| |
I mean, what could I do or say? She was light-years better than Susie Suck-Ems and quite frankly, although I wasn’t attracted to her in that way at that time, I could see that she was beautiful, smart, and had a great sense of humor, which is all inviting when you meet someone for the first time, but this woman was wild too! I didn’t smoke, drink, or do any kind of drugs, but when the manager brought out a bag of marijuana for Josephine and referred to it as her “Special Blend,” I figured, why the fuck not? We smoked that reefer, sipped cognac, and just... I don’t know.
Listen, I was high, Josephine was funny, smart, and she even knew a lot about technology. I mean, hello! She was a personality on one of the most successful webcam sites on the internet! Homegirl knew technology; hardware and software included. She understood what I did for a living, as well as my work in cryptocurrencies, and she even promised to let me manage $500 of her money. I found out later that was the money she took from A-Dog’s PayPal account, but we were able to keep all the profits, so it was worth it!
We smoked, drank, and talked until 2 a.m. when the bar closed. I walked Josephine home, then up to her door, and we exchanged numbers and promised to stay in touch. When she went upstairs to her place, I walked home, which was about twenty blocks away. Usually, I would consider that a long walk, but I needed anonymity and time to properly cuss A-Dog’s ass out for what he did on our second Blackout Period!
A-Dog answered the phone laughing and asked in his gayest voice, “So, tell me about the date, girl!”
I was like, “How could you do that to a middle-aged woman, bro?”
A-Dog replied, “What you mean, bro? She works in the sex industry, man! If any bitch gonna be okay with a little prostate play, it’s her.”
“Yo, I don’t trust no woman playing around with my prostate! I want a man to do that, not a woman, a man! Y’all heteros act like homosexuality is a disease to be cured with a pill or a firm religious scolding. But what if, just hypothetically speaking, what if some men just like to have dick in their life? A dick other than their own, that is? Is that really so bad, bro?”
A-Dog quipped, “Niggah, ain’t nobody saying you can’t have dick in your life. I’m just saying, hypothetically speaking, what if the dick that she buy from the sex store end up being the best dick you ever had in your life? Why not just let the bitch fuck you once like she be doing niggas on her webcam show?”
I was mortified! I stopped in my tracks and looked at the phone like, “Did he just say what I think he said?”
I said, “A-Dog, are you telling me that you trying to set me up with a woman you saw ‘doing the nasty’ with another man on the internet? Matter of fact, did you take all of those gay-ass dick pictures you put on that fake-ass dating site you catfished me with?”
A-Dog paused for a beat, then said, “Hold up, that don’t make me gay! I searched the internet for twenty bitches who had profiles that read like they’d be okay with spending time with a masculine fudge packer like yourself. I saw some things, a few trannies that could get the business if I didn’t see their profiles online but just ran into them on the street, the supermarket, or at Pizza Hut or some shit. But, bro, I did it all for you, man! Yo, did you know that when niggas get fucked up the ass their ass cream and shit?”
I was speechless! It was like my parents were grilling me about my sex life or some shit! I was embarrassed and enraged, but, deep down, when I was honest with myself, I wanted to know how Josephine made a man cream!
When I got home that night, I went to Josephine’s webcam site and saw the video that made A-Dog pick her out of the twenty women he sourced for me. In true A-Dog Fashion, he had managed to find the one woman on Earth who could make up for the psychological trauma that is my horrifying memory of Suzie Suck-Ems, God bless the dead! Josephine was... well!”