The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology.
—RED AUERBACH, quoted at Good Fortunes, www.goodfortunes.com/v/quote/sorry.html (accessed March 5, 2008)
At age ten, Michael’s protective instincts developed further with the birth of his younger brother, John. He was very excited when John was born, and he immediately took on the role of protective big brother.
Because his father was politically active, young Michael was frequently around adults in a variety of business, political, and social settings. When Michael was twelve, the Murphy family took a summer vacation to Hersheypark in Hershey, Pennsylvania. At that time, Michael was very close to his cousin Tara Reidy, the daughter of Dan’s sister Gerri. Tara went along and stayed with them at the exclusive Hotel Hershey. Unaccustomed to large, expensive hotels, Tara was apprehensive. On their first day, the family went to dinner. All of the various forks, other silverware, and folded napkins made Tara quite anxious. She said she couldn’t eat because she didn’t know what to do with all the utensils. Michael leaned over and said, “Tara, don’t worry about it. You’re never going to see these people again; use whatever fork you want. It really doesn’t matter.” Tara looked anxiously at Michael, who just smiled and nodded his head. Tara returned the smile and became perfectly at ease. After that, Tara and Michael developed a close bond that remained for the rest of his life.
While in the eighth grade, Michael saw a group of boys taunting a special-education child and trying to push him into a locker. Michael interceded and got involved in a fight with several of the bullies. After teachers broke up the fight, the principal of the school called Maureen and said, “Mrs. Murphy, I’m calling not to get Michael into trouble, but I am required to call because the incident happened.” He explained that Michael had been involved in a fight defending a special-education child. While Michael’s parents did not condone fighting, both Dan and Maureen could not have been prouder of their son. After this incident, Michael garnered the nickname “the Protector.” The following year, while taking a shortcut home through a small wooded area, Michael came upon a group of students tormenting a homeless man who had been collecting bottles and cans in a plastic bag. Michael yelled for the other kids to stop. One of them turned toward him and said, “Aw, Murphy, are you going to start?”
Michael replied, “No, I’m not going to start, but you’re gonna stop.”
The students left grumbling. Michael approached the man, who was cowering near a tree, and said, “It’s OK. Here, let me help you.” Michael picked up all of the cans and bottles the boys had thrown and put them back into the large plastic bag. As Michael started toward the man to give him the bag, he began shaking and covered himself. Sensing his fear, Michael stopped and set the bag down and said, “It’s OK. No one is going to bother you. I’m leaving. Your bag is right here when you want it.” When Michael was a safe distance away, the man slowly got up and picked up his bag. Michael turned around and just smiled at the man and waved.
Dan and Michael spent many hours together doing yard work and playing sports. Dan occasionally talked about his military service in Vietnam. He explained to Michael the misfortunes of the enlisted troops on the ground in Vietnam, many of whom were killed as the result of the actions of incompetent or overzealous officers with little or no combat experience. He was adamantly opposed to his son serving in the military—so much so that he repeatedly told Michael that he would disown him if he ever enlisted in the armed forces.
During a memorable game in his last season in the “major leagues,” which was also his last year of middle school, Michael came to the plate with one runner on base and his team down by one run. On the second pitch, Michael hit a home run to win the game. As he rounded the bases and returned to the dugout, everyone patted him on the back and said that he won the game. Taught by his father that a leader is only as good as his team, Michael was quick to point out, “Not really, guys. I only scored one run, and the rest of you scored the others. That’s what allowed us to win the game, not me.”
Michael remembered this invaluable advice from his father: “When you are the leader, when you are out front, someone will always criticize and try and find fault. As the leader, it is your job to lead—your job to make decisions.” As the starting quarterback and the team captain for the Sachem Wolf Pack for four years, Michael became the unquestioned leader of his team. While not always correct, he never hesitated to lead, never hesitated to make a decision, and never abdicated his role as the leader.
In 1991 Michael entered Patchogue-Medford High School as an honor student and took a full college preparatory course load. Among his small group of friends, Paul Viggiano, Pete Lopez, and Tim Scott were his best friends. With his reputation as the Protector preceding him, Michael was the target of the occasional snide comment, but no one challenged him.
A couple of traumatic incidents that involved friends and acquaintances had a major impact on Michael. First, Michael’s girlfriend Adrienne’s younger brother was killed while riding his bicycle in the neighborhood. Later, a young girl who frequently sat with Michael at the lunch table was hit by a car and killed one evening while crossing the highway.
During the summer of Michael’s junior year, in 1993, his uncle Billy Jones, Maureen’s younger brother, lost his battle with cancer and left his wife and three daughters. Their mother was incapable of caring for them, and the three girls, Cathy, Colleen, and Kelly, faced being placed in foster care. This was unacceptable to both Dan and Maureen, so the three girls came to live with the Murphys.
As Maureen tried to set up sleeping arrangements, Michael approached her and insisted, “Mom, I have the biggest room. Put their girls in my room and I’ll move to the sewing room. It’s no big deal.” With that Michael moved to the sewing room, the smallest in the house, without complaint. Naturally, the addition of three additional children in the house created a stressful environment until everyone got used to living under the same roof and to each other’s personalities.
