33. If You Don’t Like the Holidays, Bow Out

Major holidays are among the most stressful, and therefore least simple, times of the year. Be honest. How often have you fervently and possibly not so secretly wished that you didn’t have to go through with today’s commercialized Christmas and all the shopping, presents, cooking, office parties, family dinners, overeating, overdrinking, and overspending that’s a long way from simple and in fact complicates your life a good deal?

I know there are people out there who actually love celebrating Christmas and all the other holidays. If you’re one of them, that’s great—do so, and enjoy. But if you can’t bear the thought of sitting through another Christmas dinner, you’re not alone. Studies show that for many people Christmas is the most depressing time of the year. Now that we’re in the enlightened nineties, we know we all come from dysfunctional families. It’s no big deal to finally admit that the holidays are a pain in the neck and move on to other things we’d rather do.

Imagine how you’d like to spend the time you’ve previously spent on holidays—ensconced on the sofa with a stack of good books, relaxing in front of the VCR with your favorite movies, hiking, skiing, or even using the time for private reflection with your family—then set it up exactly as you’d like it to be. We know a couple with three teenage children who have forsaken the holidays altogether and go camping instead. It’s a chance for closeness with each other and with nature and an opportunity to escape the commercialism they no longer want to have in their lives. We know another couple who decided years ago that Christmas was for children. They buy or make special Christmas gifts for the kids in their life, and make a donation to their favorite charity each year for the grown-ups.

To make the transition as easy and as painless as possible, announce well ahead of time to all your family and friends that you no longer want to do Christmas (or Thanksgiving, or Easter, or birthdays, or any one or all of these), or that you want to do it differently from now on and explain why. Let them know you’ll be making other arrangements for the holidays.

Realize that not everyone is going to understand your position, and some might even be hurt by it. If the guilt becomes too heavy, you may have to compromise: Do Thanksgiving but not Christmas. Or whatever.

Also realize that while some may pretend to be hurt, they might actually be delighted that they don’t have to suffer through another Christmas, but they’re too tradition-bound to admit it.

Just think. If you act now, you can free yourself from one of the most stressful events of the year. Don’t waste another moment. This year do Christmas your way.