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I think what Steven is trying to say is that I know what to do with a naughty boy and a twelve-inch silicone strap-on! Literally, it’s all in a day’s work to me! But that wasn’t what I wanted for myself, you know? I wanted a man to fuck me, want my body, and touch me in a way that made me quiver from head to toes. I can’t nut fucking no man unless there’s a vibrator attached to the back of the strap on, but even then, how a bitch gonna nut with a grown-ass man screaming, “Fuck me, Mommy! I’ve been a bad boy!” loud enough for the neighbors and the good Lord to hear? Steven was the perfect gentleman, but I called my lesbian friend Dom as soon as I got in the house and I cried!
My girl Dom is more like my boy Dom. She had top surgery a year before we met back when I was twenty-one, so she don’t have titties no more, but she still has her pussy to this day. She made a small fortune selling prosthetic dildos to other post-op transgender men and loved nothing more than to spend her money on seducing heterosexual women. Dom is a romantic and was once one of my biggest webcam customers back in the day.
She paid me top dollar to give her private shows after work. She would send me custom dildos with vibrating attachments to use on my show, free of charge. Dom immediately became my hook-up for free sex toys. The day Dom asked to meet me in person, I said, “Hell, yeah.”
You know a bitch gotta make time for her fans and shit, but when Dom showed up to the coffee shop, she looked like a girl, pretending to be a man, with no titties! The last thing I was thinking about was sex. So when she professed her love for me, I had to tell her to pump the breaks. I swear, I don’t care what a man or woman has, I care what the content of his or her character suggests he or she is, which is why Steven was really getting to me whereas Dom never stood a chance.
Dom understood though. If it don’t fit, don’t force it. We became besties ever since, which made her the perfect person for me to vent to. Now that the roles were reversed, and I was attracted to someone who wasn’t attracted to me, and he was a damn gay, I finally understood how Dom felt when I rejected her so many years ago!
I cried like a baby as I laid across my bed in my studio apartment.
“I mean, Dom, he was perfect! He smelled good, and he could hold his liquor, but you can tell he’s really not a drinker, which is so rare these days. And, bitch, when he touched me; you know it has been years since I had a strong black man lay hands on my body like that! It wasn’t sexual, or manipulative, or creepy; it was compassionate, Dom! Like, he just met me and without hesitating, he had enough love for me to pat my back instinctively when I started to cough. The last niggah I sneezed in front of on a date didn’t even say, ‘God bless you,’ because he was too busy staring at my titties.”
Dom said, in a contrived manly yet embarrassed tone, “I apologized for that shit, Jo!”
I snapped, “Bitch, you ain’t the only niggah who did that shit to me on a first date! Plenty of niggas get lost in these titties, trick!”
I began to sob again and I screamed, “I don’t know what to do, Dom!”
Dom said, sympathetically, “Well, I don’t see why you all stressed out and shit when the first date went great.”
I looked at her like she was crazy and I snapped, “Haven’t you been listening? The motherfucker is gay, bitch!”
Dom replied, “Technically, so are you.”
I was like, “Hoe, you know I only do that shit for work.”
Dom laughed. “You hide behind that ‘work’ shit, but I done seen you lick pussy, kiss bitches in the mouth, and fuck niggas and bitches with strap-ons. Bitch, I even seen you piss in a bitch’s mouth and make her swallow it! You is about the most DL, yet the gayest, most lesbian bitch I’ve ever encountered on God’s green Earth! And you be nutting for real every time. I been watching you for over twenty years, so you already know that I know when you faking it, and yo ass don’t be faking.”
“Even if I do nut, that’s because I see how many people watching the cam and I nut because money makes me nut. I don’t get off on the sexual act; I get off on the money I get from the sexual act. But my heart isn’t in that equation, Dom. My heart is at home when I’m dicking bitches down on webcam. My heart is at home when I piss in a bitch’s mouth! My heart is at home when I fuck a niggah so hard and so deep that I end up with shit on my dick!’
Dom laughed. “Oooh, bitch! You gotta have a heart for the shitty dick!”
“Bitch, my heart ain’t even in the room when I get shit on my twelve-inch silicone dick! You know your company specializes in monster dicks that stimulate the clit!”
Dom and I laughed, because that’s the actual slogan for her company, Wiggly Dicks.com, but my laughter soon turned back to tears when I considered my next question.
“How the hell am I gonna convince a gay man to date me, trust that I can dick him down till I get a shitty dick, and somehow get the niggah to learn how to please me at the same damn time? This shit could never work!”
I cried and cried. Maybe I was just drunk and high and emotional, but thinking back on it, I was crying because I was the problem. Steven seemed nice enough to do anything I asked, but I couldn’t imagine being with a man who couldn’t fuck the shit outta me. If I could, there would have been nothing to cry about. But because I knew I couldn’t, the only man I ever met who swept me off my feet by just being himself was unequivocally persona non grata, and meanwhile, all I wanted was a second date.
Not to talk about boys, or fashion, or hair, but to look at me and smile the way that he did, and to touch me with those strong hands again; not sexually, or even romantically, but just like he gave a fuck about me. All I had were tears.
Then, out of nowhere, Dom asked me a question that was so profound that I never really answered it. “If he was willing to get to know you and commit to you exclusively until he learns you, would you be willing to give it a try? I mean, in the olden days, bitches ain’t give up the pussy till they was married. Since you ain’t have no real dick in over a decade, seems to me like dating the niggah beats staying at home, crying in bed, using your webcam props on yourself.”
That night is among my most cherished memories today, but when Dom asked me that question, I couldn’t say for sure what I would do. I assumed the answer was “No, I would not give him a chance even if he was down for it that night,” but God and life has a way of making a bitch change her mind sometimes. Like I said, I registered for Christian Mingle.com, so God is in part responsible for what transpired over the next twenty-four months.
Our love story!