To: condorboy
Date: Monday, January 2—9:34 PM
Subject: vitamins
Connor,
Excuse me if I have more pressing things on my mind, but Trevor is arriving tomorrow and I’m freaking out. Even though I’m sleeping again, everything still feels a little rickety, like I’m here but not quite here, like I’m just a stand-in for my real self, like someone could just reach over and pinch me and I’d deflate. I thought I was feeling better, but I don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything. I used to think I knew exactly who I was, but that was all bullshit. I can’t be sure of anything about myself, about what I think or how I feel or if I’m even a good person. I don’t know if I want to go to any of the colleges I applied to. I don’t know if I want to be with Trevor. I don’t know if I want to be a vegetarian anymore. I feel like I’m a snow globe and someone shook me up and now every little piece of me is falling back randomly and nothing is ending up where it used to be.
I wonder if I could have a food allergy. Or if I’m deficient in some kind of vitamin. I’ve heard wheat allergies can really fuck you up.
Love,
Isabel