Two years ago
We all passed the entry Breathalyzer test with flying colors. As soon as Growler and I walked into the gym, we ditched our dates and beelined to the bleachers. Being the genius best friend that he was, Growler had the idea to hide a water bottle filled with vodka that day after school. We made sure we used the same water brand the school used. Friggin’ brilliant. We drained that sucker in three huge chugs each. I only gagged once. Then we popped two pieces of gum and went to get sodas.
By the time I found Gwen, I was totally buzzed. When I went to wrap my arms around her awesome bod, she shoved me away. “Ew. Really, Vance? You’re drunk? How are you drunk?”
I couldn’t explain because, yeah.
She glared at me like I’d killed her puppy and then stomped off with a bunch of her friends. I needed to sit down for a second. Just a second. My stomach was filled with booze. I could feel it sloshing around in there. Did I ever eat dinner? Shit. I should’ve eaten. I stumbled backward and plopped into a folding chair. Gwen was over in the corner surrounded by girls, like every girl in the world. They all kept looking at me. Where did Growler go? I squinted and scanned the dance floor. Fresh air. It was really hot in here. Fresh air. I wiped the back of my sweaty neck. I wanted to hang with my best friend. We planned this. Where was he? Maybe I should go splash my face with cold water. My eyes wouldn’t stay open. What the hell? I only did four or five shots.
A couple lacrosse buddies were suddenly in front of me. Darren and Lucas. “Dude, you didn’t share?” Darren asked. “Lame.”
“Where’s Growler?” I asked. My voice sounded far away. What the hell?
Lucas snorted. “What did you say?”
“Where’s Growler?” I repeated.
“Are you stoned too? I can’t understand you, dude,” Lucas said.
Without warning, I had a guy underneath each arm and I was being told to “walk normal!”
“Where are we going?” I said.
“Don’t talk, Vance. You’re wasted. You’re not making sense,” Darren said in my ear. “Just shut up until we get to the bathroom.”
My eyes refused to stay open, but I felt myself being sat down. Was I on the toilet?
Lucas grabbed my face and told me to open my eyes. “Just stay in here until you sober up. You’ll get tossed out if a teacher sees you like this.”
“Maybe we should take him outside,” Darren said.
“What, so he can hurl all over a teacher on the way? Bad idea.”
“We can’t just leave him in here, Lucas. What if he falls off the toilet? Look, he can’t even keep his body upright.”
I felt myself lean to the side. Luckily the one stall wall was close, or I would’ve been on the tile floor. Everything swayed. I was a tree branch on a windy day. Oooh, Oscar would like that fancy talk. I gritted my teeth and tried to cement the thought to memory. I was the wind, right? Or was I the leaves?
“Shit!” Lucas shouted.
“Can we sneak him out somehow? There’s gotta be a way to get him outside without the whole effing world seeing. Think, Lucas!” Darren demanded.
“I don’t know! God, why do I have to solve this?”
“Is he passed out?” Darren asked.
Someone slapped me across the face, and I puked all over their legs.