condorboy: hi
yikes!izzy: hi
condorboy: what are you doing?
yikes!izzy: trying to do research for a history paper about the renaissance
yikes!izzy: got distracted by stuff about FURRIES
condorboy: what’s “furries”?
yikes!izzy: they’re these people who are obsessed with anthropomorphic animals
yikes!izzy: they have conventions where they walk around in animal costumes
yikes!izzy: sometimes there are furry sex orgies where they all hump each other in costume
condorboy: during the renaissance?
yikes!izzy: no, now
condorboy: humans are amazing
yikes!izzy: yes they are
condorboy: i have a question for you
yikes!izzy: uh oh. is it serious?
condorboy: yes. very
yikes!izzy: ok. go
condorboy: what did the hipster say when he walked into the bar?
yikes!izzy: i don’t know. what?
condorboy: “let’s get out of here, there are too many fucking hipsters”
yikes!izzy: haha! i have to tell that one to my sister
condorboy: i texted jeremy about the skinny jeans question. he doesn’t know where guys get skinny jeans either
yikes!izzy: they must all be wearing women’s pants
condorboy: yes. most likely.
condorboy: jeremy says hi, by the way. he thinks you’ve been a dick lately, but he still wants to meet you.
yikes!izzy: tell him i say hi too
yikes!izzy: also, how many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
condorboy: how many?
yikes!izzy: it’s such a cool number, you’ve probably never heard of it
condorboy: ha
condorboy: jeremy wants to know when you’re coming to visit
yikes!izzy: how many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
condorboy: how many?
yikes!izzy: you can’t touch that toilet, it’s art
condorboy: is that referencing Duchamp’s Fountain?
yikes!izzy: you are such a hipster for saying that
condorboy: Duchamp was totally a hipster
yikes!izzy: i actually studied for my math test yesterday. i think i did ok.
condorboy: señor cuddlebones caught a squirrel yesterday and buried its bloody carcass under my bed
yikes!izzy: karen’s belly is getting really big. she gave me a picture of the ultrasound.
condorboy: alice says she has an internet girlfriend now
yikes!izzy: do you think you ever want to have kids?
condorboy: probably. you?
yikes!izzy: i don’t know. i’m afraid i’m too selfish. i’m afraid i’d fuck it up too bad
condorboy: i don’t think there’s any such thing as a perfect parent. everyone fucks up their kids. that’s what builds character or something.
yikes!izzy: hipsters totally don’t have kids
condorboy: hipsters eat babies for breakfast
yikes!izzy: hipsters don’t eat breakfast. that’s how they stay so skinny.
yikes!izzy: your mom seems pretty perfect. she raised you, after all
condorboy: my mom’s not perfect
yikes!izzy: this is too much like a real conversation
condorboy: i’m definitely not perfect
[yikes!izzy is offline.]