To: yikes!izzy
Date: Tuesday, October 25—4:52 PM
Subject: Re: nightmares
Dear Isabel,
I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I guess we can both be pretty selfish sometimes, both wanting all the attention, and it’s usually you who wins. I guess I resent you for that—for winning, for deserving it more than me.
You’ve read One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, right? Remember how the Indian guy was always talking about how big McMurphy was, not physically bigger, but big in a different way? That’s like you. You’re like my McMurphy. You’re wild and loud and you say everything I don’t have the guts to. You’re the one with the balls, and I’m just the puppy who follows you around, the stuttering kid who needs you to speak for me and make me strong. I can’t stand it when you’re weak, Isabel. It doesn’t feel right.
I want to be big like you, Isabel. I want to be the one to get all the attention. I want someone to think of me the way I think of you.
You weren’t serious, were you? About not wanting to wake up? Isabel, you are so much more than your pain.
Please write back.
Your devoted fan,
Connor