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I’D FINALLY GOTTEN Mrs. Akers fed and back to sleep about ten-thirty.
Too awake for a nap myself, I peeked in on my mother-in-law, pleased to find she was sleeping comfortably. Which was a good thing considering that the doctor had said she really just needed rest for the antibiotics to work.
The next dose of antibiotics wouldn’t be until dinner.
I took a quick shower and threw my hair back in a braid. I had a couple ideas for the wedding that I wanted to try out for pictures. The lighting wasn’t right mid-day, but the angle of the shot needed to be set up just right.
Grabbing my camera, I went out to the barn. After my long night, I had a lot to think about.
With so much swirling through my mind, I found it hard to focus on the task at hand. After a few tries of setting up a shot, I finally just gave up and sat down on a bale of alfalfa hay. The little straws poked me through my jeans, but weren’t enough of a bother to move.
What was I doing? That seemed to be the line of my entire life. What was I doing – what was I doing – what was I doing? I already made up my mind to come out here and leave my family behind. I had to put a stop to the way Jeremy and I referred to our marriage as temporary.
Marriage had to be considered unconditional. No matter what. Even if we were only on a trial. That night at our date, I would propose to Jeremy that we just plan on staying together. Make it permanent.
I desperately wanted to make it permanent. I didn’t even need the ceremony, the proposal, or the ring. I didn’t even have the ring from my first engagement because the ring bearer had it for the ceremony.
Who would come to the wedding for me with Jeremy, anyway? Elizabeth? And what then?
My parents wouldn’t be there. My mom had been serious when she said she was going to cut me from their life.
Choked up thinking about it, I hadn’t thought she was serious. What type of a person didn’t want their child to be happy? I felt differently, I guess. When or if I ever had children, I would want them to be beyond happy, beyond ecstatic with their choices in their own lives.
Maybe dealing with this pain from my parents, I was supposed to learn something. I could learn from my situation with my own mother that any children I did have, I wouldn’t treat them the same way.
How could my dad allow it to happen? How could he just let her make all the decisions?
Except, I couldn’t judge him when I’d done the same thing for so long.
Whether things worked out with Jeremy or not, I was going to be making my own decisions from then on. I would be happy for them, whether I liked the consequences or not.
The sound of a truck pulling in the drive and the door closing got my attention. I hadn’t heard from him all night, although that wasn’t completely true. I couldn’t find my phone when I got up that morning.
I’m sure it was somewhere right there in the living room, but I hadn’t been able to find it after trying to call my parents the night before.
Was it desperate to run out and see him? I wanted to run and jump into his arms. Blame my exuberance and emotional sappiness on my lack of sleep. First, I needed to pick things up.
Clouds rolled across the sky and they were moving fast. Judging by their dark underbellies and low elevation, there would be a storm about dinner time. Thankfully, the forecast called for clear skies on the day of the wedding.
I grabbed the picnic blanket that I had spread out and rolled it up with the white material I had fashioned into the shape of a mannequin. I didn’t want to wash out the white of the dress with the faded wood of the barn behind it.
Jennifer had sent me a shot of the dress for the coloring, and the folds were amazing. The intricacies of the beads and embroidery work was delicate and should be highlighted. That kind of artwork was worth commemorating.
I hurriedly shoved things together, so I could make one trip instead of two. I pulled my camera bag over my shoulder and neck, so it wouldn’t hit me on the back as I walked with my hands full.
Footsteps on the gravel caught my attention. I stood up, a smile on my face, pulling the rest of the items into my arms. I hoped I didn’t have too much straw in my hair or dirt on my face.
My smile faded though as Jeremy came into view with a thunderous expression.
Confused at his demeanor, I still managed to speak in a cheerful tone. “Hi, I was just coming in to see you. Did you see her mom? Did she finally wake up?” Would he be happy that I’d helped his mom? Maybe he wouldn’t try to separate us anymore.
After the night we’d spent together, I could see Mrs. Akers and myself moving further in our relationship then we’d been, hopefully with warmer attitudes toward each other.
Jeremy stopped, his hands balled into fists at his sides. He struggled to keep his voice in a manageable tone. “Why didn’t you let her call me? Or why didn’t you call me? She’s so sick. She had to get to the hospital all by herself. I would’ve come back and taken her. At least, you let her stay here, I guess, but that’s not good enough. I can’t believe you would stoop so low.”
I jerked back, anger taking place of the sharp pain at his words. How could he even assume I would do something like that? A huge chunk of the hurt came from Mrs. Akers lying.
Bald-faced lying when I’d taken her to the hospital and sat by her side all night.
Enough of her games. Obviously, she didn’t think differently about me. I shook my head. “You know what? Enough is enough. The whole time she was gone, you hid text messages from her, and you talked to her on the phone, but only in private.”
I stepped back and continued. “You pretend to care about me, but it’s only because you want my help...” Dawning horror hit me as I realized that was exactly what he was doing. “That’s it, isn’t it? You want me to do as much for you in these six months as possible, then you’ll say goodbye and find someone who makes your mom happy.”
He jerked back, his brows furrowing. “Now, wait a minute...”
“No, you wait. Why else would you listen to her manipulative lies when you’ve been with me for two months and know that I’m not like that?” I dropped the pile of props in my arms and thrust my finger at the center of my chest. “I took her to the hospital. I sat with her through the chaos in that emergency room and took care of her when they were too understaffed to do it right. I, then, took her to the pharmacy to get her the medicine she needed. I brought her home. I put her in your bed, so she would have a nice place to sleep and so she wouldn’t be alone.”
