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It's going to be fine. You can fix this. You're not going to lose her.
The words might as well be Ethan's entire vocabulary, with the way he had to keep repeating them to himself, each time fear stabbed his heart. He would see Anah smile, and it fucking terrified him, just thinking how it could be the last time he might see her smile, if she ever found out the truth.
And since just about everything in his life reminded Ethan of her these days—-
A bitter smile played over his lips.
Everything had become a crippling reminder of what he would lose.
Because Anah was his life.
Had been so since probably the first day they met, if he hadn't been so damn determined to do what was right.
The passenger door opened, and Ethan forced himself to relax as Anah jumped back into the seat next to him.
"Sorry about that," she said sheepishly.
"What did you forget?"
An impish smile curved over her lips, and a wave of terror threatened to drown him.
"This!"
A diamond ring winked at Ethan as Anah wiggled her fingers at him.
"I thought I'd leave it at first, but then I changed my mind..." She turned to him, dark, doll-like eyes shining with love, and Ethan's fingers tightened around the wheel until his knuckles turned white. "I want everyone to see it," Anah said shyly, "because I want everyone to know I'm yours."
Ethan took hold of her hand, and his eyes closed as he pressed his lips to her knuckles.
It's going to be fine. You can fix this. You're not going to lose her.
But he was wrong.
****
IT'S GOING TO BE FINE. There's nothing to fix. You're not going to lose him.
Anah repeated the words over and over in her mind while she pretended to read her textbook. She had lied about having a test to study for, and Ethan, distracted by the various road blockages he suddenly needed to circumvent because of an early morning flashflood, had only nodded and promised to get her to school in time.
The urge to look his way suddenly struck her, and Anah quickly flipped to the next page. Don't cry, Anah. But the words had already started to swim, and her gaze began to blur.
She flipped to another page just as the first teardrop fell, and it landed silently against her skin. Memories of last night flashed in her mind, and another teardrop fell as she closed her eyes—-
And she let herself remember.
She was back in the garage, and she looked like the happiest girl in the world.
Yes. I'll marry you.
She saw Ethan in her mind, remembered vividly how his handsome face had turned rigid for a moment—-
(Almost as if)
She remembered how his kiss, when he had taken her in his arms, had tasted so heartbreakingly sweet—-
(Almost as if)
She remembered how long - oh, how so very long - it took him to slide the ring down her finger, because his own hands had been shaking so bad—-
(Almost as if)
Anah forced her eyes open. No. She closed her book. You're only imagining things, Anah. Another teardrop fell, splashing against the matte cover of her book, but she refused to let it weaken her.
She just wasn't used to being this happy, that was all. So her mind had started imagining stupid things. Ethan was not the type to have cold feet, and if he had...then why had he been so insistent on having Anah herself open his glovebox?
He wanted to marry her.
Because he loved her.
So it's going to be fine, Anah told herself. There's nothing to fix—-
"Anah..."
The sudden sound of his voice had her stomach cramping for no reason, and she had to draw a quick, fortifying breath before turning to face him. "Yup?" She noticed right away that Ethan hadn't turned to meet her gaze, and the oddness of it made her heart lurch.
(Almost as if)
"I love you."
And Anah wanted to cry.
Those words were all she had ever dreamt of hearing.
So...why...why didn't it suddenly feel right to hear them?
"I love you, Anah."
Ethan didn't even realize he had been holding his breath until he felt Anah's head rest against his shoulder.
"I love you." She squeezed her eyes shut. It's going to be fine. There's nothing to fix. You're not going to lose him.
Another shuddering breath rocked his body as he heard Anah say the words—-
It's going to be fine.
Words that he didn't deserve-—
You can still fix this.
And because of that, they were still words she could still take back.
You're not going to lose her.
****
ANAH KEPT WAVING GOODBYE until Ethan's pick-up had rounded the corner and disappeared from view. Then and only then did she let her smile fade and reach for her phone.
It's going to be fine.
She had received an email late last night from Guilia.
There's nothing to fix.
And since then, she had been filled with fear, wondering what was the right thing to do, if the message were to reveal that Guilia had decided to change for good, and she wanted Ethan back.
You're not going to lose him.
She tapped on the screen to start reading Guilia's email.
And a moment later, she was laughing and crying.
Because she had been right all along.
And she hadn't been imagining things last night when Ethan appeared stunned...almost as if...
Anah's phone slipped through her fingers.
Almost as if the ring wasn't meant for her.