Lisa came home from work tired and smelling like every fried food the deli had on the menu. She immediately ran up to her room and took a long, hot shower.
Dressing in a knee-length A-line skirt and fitted shirt, she added a touch of makeup, hoping to give life to her work-tired eyes. Lisa walked downstairs to the sitting room to put on her jacket in preparation for a chilly night out. Even while admitting to herself how much she had enjoyed the morning’s activities in Gigi’s apartment, Lisa was determined to keep from making commitments with anyone.
Gigi walked into the brownstone. Lisa knew she was planning to have dinner with a friend and patron who had recently visited one of her small gallery showings. As Gigi entered the front room, their eyes met.
“Heading out? I thought you just worked a double shift at Rick’s.”
Lisa bit her lip. “I did, but I do have plans tonight.”
“From the way you look, they’re not plans to go out clubbing.”
Lisa forced a chuckle. “No, not tonight.”
Gigi frowned at Lisa, clearly waiting for her to continue.
“Well, if you must know, I’m going out with Mark. He’s taking me to see that new movie everyone’s talking about.” She had noticed that Gigi was becoming increasingly sarcastic whenever Mark’s name was mentioned. She spoke his name as if it was pure venom on her lips.
“Will you be home tonight? I notice you’re spending fewer and fewer nights in your own bed.”
“What on earth are you talking about?” Lisa turned abruptly toward Gigi. Although it appeared Gigi was ready for battle, Lisa was feeling the exhaustion of her day so her temper was significantly diminished.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. When you go out with Mark, you’re out all night.”
“It’s the same when I’m with you.” Lisa hated feeling the need to explain, yet she somehow knew Gigi deserved her attention. “Besides, that’s not always true.”
“It certainly seems to form a pattern. Just like his time with you has its own pattern. Haven’t you noticed how unavailable he can be, particularly on the weekends?”
“When did I ask you to be my keeper? I thought we were friends.” Lisa stood up and looked directly at Gigi.
Gigi’s eyes narrowed. “I thought we were more than friends.”
Lisa tried not to let guilt overwhelm her. “I thought so, too, but I thought we agreed that there was no commitment, no exclusivity.”
“What you demand isn’t exactly what ‘we agreed.’ I guess you just don’t understand the concept of caring. Maybe your husband did have a real beef with you. No breakup is completely one-sided. Maybe he had a reason to go elsewhere.”
Gigi’s words hit directly in the heart. “That hurt.” She paced back and forth, glaring. “Yes, maybe I contributed to the destruction of my marriage, but I don’t need you, of all people, to shove it in my face.”
“Who better than a good friend?” Gigi lowered her voice, yet the bitter edge remained.
“Where is all this coming from? I thought you knew where we stood and were comfortable with it.”
Gigi looked on the verge of tears. “I never told you I was comfortable with it. Never. And maybe I’m getting tired of being too available when nothing better comes along, or disregarded when Mark decides to extend an invitation. You know he travels for his work and lives in Philadelphia. Well, maybe before the movie starts, you should take a couple of minutes to ask Mark a few questions.”
Lisa didn’t know what to make of this tack. “Such as?”
“Such as—” Gigi counted off each item with her fingers as she spoke. “Why he’s never in New York City during the weekends? Such as why, despite the fact that he has a phone in his apartment, he always wants you to call him and leave messages on his cell? Such as why you still feel the need to keep him at a distance?” Gigi’s voice sounded close to pleading as she continued. “You are too fucking smart to ignore this. I think you intuitively know more than you will admit, about a lot of things—and about a lot of people, including yourself.”
Unable to respond, Lisa turned away.
“When you can answer some of those questions, you may start getting to know who you can count on.” Gigi paused. Lisa could feel Gigi’s breath on the nape of her neck. “You may even find yourself able to admit where you’re happiest and share that knowledge with your children, one of whom could really use you as an example.”
Lisa buttoned her jacket. “I have to go.”
Gigi’s voice was much quieter, the bitter edge gone. “Oh, and one more question to ask Mark, why would a straight man come down to a gay club to hang out alone looking for companionship?”
Lisa spun around. “He’s definitely not gay!”
“That wasn’t what I meant. But ask him. Or think about it; you’ll find those answers for yourself.” Gigi reached out to touch Lisa’s cheek, but she shrugged away.
“I’ve got to go. I don’t want to be late for the movie.”
“Will I see you tonight—or should I say tomorrow morning?”
“I don’t know. I’m not working until the lunch shift.”
“That’s not much of an answer, is it? Maybe it’s time for you to go find some better ones.”
Lisa stalked out of the brownstone and down the street, looking for a cab. She caught one and gave the driver the address of the theater. While she was angry at Gigi for crossing the invisible boundary they’d observed until now, Lisa couldn’t help dwelling on her questions. They were all things she’d wondered about, but never all at once. Never in such rapid-fire sequence, and never so obviously in need of answers.
Maybe it was time to start thinking more clearly and not letting life just pass as a carefree ride. It had been almost three months since she’d filed for divorce. While the ease of drifting on life’s wave had been fun, it was time to start acting like a responsible grown-up again. She had been in regular contact with Barnes, but was still working at the deli. It was time for her to stop playing games.
Lisa thought of Kelly and Chris. She always visited with them in Connecticut on her days off from the deli. She had yet to show them where she was living or introduce them to the friends she had become close to. These were more than friends; they were family. Lisa had grown to love and admire the new men and women in her world. Jeff, Rick, and especially Gigi topped the list.
Gigi…How could she explain Gigi to the children? She could barely explain their relationship to herself. But she knew the kids would understand. And then there was Mark. Why didn’t she include him among her friends? What was it that kept her questioning?
Lisa knew it was time to start giving her life direction. She had a major corporation to reacquaint herself with. New people were arriving in the community all the time, people who needed the job at Rick’s Deli far more than she did. It was time to take charge. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but it could start tonight, after the movie.
Mark was taking her to a wine and cheese bar after the film. That would be a quiet atmosphere in which to confront him with the questions Gigi had flung her way. It was time to start getting some answers.
Lisa had considered talking to Mark about the possibility of spending more time together, maybe visiting him in Philadelphia, especially since she seemed to stay at his apartment whenever Mark was in town, but it just never seemed the right time to bring up the subject. Lisa wasn’t sure what was stopping her. Despite the hot, urgent sex they enjoyed, there was nothing more between them. Their relationship, if it could be called that, didn’t seem to have any depth. She and Mark discussed politics, the stock market, and where to get the best salmon steak in Manhattan, but they never crossed the line into genuinely personal topics.
Determined to resolve all the uncertainties, Lisa decided to broach the questions after the movie. She hoped Mark would be cooperative and forthcoming. If he was, she knew she had to make a decision soon: either leave the brownstone and become more involved with Mark, or stay with Gigi and see what became of that relationship. That was the only fair thing to do for her, Mark, and especially Gigi.