76. Stop Trying to Change People

I have a good friend who got into an awful mess a few years back from which she is still trying to extricate herself. But, in fact, she hasn’t been trying nearly as hard as I have. I’ve spent a lot of frustrating time and energy over the years attempting to get her to see how she could change her life for the better. The solutions to her problems were so obvious—at least to me! The bottom line is that, though she pays lip service to wanting to change, she is really not all that interested.

One of the things that has become clear to me since I’ve started to slow down is that people do what they want to do. Understanding that has made it possible for me to see the fine line between being supportive and getting in the way. When it comes right down to it, we can’t change other people. They change when they’re good and ready. Ultimately, we all have to get out of our own predicaments. Most often what people really want is a supportive ear. This includes kids and spouses.

Now I just listen. Boy, has that simplified my life. And it has freed up a lot of energy to spend in more enjoyable and more productive pursuits.