88. Change Your Expectations

The 1980s created sometimes unrealistic goals and expectations that we all felt we could or should live up to. It was taken for granted that we would strive for the biggest houses, the fastest cars, the best jobs, the highest paychecks, the most promising futures, the happiest marriages, the most organized households, the brightest kids in the best schools, the latest fashions, and all the space-age gadgets and toys money could buy. Many people have worked harder and harder and feel they haven’t achieved all those expectations. Many people have exceeded their expectations, but it hasn’t made them happy.

We have an acquaintance who is stuck in his expectations. He’s got the big house, the big car, the club memberships, and the high-powered career, but he’s miserable. He doesn’t like what he does for a living, but he can’t imagine giving it up because it’s the job that makes it possible for him to keep the big house, the big car, and the big life-style that he feels he’s “earned” and is entitled to.

Much of our own simplification program, in fact, revolved around changing our expectations. For Gibbs and me, and a lot of other people, the big life-style wasn’t as advertised. When we moved across country so we could get away from the four-hour commute and live where we worked (#51), we had to change our expectations about our career goals. We wondered at the time if we had lowered them, but the extra four hours that the move added to our day, and the tremendous improvement in the quality of that time, more than made up for any loss in terms of career advancement. And, as it turned out, both of us experienced career changes that are now much more satisfying, though very different, from our original expectations.

If you feel you haven’t achieved all those goals, or if you exceeded them and you still aren’t happy, maybe it’s time to admit that the life of the superachiever isn’t necessarily what it was cracked up to be. Hanging on to the expectations of the 1980s is a surefire way to complicate your life. Letting go of them, and establishing your own priorities, will greatly simplify your life.