Chapter 33
BERTRAM
“PAHHHRRR-TEEE!” Mike howled.
Bertram watched as Mike and Candayce danced. Music flooded the pebble-strewn area they’d chosen as their resting place for the night. They’d already shaved a good eight miles off their journey. By dinnertime tomorrow, they’d be home.
Behind Bertram there was a small whimper. He looked back to see the female crouching low, shuddering.
“The music’s scaring her,” Bertram told Candayce. “Keep it down!”
The tune only got louder.
“You got it! You got it!” Candayce yelped to Mike.
Bertram slammed his tail down with explosive force. Candayce was knocked from her feet. Mike wobbled a little.
The music stopped.
“What’s your problem?” Candayce snarled.
Bertram looked to the female. “Your music was frightening her. I told you. I asked nicely. Now knock it off!”
Mike sat back against a tree. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Oh, man, I can’t wait to get out on the field, throw a few passes.” He lowered his head. In a small, concerned voice he said, “I wonder if it’ll be the same day when we get back?”
“I have to feed the fish,” Candayce said. “I forgot to do it before I left! I mean, before...y’know...”
“Yeah, and I have to do everything,” Bertram said, thinking about how the entire upkeep of the household, even paying the bills, was in his hands. “What about it?”
Candayce set her claws on her hips and walked over. “All right. Look, I understand some of what you’re feeling. The same thing happened to me when I met up with other Leptoceratops. There’s all this stuff that gets opened up inside you, and it’s confusing, I know, but the important thing—”
“Please,” Bertram said. “This has nothing to do with Beanie.”
“Beanie?”
“Well, she’s...brown. And round. Like a bean.”
“Beanie. Like...what I wore when I was a Brownie? When you used to follow me all over the place?”
“It’s not like that.”
Candayce rolled back. “Mike!”
“Um?”
“Bertram’s got a girlfriend!”
“Do not!” Bertram kicked at Candayce. She darted back.
“Studly!” Mike called.
“Isn’t she so sweet?” Candayce burbled in baby talk. “Are we going to take her to the prom?”
Bertram couldn’t handle this right now. “Just shut up.”
“You shut up,” Candayce said. “I’m having fun! I—hey!”
A huge club-tail nearly smashed Candayce into the ground. Bertram looked around in shock and saw Beanie advancing on Candayce.
“Call her off! Call her off!” Candayce yelped. “Tell her I’m sorry, okay!”
Beanie whacked the ground again, making Candayce barrel out of the way and into Mike’s stubby arms. Mike roared. It wasn’t much of a roar, but it was enough to make Beanie quit. The female Ankylosaurus raised her chin and strutted over to Bertram. She settled down beside him and started licking his jowls.
“Very nice,” Mike said.
“She’s crazy!” Candayce hollered.
Bertram sank on his haunches. “She’s protective. She lost her mate. She took me to where he drowned in the river.”
Candayce stepped away from Mike. “So she really has, like, adopted you?”
“I think it’s more serious than that.”
“You mean...she wants you to be her, uh...”
“Glad to know you find that a ridiculous notion.”
“No, I—”
“From what I understand, she’s lost her mate, and she’s grieving, and she doesn’t want to be alone. I’m just worried about what happens tomorrow. I don’t know if she can handle another loss so soon.”
Mike shook his head. “It’s possible you’re just reading too much into things.”
“Yeah,” Candayce said, wandering closer. “I mean, I know when guys have gotten crushes on me—”
Beanie surged forward, her tail up, swinging, ready to smash down—
“Yiiiiiee!” Candayce yipped, shaking and racing back to Mike. “Okay, fine! She wants you bad. You’re the man!”
“You know,” Mike said, “she might like the music if you were the one making it.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea!” Candayce said. “Start with something light. Classical.”
“I don’t know much classical...”
“1812 Overture. Everyone knows that. They play it every July Fourth.”
“I thought you said light.”
“It starts soft, then builds up. It’s perfect.”
Bertram sighed. It would be nice to be able to party with his friends. He turned to Beanie. “Now...don’t be afraid. This is music. It’s nice. Something from my world.”
He closed his eyes and concentrated. Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah nah...boom boom...
“Grmph?” Beanie asked.
Bertram looked into her dark eyes. He let the music rise up around them. “It’s okay...”
Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah nah nah...boom—
BHHHRAPHHHPTTT!
“Whoa!” Bertram was enveloped by a noxious cloud. He’d forgotten Beanie had just eaten an hour ago.
“Not this again!” Candayce yelled.
“We’re heading upwind!” Mike warned.
“Hey,” Bertram said as Mike and Candayce stole away. He drew closer to Beanie. “That was on the beat. Did you do that on purpose?”
He started the music again, and this time, just when the cannons were about to fire—
BHHHRAPHHHPTTT!
She did it again! He kicked up the music, and next time, he did it! Beanie started swaying with the music, and they settled into a long, loud, smelly duet of dueling vapors. The whole thing made Bertram laugh and laugh harder than he ever thought he would in his life.
It was a night to remember.