, but she wrinkles her nose and pulls away. He’d been at it again. She knows it’d be easier to fall into his arms, but she can’t stomach giving him what he wants. Sex is easier for him than dealing with emotions. She gets it...just can’t bring herself to do it right now.
“Thank you, but I wouldn’t be much company tonight. I don’t feel up to it.”
He takes another drink. “What do you feel up to anymore?”
“My grandmother died. She was all I had left after my parents were gone.”
“You’re still here. It’s you and me.” His words slur, and his message rings hollow in her ears.
“You get that, right? That she was the only family I had, and now she’s gone?”
He sways in the doorway, a smile curving his thin, cruel lips. “I get that you always have something going on, don’t you?”
She says nothing. If she lets him continue, maybe he’ll walk away. Pass out on the floor beside the bed or something. But he keeps pressing her patience...
“You always have a problem, and an excuse to go with it. That must be very convenient for you. It’s never you. It’s me. It’s always me. Right, Felicity?” He throws back the rest of his drink in one long gulp.
He’s beyond drunk. Again. She knows he’s in a place where nothing she says will do any good. In fact it’ll only make it worse. Knowing that doesn’t matter, because she realizes she’s done. She’s had enough. She isn’t going to make it easy. It won’t do any good to argue, but she doesn’t care.
“Well, I’m sorry my grandmother’s death is inconvenient,” she snaps.
“Inconvenient?” The spark of anger in his eyes almost gives her pause. His breath smells disgusting as he lunges toward her, and for a moment, she thinks he might hit her. He never has. His eyes are wild, and he’s in her face.
She straightens, standing her ground as she meets his look with her own anger and frustration. She knows this might be a stupid move, but she does it anyway. “Are you going to be able to get up in time for her funeral tomorrow if you stay out late? It’s at nine. If that’s convenient enough for you.”
His laugh makes her want to throw something straight at his head. Ass. “I can if I decide I’m going, but with your attitude, why would I want to? You’ve been nothing but miserable since she died. I’m not like you—it’s a lot easier for me to get up in the morning than your lazy, fat ass.”
Her body goes stiff, but she raises her shoulders. This isn’t the first time he used her weight as a weapon, but that’s not what this fight is about. It’s just a hurtful insult to hurl at her because he’s drunk. She knows it, and knows this time will be the last. That promise flies off her tongue without regret.
“I don’t care what you say. Not anymore. I’m not going to put up with you or your drinking. Not this time.”
“Right then, who’s going to put up with you? Who’s going to want you now? No one wants you. No one but me.”
She wants to slap the look of satisfaction off his face, but resists the urge tingling her palm.
“If you don’t like the way I look, then leave. I can go out with Cyn and find someone who loves me for who I am instead of who you want me to be.”
He sways toward her, and she backs away. She’s stupid brave, but not completely unaware of the fact that he’s much bigger than her. Stronger. Not a winning combination in his current state of mind. But she’s finished with this and knows he’ll never reach her with how unsteady he is on his feet.
She lifts her chin. “And you can find someone else to put up with your bloody shite, because it won’t be me anymore.”
“Right. Go out with Cyn and act like her too. That’ll make you a whore—just like her,” he says with a slur.
“I don’t need this. I’m going to stay with her while you sleep it off. But I’m done.”
“Like you even got started. You’re lazy, fat, and you have a stupid job and stupid friends.” His laugh is even harsher. “Why don’t you get a real job? You call yourself a writer. Why don’t you write something that matters for once?”
“It does make a difference.”
“Right. To who? Those idiots who read your blog? Why don’t you go live in your fucking fantasy world? I suppose it’s better than trying to make it work in this one with me.”
There’s no making something work when only one person’s head isn’t in a bottle. Only one person reigning in their temper. One person invested. She can say that, can say so much more, but it doesn’t matter now. He has a long list of qualities he hates about her, and her writing is only one of them. Of course, his honesty about it is even more brutal when he gets like this. Her writing, her words get her through all the times she feels like she might fall apart or let life crush her soul. It’s the only thing left that he can’t take from her, and that makes him angry and insecure. That’s how he looks now. Losing control always terrifies those who need that illusion. She continues to back away, just in case that fear makes him lash out, but she can’t help the words that spill from her lips at his last disparaging remark. “Go to hell.”
The illusion of control he needs to believe in shatters like the mug he throws at a window. Its inner pane breaks, but the shards miss her entirely. Her heart breaks a little more. She grabs her purse, and the door rattles behind her as she slams it shut.
She hears him scream through it, “Fuck off, you stupid bitch!”
“Are you all right?” Cyn asked.
Felicity opened her eyes. Her curves, her friends, her work...none of it was relevant in the face of issues that couldn’t be ignored. No, they’d all been a bunch of bloody excuses. A means to justify his own behavior. Her eyes burned, but she’d never been better than the day she’d walked out that door and closed the chapter on those four years. Even though tears threatened to spill even now, she refused to cry. She’d shed enough tears—not over William, but over the times they’d had before his drinking and temper destroyed them.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re a terrible liar, you know.”
Cyn reached out and wrapped her into a fierce hug. She must have looked like she needed one. Felicity laughed. “I am, but I love you.”
“I bloody love you too, but it’s time you had some fun in your life. Remember fun?”
“Believe me, I’m working on it.”
“I’m not convinced. You’re letting that stupid arse get to you. I bet you won’t shag a single person before you leave this island.”
“What?”
“You heard me. See, I know you too, and you won’t do it. You don’t have it in you. I’ll have it in me before this trip is over. But I bet my sweet ass that you don’t have the guts to go through with it.”
“With what?”
“With a one-time bang—a bit of fun to get you back in the saddle again.”
Felicity thought about the dream she’d had of Niall. She almost laughed at Cyn’s choice of words—‘back in the saddle’. She also wondered if he really could kiss her until her toes curled. She was so tired of dwelling on the past. She’d picked William because he was fun at first, and he seemed like a safe choice. He wasn’t such an arse when they first met, but there were no safe bets in life. Stop thinking about him. It hurts now, but it’ll hurt less if you live a little. So this time she’d take a chance. After all, she deserved to be happy, didn’t she? She was going to start living again. And there was no better person to show her how to do it than her adventurous best friend.
“Okay, you’re on, but I’m raising the stakes.”
Cyn arched an eyebrow. “Fine.”
“I bet I’ll bang Niall before you get his gentlemanly friend to take you up on your offer.”
“You’ve got yourself a bet. Too bad you’re going to lose.”
Ha. Not bloody likely.
