“That’s Elliott Wilham. He heads the Business Department on campus.”
Ray suddenly realized that he had spoken to the man on three separate occasions when he’d answered the telephone. Amber had immediately excused herself and hurried into the privacy of her bedroom to take the calls.
Wilham was a medium height, medium-build brother. He was focused on Amber, with a distinct frown on his deep brown face. Amber looked up and spotted Ray, flushed deeply.
Ray didn’t need a road map to recognize the signals. Although his facial muscles remained the same, his hands had curled tightly. It was one thing knowing there were men in her life, it was quite another to actually see her with one of them. Ray hadn’t even considered the possibility of running into one of the men she dated when he agreed to this damn party.
Ray witnessed the possessive gleam in the other man’s gaze as his eyes shifted from her face down to the upward tilt of her lush breasts—and Ray’s cool control vanished in less than a heartbeat He couldn’t help wondering how serious she was about this guy. If so, why hadn’t she mentioned Wilham to him? Were they more than friends? Were they lovers?
“Having a good time?” Lynn asked as she and Ginger joined the men.
“Great. You have a lovely home.” Ray smiled, despite the sudden resentment and bitterness churning in his gut. Wilham’s masculine hunger was unmistakable, for it rivaled Ray’s own. It didn’t take much imagination for Ray to put a name to his own annoyance. He was jealous.
No matter how much he loved and wanted Amber for himself, Ray knew she would one day share her life with another man. In fact it was his love for her that made him sincerely want her to have all the happiness he wasn’t able to provide. So why did he feel the need to ram his fist down the other man’s throat?
“Thank you.” Lynn smiled even more. “Will you excuse us, Ray? I need to borrow my husband for a moment. Ginger has volunteered to help you fit all these names with the right faces.”
Once they were alone, Ray assured Ginger, “I really don’t need a baby-sitter.”
“An attractive man needs a bodyguard, especially in a room filled with so many single women. How are you feeling?”
“Couldn’t be better. Are you a native or transplanted?”
“Transplanted. My husband and I are originally from Ohio. We met in Columbus while we were attending Ohio State.”
“Exchanging snow for more snow. Why not Florida?” Ray purposefully kept Ginger talking and his back to the fireplace.
“It was a matter of economics. Wayne was offered a partnership in a practice in Burlington. He’s a child psychologist. We found this wonderful old house halfway between the two cities.” She went on to tell him the history of her home.
Ray was only half listening. His visit to Vermont was a matter of indulgence. He allowed himself the comfort of Amber’s closeness, knowing that as his health and strength increased so would his sexual desire for her. He spent night after night with a raging hard-on in a bed just across the hall from Amber’s. While he didn’t plan on doing a damn thing about his own need, he knew Wilham didn’t harbor a similar restraint. Damn it to hell!
“Where have you been?” Amber said, linking her arm with Ray’s. Her black cashmere knit dress was splashed with silver beads across the neckline, while a black leather belt emphasized her small waist and soft curves.
Ray tried to steel himself against her particularly appealing scent and the tantalizing pressure of her left breast against his arm. His temper was raging, his arousal was painfully evident and his nerves were raw.
“In the den with Jason. And you?”
“Talking nonstop.” She laughed. “Having a good time, Ginger? It’s a shame that Wayne is laid up with a flu.”
“Hmm, I should be getting back to him. It’s getting late.”
“Ray, we probably should be going, also. Don’t want you to overdo it your first night out. Are you ready to go?”
“Yes, I’m not much for these things. If you ladies will excuse me, I’ll get the coats. What color is yours, Ginger?”
“Pink wool with black trim.”
Once they were alone, Ginger said in an impatient whisper, “What are you thinking—spending so much time with Elliott and leaving Ray on his own? This place is crawling with available women. Don’t you dare tell me it’s no concern of yours—I know better. What were you trying to do, make Ray jealous?”
“No, you know me better than that. Elliott cornered me. He used the party to his advantage. I haven’t been out with him in weeks.” Amber pushed a thick wave of curls behind her ear. “There wasn’t much I could do to get away from him short of making a scene. What I don’t understand is why he can’t take no for an answer.”
“I almost feel sorry for the jerk. But I happen to know two women in his department that he was sleeping with at the same time.” Ginger shook her head. “Wonder of wonders. So it seems the old love bug has finally bit Elliott Tough luck for him. You’re not blaming yourself, are you?”
“Kinda. I dated the man for months. Ginger, I told him from the beginning that I didn’t want the same things that he did. I made myself clear. I told him I wasn’t interested in getting sexually or emotionally involved. A lot of good it’s done me. Every blasted time he’s called since Ray has been at the apartment, Ray has answered the telephone. Elliott had the nerve to turn possessive on me tonight demanding an explanation about Ray. He even threatened to come over and tell Ray who-knows-what if I didn’t start dating him again.”
“That’s blackmail! I hope you didn’t let Elliott intimidate you.”
“Of course not. I can handle him. It’s Ray I’m worried about. Elliott was the only person in the room I didn’t want him to meet. Do you think he noticed?”
