To: condorboy
Date: Friday, February 24—5:09 PM
Subject: Re: lies
Connor, can you hear me screaming? Can you hear anything I’m saying to you? I scream and scream and nobody hears me all they hear is their own voices in their own heads telling them what they want to hear and you can’t hear me even though you think you do. No one can hear me don’t you see? I’m on a different frequency you’re down there with everyone else and their polite society their please and thank-you their going to work and paying taxes but that’s a different world than the one I live in I live up here where things don’t add up the same way where one plus one does not equal two and blue and yellow do not make green and space and time have spikes and gravity shifts around one moment you’re flying and the next you’re a pancake on the highway and the cars are running over you one after another after another and it doesn’t hurt that’s the best thing none of this hurts not even precious you and your good intentions not everyone’s broken love bouncing around aimlessly it’s all broken Connor all of it you are broken even when you seem so solid there are tiny little cracks microscopic I cannot count on you because the cracks will just get bigger maybe not today but soon and you will break apart you will dissolve you will turn into sand if I try to hold you don’t you see? I live up here and you live down there and if the worlds try to combine everything will break and there will be nothing left I will break you Connor I will break you until you’re nothing. Stop trying to trick me stop saying all these nice things trying to convince me you are made of something sturdy there is nothing sturdy the air is unstable our worlds collide and explode in midair but it doesn’t hurt me nothing hurts me Trevor doesn’t hurt me because he is air because he knows I’m air and he doesn’t need me to be anything else but you love an imaginary girl she is solid she is not me I will never be as perfect as her I will never be as perfect as you and you will love her because you will think she is solid but she will break apart until you hate her I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry