Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
—PHILIPPIANS 2:3–4
A few years ago, my friend challenged me with this question: Are you doing this because you are loved or so that you’ll be loved?
Her question is a great one.
Doing something “so that we’ll be loved” is a trap many of us can get caught in. When I do something because I’m trying to get someone else to notice me, appreciate me, say something to build me up or respect me more, my motives get skewed.
I forget the reminder in Philippians 2:3–4 to do nothing out of selfish ambition and to look to the interests of others. Instead, I become very “me” focused. I put unrealistic expectations on myself and the other person. And I can get so very hurt when I don’t feel more noticed, appreciated, or respected.
But, doing something because I am loved is incredibly freeing.
I don’t view the relationship from the vantage point of what I stand to gain. Instead, I look at what I have the opportunity to give. I am “God-focused” and love-directed. I keep my expectations in check. And I am able to lavish the grace I know I so desperately need. I live free from regret with clarity of heart, mind, and soul.
Are you doing this because you are loved or so that you’ll be loved?
So, how do I know if I’m doing things because I’m loved or so that I will be loved? See how easy or hard it is to apply these biblical truths:
Because I am loved, I can humble myself. When I’m trying to be loved, I must build myself up to look better.
Because I am loved, I can cast all my anxiety on Him. When I’m trying to be loved, I cast all my anxiety on my performance.
Because I am loved, I can resist Satan and stand firm in my faith. When I’m trying to be loved, I listen to Satan and stand uncertain trying to rely on my feelings.
Because I am loved, I know God will use this to make me stronger—and I want that. When I’m trying to be loved, I don’t want to be made stronger—I want life to be easier.
Yes, I want to pursue life, relationships, and the goals I set from a healthy and free vantage point—because I am loved.
These aren’t just good life principles, they’re God’s life principles.
Dear Lord, I don’t want my motives to get skewed today. Help me not be so “me-focused.” I want to live each day knowing I am loved. Living because I am loved is freeing. I long to stop trying so hard. I know You love me, Lord, and that You are making me stronger. Thank You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.