“Be for real. He noticed, my friend. The man isn’t blind nor is he stupid. Amber, you have to tell Ray about Elliott. The way it stands now, it looks as if you are trying to hide something from him.”
“Hmm ... Well, nothin’ is going on between Ray and myself, either,” Amber whispered, unable to conceal her keen disappointment. Ray was the one satisfied with the status quo. There was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
“That’s your fault,” Ginger scolded softly. She had seen the way Ray’s eyes had followed Amber. He clearly cared for her. What was wrong with the two of them? Why were they so intent on maintaining a friendship when they were both crazy about each other? It just didn’t make sense.
“Ginger, we can’t get into this now. He’ll be back in a second.”
“No, he won’t. Lynn stopped him before he could reach the hallway. She’s introducing him to some late arrivals. Amber, I’ve seen your eyes when you look at Ray. After tonight, nothing that comes out of your mouth is going to convince me that you aren’t in love with that man. When are you going to do something about it?”
Ginger was so right. She was deeply in love with Ray Coleman, had been so since she was a teenager. Neither time, distance, nor the man himself could change how she felt about him. What Ginger didn’t understand was that some things weren’t negotiable. They had made a pact five years ago when they reconciled... friends for life. Somehow she had to keep up her end of their bargain.
“Lately I don’t know what’s going on inside of me. Things were so simple—that was, until Ray appeared on my doorstep. I was so certain that I’d totally accepted our limitations.” Amber frowned unhappily. “Oh, Ginger,” she whispered, “living with him, being able to care for him, having him near has made such a difference in the way I feel about our relationship. What we’ve had isn’t nearly enough. I can no longer settle for sharing only a tiny portion of his world. I want him to be the center of my life, and I want to be the center of his. Unfortunately Ray is satisfied with the way things are, and it’s light-years away from me and the Green Mountains of Vermont.”
“I’m telling you, he didn’t look too satisfied to me a few minutes ago when he was watching you with Elliott. In fact for a few seconds I’d say he was feeling downright hostile. He looked for all the world like the enraged male ready to lay claim to what was his. Amber, talk to him, find out what’s going on inside of him. It’s possible that he has changed also.”
“Do you think—” Amber stopped. There was so much Ginger didn’t know about them. So much Amber couldn’t explain.
Ginger evidently understood some of Amber’s unspoken fears, for she said, “I want you to be happy. Deep in my heart I believe Ray is the only man you are able to give yourself to. Something about him reaches into your soul. Wayne does that to me. I can’t explain it but I’ve come to accept it.” Ginger went on to add, “I know advice is cheap and on every street corner. Can’t life be so damn painful at times?”
Amber nodded. She suspected Ginger was thinking of the baby she and her husband, Wayne, had been unable to conceive. Amber had no trouble understanding the longing the two felt. The couple refused to give up hope of completing their family. They clung to the belief that someday they would have a child of their own. In the meantime, they shared their joy for life and of each other with their friends.
“I know I don’t always say it but I do so appreciate your concern,” Amber said with a smile.
Both women smiled, hands clasped in friendship.
“Good, you found it,” Ginger piped in, warning Amber of Ray’s return.
Ray first helped Ginger on with her coat, then Amber. His hand remained possessively against Amber’s shoulder blade as they said their good nights and walked Ginger to her car.
“Come on, let’s hurry. It’s starting to rain, and it’s turning to ice,” Amber said after waving Ginger off. She stayed close to Ray as they made a dash for the car.
The icy downpour fit Ray’s dark mood. His body was tight with tension as he reached for the car keys. “I’ll drive.”
Amber’s questioning gaze went to the harsh planes of his face. “If you’re sure? It’s been only three weeks since your release from the hospital.”
“I’m fine,” he said, helping her inside.
“You look a little tired, sweetheart.” The endearment slipped out without her realizing it “We stayed too late. I should have insisted we leave no later than nine.” They were strapped into their respective seats with the engine running.
“Stop worrying.” He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, his voice low, sexy. He refused to give in to the negative force of his emotions. Even though he hated seeing her with the other man, he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He had no rights where Amber was concerned. “I liked your friends. Nice party. Nice people.”
Amber smiled, settling back in what she thought was a comfortable silence. They were forced to go slowly on the slick icy road.
Surely, Amber thought, what they shared would eventually shatter and crumble away if the delicate balance weren’t maintained. Each had labored diligently over the years to preserve the precious bond. She’d been so happy to have him back in her life that she’d gladly accepted the restrictions of their relationship. She hadn’t allowed herself to consider the possibility of going beyond their agreement. Their entire relationship would be at risk.
Could she take the chance of losing it all? Was she strong enough to live with the results? They were so good for each other and good together—didn’t that count for something? Yet all the doubts didn’t alter the tender sweet hope she had carefully, secretly nourished. Perhaps it was time she faced the truth.
