The sound of machines beeping and buzzing as family members stood outside the doors of their loved ones; crying, hugging, and praying, made me uneasy to say the least. I don’t like hospitals. The sight of Latonya with her arms around the shoulders of Ms. Tina as she weeped and moaned, sent me into a spiral of mixed emotions. And it wasn’t because I’d had sex with both mother and daughter. It was a feeling I couldn’t explain. A sadness, if I must admit.
“My god, Teddy!” Latonya saw me first as she raced over, tears flowing rapidly.
“Oh, my Lord! Thank you for coming Teddy!” Ms. Tina walked up to me and grabbed my hand like I was the Pope!
“He’s awake now. Please go in and talk to him. They say he gotta go to surgery soon.”
“What happened to him? Who shot him?”
“Flame did it Banks.!” Latonya’s tears continued to flow as she hugged herself.
“What?”
“Flame shot him six times over some drugs! Everybody knows it, but when the police got there aint nobody seen shit!”
“Damn.” I thought. Fuckin snake. The only thing I hate just as much as a rat. “Lemme go see what he got to say,” I said walking past them, headed to the room they’d been standing in front of.
“Thank you Banks! Oh Lord, thank you.” Ms. Tina cried as she and Latonya clung to each other tightly. As I stepped through the room door, the beeping of the heart monitor, along with the sight of all the tubes and lines running vertically into Shell’s body, was the first thing I noticed. Not wanting to be there any longer than I had to be, I fought down the hatred I felt towards him, and walked over to his bed. Shell looked like shit. His hair was nappy, his skin was dingy and dirty, and face looked like skin thrown over a skull, his jaws were so sunken. Feeling my presence in the room I guess, his eyes slowly came open. The hint of a smile played at his dry lips.
“I…can’t…can’t… believe… you…cc…came.” Immediately it became obvious that he was struggling to speak, when his voice came out as no more than a hoarse whisper.
“Say what you gotta say man so I can bounce.” Yes, I’d come. But only because of my curiosity, of what a possible dead man could have to say to me? Suddenly, catching me completely off guard, a tear ran down Shells face as he spoke.
“I…didn’t do it… man.” He struggled to whisper the words.
“Say what?” I asked him as my heartrate quickened.
“Monique… I…didn’t do it. It won’t me bru.” Suddenly the room seemed to close in on me, as I became lightheaded, realizing I’d heard right the first time, the words he’d just spoken. “You hurt my feelings bru.” Shell’s voice seemed to be clearing some, as he looked over at me.
“Hurt your feelings? What the fuck you mean I hurt yo feelings?” My heart raced like a locomotive as a thousand thoughts at once bounced around in my mind!
“All I wanted was for you….to be proud of me; for finally making it on my own. But you would never…give me credit…for nothing.” Shell spoke as the tears flowed down the sides of his face. “Then when… when that happened to Monique…the…first person you accused of it was me. You…hurt my feelings bru. I couldn’t believe you would think that little…little of…me, to think I would do that to you. You were … the… only…only brother I ever had. I…I love you bru. I would never do you…like that. You hurt my feelings. I know…that if I didn’t let you know the
truth now…I might not never get…the chance. They say…I might die. I feel like it. I’m so… tired.”
“Man, if you didn’t do it why the fuck you didn’t just say that!” I know Shell couldn’t be that stupid!
“I tried once…. At the club.”
I remembered now, the night I’d ran into Shell at the club, and he’d said he needed to holla at me. The sad part about this shit is, I know he’s telling the truth. I can read people. A gift and a curse. “Why the fuck did you wait so long man?” I asked him now frustrated with his stupidity.
“You were, busy… doing… other things.” His eyes looked past me as I turned to see his mom’s standing against the wall. Damn. What the hell could I say.
“Man I…”
“Don’t worry about it man. I forgive you.” Shell held out his hand as I grasped it solidly in my own.
“Flame did this to you?” Shell attempted a laugh that seemed to hurt him to his core. “Chill out dog save your strength.”
“Yeah. Flame. My Ace. Emptied his pistol in me over two bags of dope.”
“Two bags of dope?”
“Yeah, I was sick, and I snatched two bags from this kid named June who sell for Flame. He ran up on me… behind the store getting high and shot me.”
“After all the shit you did for that nigga. He shot you over twenty dollars?”
“Yea…Yeah. Aint life some shit?” Shell tried to laugh again, this time going into a violent coughing spell that brought blood to his lips!
“Breathe! Breathe dog!” I said grabbing the cup of water beside his bed and bringing to his lips so he could drink. That seemed to ease the coughing as Latonya stepped up and dabbed the blood of his lip.
“Watch him till I get back Banks. I gotta run and use the phone. My mama aint in it right now.” Latonya said as I looked over at Ms. Tina still standing against the wall, hugging herself while staring into the floor.
“Preciate… that…dog.” Shell pushed out in a whisper.
“So, did Flame do it bru? Did he do that shit to me? “
“Nah. His bitch ass was wit me that weekend. I don’t know who did it dog. I’m sorry man.”
“It’s all good my nigga,” I squeezed his hand back.
“I’m dying bru, and I’m scared.” Shell looked at me as the tears started to roll down his face again.
“Nigga quit talking crazy. Mean as you are, I know death too shook to come near you.” I joked more surely then I felt.
“I…lost a lotta blood man. I gotta…bullet next to my heart and I can feel it moving.”
“Look dog you….”
“It’s okay bru.” Shell cut me off. “Before I go I just needed to know that you forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what?”
“For being stupid. Doing dope, forgetting what…. who my real friends were.”
This is the untold truth, and I’d be lying if I said that my tears didn’t match his. “I forgive you dog. The same way you forgive me for my stupidity. We only humans, right?” Shell simply nodded his head.
“So…we brother’s again?” Shell asked squeezing my hand as his tears continued to flow.
“Again? Nigga we always been brothers, always will be.” I squeezed his hand even tighter just as Latonya walked back in the room.
“Thank you bru.” Shell smiled just as his heart monitor started to speed up, and the sign of his breathing difficulty became frighteningly obvious! Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep.
“Shell, you aight bru?!” I asked frantically, just as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his heart monitor flatlined! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee _____________ “Shell! Shell!!!”