To: yikes!izzy
Date: Tuesday, November 29—8:29 PM
Subject: torture
Dear Isabel,
I doubt I’m as evolved as you seem to think I am. And I don’t believe you when you say no one likes you. It’s just not possible. How could I like you so much? Seriously. You’re the most intriguing person I’ve ever met.
I have an English paper due tomorrow. So, of course, I spent the last twenty-three minutes making this list:
Top 10 Worst Ways to Spend an Hour
10. Writing an English paper
9. In jail
8. Hanging upside down by your toenails
7. Stuck in an elevator with someone with digestion problems
6. At the dentist
5. Watching your mom have sex
4. Watching puppies get run over by tractors
2. Working at McDonalds
1. Swimming in a full Porta-Potty tank
The good news is you’re not stuck doing any of these things.
Love,
Connor