Like Amber, Ray was absorbed in thought. He knew he was putting far too much energy into trying to decide if Wilham and Amber were lovers. Not many men would continue to see an attractive woman month after month without a little s-e-x to keep things interesting. In fact he knew only one such jackass... himself. Wilham wanted Amber, badly. That much was apparent even from across the crowded room. The question was, had he won her love and would he be able to make her his? Was marriage in the wind? Was that the problem between them?
Ray swore silently and profusely as he gripped the steering wheel forcefully. She had introduced him to everyone in the room but Wilham. Ray burned with outrage, needing to know why.
Hell, use your head, man! In another week or two at the most, he would be gone, leaving the way clear for the Wilham to lay claim to Amber. Ray grumbled to himself that his own presence wasn’t much of a deterrent. How serious was she about this one? Is that why she hadn’t introduced them? What had she been afraid of? Everyone in town knew he was staying with her. So why had she made such a point of not introducing them?
Although the rain had stopped by the time they reached the house, Ray said, “You go on in. I’ll put the car in the garage.” He let her out at the side door.
Amber switched on the lights in the back hallway, expecting Ray to follow. When she saw him heading back down the drive toward the front of the house, she left her purse on the bottom step, then hurried out after him. She had to run to catch up with him.
Ray heard her heels on the wet pavement. He waited for her to reach him. “It’s too cold for you to be out here.”
“Admittedly a warm fire and a cup of hot chocolate does sound appealing.”
She shrugged philosophically. “If you enjoy walking on a night like this, then so can I.” What could he say to stop her? That he preferred his own miserable company so he could indulge in a bit of self-pity, brood with bitter despair over what he could not change? He needed time alone to explore the potent rage and jealousy tearing him apart.
Who exactly was he trying to fool? His time with Amber, regardless of how brief, was special. It would make precious memories that could be stored away and then brought out during the empty hours when he couldn’t sleep. He often lay awake... thinking of her... all she had said and done. He hungered for her softness, craved her womanly sweetness. His aroused body kept him awake long into the night, frustration mounting with each new dawn.
One single night was the sum total of their time as lovers. Yet the memory was as clear as if it had happened yesterday.
The air was poignant with the smell of freshly washed pine, the sky thick with clouds, the wind from off the lake whipping at their clothing. Although the calendar said spring, winter was not quite ready to let go.
Amber walked along beside him, puzzled by his continued silence.
“How’s the Harris situation?” he asked unexpectedly.
“Much better, since our talk. He’s living up to his end of our bargain. He still has the tendency to drink, but as long as he can control it and doesn’t do it during the day while he’s working, I can live with it. I don’t like it but I have to be fair. He has a right to a private life, away from the school. Do you think I’m being too hard on him?”
“Not for minute. You have the children to consider.”
“They are my most important concern.”
He held in a groan when she casually linked her arm through his. He told himself he didn’t want to feel her softness. Told himself that he didn’t want to be reminded of what he could not have... what might belong to Wilham. Yet he couldn’t explain even to himself why he didn’t pull away.
They walked on in complete silence. While he fought his instincts to claim her as his alone, she fretted that Ginger was right and there was a need to explain Elliott. As they approached the woods, she urged, “A penny?”
“Hmm?”
“For your thoughts. Or is the going rate a dollar these days with inflation? You’re so quiet. You’re aren’t in pain, are you?”
“No. I’m a little tired. I can’t get back in shape by lying in bed all day, catching up on my reading from that stack of books on the nightstand.” Although Ray strove to contain his bitterness, nevertheless some of it was evident in his tone.
“What’s the rush? These past few weeks have been good for you. If you were at home, you’d be working nonstop on your book, rather than resting, regaining your strength. Admit it!”
“Probably.”
“Ray—what’s the matter? And don’t you dare say nothing. Something is bothering you, I can feel it” She forced herself to ask, “Are you annoyed with me because of Elliott? I had a good reason for not introducing the two of you.”
He stopped abruptly, to look pointedly at her. “I did wonder,” he said carefully.
“It’s complicated.”
“I’ve got all night,” he said tightly.
“You’re not making this any easier.”
“You’ve been dating him for a while, I suspect.”
“Yes.” She hesitated, knowing full well she did not want to get into this with Ray.
“Well? How serious is it? Are you making wedding plans that you haven’t told me about?”
“No! What made you think that?”
“The brother has called several times since I’ve been in the apartment. Besides, he had you cornered for half the evening,” Ray said, his hands balled at his side. He would like to slam his fist into something, preferably Wilham’s too handsome face. “Should I have interrupted? I assumed his attentions were welcome.”
“Elliott and I have enjoyed each other’s company for the past six months or so. Lately he wants more from the relationship than I do. We stopped seeing each other just before you arrived. He was upset tonight because you’ve been staying with me. Under the circumstances I thought it best if you two didn’t meet.”
“What kind of relationship? Is that a polite way of saying you two are sleeping together? Is he your lover?” Ray asked bluntly, losing control of the battle with his emotions. Was she in love with the bastard? He had to know if another man had finally taken his place.
“Ray!”
“Just answer the damn question!”