Crazy

To: yikes!izzy

Subject: what’s the opposite of angst?

Dear Isabel,

You said my mom seems perfect. Yes, she is great, I’ll be the first to admit it. Why do I feel so embarrassed saying that? As if liking your parents is something to be ashamed of? Like I’m going to get kicked out of teenage-dom because I enjoy my mom’s company?

But she’s not perfect, either. Sometimes she drinks too much when she’s stressed out, and sometimes she loses her temper and yells for no reason. And she can be really judgmental and mean. For someone who claims to be so tolerant, she can say some really nasty things about people she doesn’t agree with. Sometimes I think she’s just as prejudiced as the people she calls prejudiced, but she thinks she’s right so it doesn’t count.

But maybe her hypocrisy is a good thing. Maybe it’s taught me to try to be even more honest. Maybe the point of all of our parents’ failings is to serve as examples of what not to do. Maybe being a grown-up is all about figuring out how to not become our parents.

In that case, I should become a Republican who hates gay/black/poor/disabled/Muslim/immigrant women and tortures cats and drives a Hummer and eats only genetically modified food full of high-fructose corn syrup and preservatives. I should refuse to go to college because the cult of Higher Education is full of lesbians and commies. I should buy some guns and wear a fur coat and join the military and kill babies in third-world countries while picketing a woman’s right to choose. That’ll show her.

Sadly, I don’t think I have too much to rebel against. Even when she’s full of shit, my mom is a pretty decent person, which totally sucks. How can I possibly be an artist without any good angst? But of course we’ve already gone over this.

Love,
Connor