During the summers of both his junior and senior years, Michael served as an intern in the Supreme Court of New York. Here he had the opportunity to research past cases for attorneys and the court, as well as draft preliminary decisions, and having his work reviewed and critiqued by both attorneys and the court. He learned the importance of accuracy and strict attention to detail. Throughout high school, Michael was regularly on the Honor Roll and selected for the National Honor Society his junior year. Michael spent his junior year taking advanced-placement classes that resulted in his taking only two courses his senior year. His cousin Kristen Bogenshutz was two years behind Michael in high school and described him as “always humble. He was talented in every sport he played, and was considered a ‘team player,’ was dedicated, motivated, and put his team interests before his own personal pursuits. Mike did what was best for all involved, rather than choose to put himself in the spotlight. He was brighter than anyone knew, more athletic than we considered, more driven than we could have imagined. He was funny, had a sharp wit, intelligent sense of humor, and was always ready for a prank, but fiercely loyal to those he loved.”
He spent a lot of time on college applications to schools both in New York and neighboring states. Graduating with academic honors in 1994, and accepted at several colleges, Michael chose Penn State University for three specific reasons: it was away from home but within driving distance, it had an excellent academic reputation, and it was a public school with a lighter tuition cost for him and his parents.
Having graduated from high school, Michael’s first “real” job was with the Brookhaven parks department picking up litter and doing general maintenance. He also acquired basic aquatic and lifeguarding skills and began working as a lifeguard at several area pools and beaches, including Lake Ronkonkoma. While he mastered his lifesaving skills, he frequently enlisted the help of his cousins Kelly, Colleen, and Cathy, dragging them across the pool while practicing his water-rescue skills. Here he met Jay Keenan, the O’Callaghan’s, Jimmy Emmerich, and others with whom he became lifelong friends.
When Kelly turned sixteen and was just sitting around the house, Michael walked up to her, dropped a Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) manual into her lap, and said, “Read this.” The next day he took her to the DMV, where she passed her written test and received her temporary permit. Michael exhibited great patience and composure and made sure that she was proficient and obtained her license.
Penn State University
Michael entered Penn State University (PSU) in the fall of 1994 with advanced academic placement. He finished the first semester with a respectable 3.02 grade point average (GPA), and become involved with the intramural football and ice hockey teams.
His 1995 spring semester GPA of 3.69 resulted in his first appearance on the dean’s list, a feat he accomplished five more times, including every semester his junior and senior years. At PSU he led both of his intramural teams to championships while serving as captain.
At some point between his sophomore and junior years, Michael decided to pursue a career in the military. During a family dinner at the Cull House restaurant in Sayville, New York, Michael told his father and brother that he was seriously considering a career in the Marines. John believed Michael was kidding and did not take him seriously, nor did his father, who believed Michael was just expressing his newfound freedom of being in college. On the five-hour drive between PSU and Patchogue, Dan and Michael had lengthy talks about life, school, career, and relationships that strengthened the bond between father and son. It was during the long drives in his junior year that Michael talked about his desire to join the military—only now interested in the Navy. The first time Michael brought the subject up, Dan was so startled that he nearly ran off the road.
In an attempt to get his son back to a “correct” way of thinking, he said, “Michael, I thought you wanted to go law school and be a lawyer.” After some hesitation Michael admitted to his reluctance in becoming a lawyer. He argued that there was an overabundance of lawyers and, as a result, the standards of getting in to law school were exceedingly high.
Dan insisted, “Michael, I told you that I would disown you if you ever went into the military.” Although concerned, Dan was comforted by the thought that Michael was only in his junior year and would probably change his mind and appreciate the potential of a law career. Knowing his father’s concern, Michael avoided any further conversation regarding the Navy. While this curbed Michael’s talk of a military career, it did not lessen his interest.
During Michael’s senior year, he became open and insistent about his desire to become a Navy SEAL, and it became a frequent topic of conversation on the long trips to PSU. Dan, now having backed off his threat to disown Michael, tried to impress upon him that he did not need the service to complete his character. He emphasized that the SEALs were called upon to perform the most arduous and dangerous missions, many of them covert. Due to the nature of their missions, many times they were left to their own devices with little or no support. Dan did not want a military life for his son; he was adamant that Michael forget about a military career and follow in his footsteps and pursue a lucrative law career.
Dan believed that military service was important for young men who had lost their way and needed regimented guidance or a heavy dose of discipline to get them on the straight and narrow. Michael needed neither, and Dan believed that he was wasting his time and talents forgoing a law career and pursuing the military. While Michael agreed that his father made several good arguments, his mind was made up. He would pursue Officer Candidate School (OCS) and Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL (BUD/S) training upon graduation. If those two avenues did not materialize, he could always go to law school.
In early 1998, during his senior year and after having done well on his LSAT examination, Michael applied to numerous prestigious law schools, including Columbia, St. John’s, Fordham, New York University (NYU), the University of Tennessee, Boston University, and Cornell. In April and May letters of both acceptance and rejection came back. Accepted into St. John’s, the University of Tennessee, and Fordham, Michael was both disappointed and pleased: disappointed at not being accepted into NYU, but pleased because the letters strengthened his resolve to join the SEALs as a Navy officer. He continued doing extensive research on the SEALs and the Navy’s Officer Candidate School.