––––––––
I BLINKED BACK THE tears as I chronicled for him everything I did for his mother, everything she denied when she’d lied to him. Choking on my words and the tears that wanted to flow, I lifted my chin. “I stayed up with her all night in your stupid recliner – that by the way, doesn’t work. I was awake until I was sure that she was going to make it through without a fever spike, like the doctor told me to do. Then I made sure she was okay before I came out here to set up wedding photos for your stupid event.”
I slumped back onto the hay bale and shook my head. I was tired and hurt. “I should’ve known you were just using me.” I shook my head, readjusting my camera strap. “Forget it. I’m done, just done.”
He just stood there, with no explanation, no apology. His silence brought my anger back and I jumped from my seat.
I was done. I stormed from the barn, yanking myself out of reach as he stretched his arm out to stop me. “No! Don’t touch me!” My scream probably wasn’t necessary, but I was so close to losing my sanity.
I was going to leave, but where would I go? I had no one. I couldn’t go back to Arkansas. I had money, but it wasn’t going to be enough – especially after I paid Liz back.
Honestly, Jeremy owed me money for what work I had already done on the event. I would have to come up with an amount and tell him to pay me that.
When I was following my mother’s directions and doing everything she told me to do, I wasn’t getting hurt like this. My feelings weren’t even in the mix. I was able to leave things alone and not have to worry about it. Just do what I was told, emotionally safe. Pain had come because I’d sought out my own dreams.
No matter what I did, I just couldn’t win.
Wind whipped my hair as I ran to the front porch. I slammed through the door and slumped onto a stool by my computer. Sighing, I unplugged the cord and wound it up, loading the laptop into its bag. My phone blinked at me from where I’d tucked it under the laptop. I forgot I’d done that. I’d been emotionally spent and hadn’t been thinking.
If I was leaving, I would have to get out of there soon. A huge part of my heart hoped Jeremy would show up inside and apologize, try to make things right, deny what I’d accused him of, like I’d denied what he’d said.
Movement in my peripheral vision had me whipping my head to the side. Mrs. Akers stood at the end of the couch, a smirk on her make-up-less face.
I had nothing nice to say, so I ignored her. I couldn’t say anything or acknowledge her or I would be stooping to a level I just did not want to reach.
What would she do anyway? She’d already ruined everything for me and Jeremy. What was I going to do? I was going to leave and save at least some of my pride.
I struggled to keep the tears at bay. So much of the pain could’ve been avoided, if I’d listened to my own advice and hadn’t fallen for my own husband. It hurt when I realize that it didn’t matter what happened, I was always going to be second to him.
That was the saddest fact. I just wanted a family to belong to, and they wouldn’t let me be a part of it.
Footsteps on the porch suggested Jeremy was close. The sound of his impending arrival mingled with the sudden crying and sniffling of my mother-in-law beside me. When had she moved closer to me?
Startled at her sudden change in emotion, I glanced at her.
What was she doing? I faced her, trying to figure out if she’d lost it, like I suspected.
Jeremy came through the door and froze. He glanced between me and his crying mother, and then back at me. “Really? How can I believe anything you say when I can’t even leave you two alone for less than a minute before she’s already crying?”
I bit my tongue and shook my head. Pulling my laptop out, I zipped it up to make sure it was closed. Holding my phone up, I shook it towards him. “Just so we’re clear? I didn’t call you last night or today because my phone was under my laptop, and I just found it.”
I stood up. I didn’t have to deal with the ridiculousness that was going on, and I wasn’t going to. “I’m done. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t even speak to her just now. I want my share of the money and that’s at least half. I’m leaving. If you want to sit here and believe her manipulative lies, then so be it.”
Turning, I looked at Mrs. Akers, tears finally rolling down my face. “I just wanted to be friends. I don’t even have my own family. They kicked me out because I chose not to marry someone they picked out for me to marry. I would’ve loved to have had you as a big part of my life.” I shot a glance between her and Jeremy. “I would’ve loved to have been accepted in this family and made to feel like I was part of it. You and I could’ve been so close, but you did this. And now...” I shook my head, closing my eyes. Opening them again, I pierced them each in turn with my gaze. “I can’t even try.”
I hefted my laptop over to the door and set it down. Walking fast up to my – no, to the guest room – I grabbed my luggage and threw everything inside. I stacked them and rolled them to the door. Tossing one last glance back, I dried my tears.
Down the stairs and half-way to the door, I stopped and took a deep breath. Jeremy and his mother hadn’t moved. They watched me like I might start shooting them.
With a small, ironic laugh, I threw one last comment to the ground. “For the record, I’m in love with your son. You won’t even let that happen. I love him, and you’re getting in the way.”
Shuffling my bags to a more manageable position, I finished grabbing everything that was mine and waddled out the front door, avoiding looking at either of them. I’d made up my mind and I wasn’t dealing anymore with it.
On the porch, I looked up the nearest cab company and ordered a cab. One happened to be in the area, and the dispatcher said he’d be there in just a few minutes.
I’d take it. I didn’t want to wait too long. Big wet spots darkened the cements where rain fell and the rush of the storm coming in thundered off Rattlesnake Ridge from the south. I didn’t want to wait for anymore accusations. Jeremy could just take his charming words and attractive self and shove off. I wasn’t having any more of it.
Yet, I wanted him to come running out before I got in the cab and beg me to stay.
My heart tore even more when he didn’t.
