A MAN’S FINAL STUBBORNNESS
How did this happen?
I watch the other me with only vague consciousness.
The other me is flinging magic at Shun without a moment’s hesitation alongside the soldiers around me.
My magic won’t work on Shun, though.
There’s always been a difference between our capabilities.
It was a small difference at first, when we were little, but as we grew up, the difference grew as well.
There were times when I was jealous of his talent.
But when I saw how earnestly Shun worked to constantly improve himself, that jealousy turned into pure respect.
Ah, come to think of it, he was like that in our old lives, too. When he has a goal, he pushes toward it without hesitation.
In his past life, that enthusiasm was focused on games, but in this world, it was always his brother Julius, the hero.
The combination of his innate talent and his drive to reach an even higher goal is what led to the scene before my eyes.
The Flame Magic I’m using is a ranged attack that burns everything in a wide area.
It’s not as powerful as bigger spells, but it can still do a lot of damage if you use it against a group of targets.
But Shun cancels it out with magic of his own, going as far as protecting the soldiers around him from harm.
He’s both as stupidly strong and as stupidly softhearted as ever.
Only an idiot would go out of his way to protect his enemies.
I try to smile wryly, but contrary to my will, my face only contorts into a hateful expression.
“Katia! Come back to your senses!”
“How very rude. My senses are fine, thank you. You are a traitor, and traitors must be punished.”
Words that I would never think come out of my mouth.
But deep down, I know.
It’s the real me who’s saying these words.
There have been plenty of signs, ever since I was a child.
In my old life, I was a man.
In this life, I’m a woman.
I have the soul of a man, but I’m living as a woman.
It doesn’t quite match up.
Like water and oil, there’s always been something that refused to mix properly.
And as I grew, that feeling only deepened.
As I entered puberty and my body began to transform further into a woman’s, it became all the more obvious.
It wasn’t just my body.
My inner self was gradually changing.
I didn’t even notice.
But when Shun was attacked by Hugo, I realized something was different.
At that moment, I was so upset that even I didn’t understand why.
When I realized Shun could’ve been killed, it was like my vision went blank.
At first, I thought it was just because Shun was a close friend from my old life, maybe the only close friend I had in this new one.
But from then on, whenever I saw him, I felt strangely uncomfortable.
I didn’t know what that feeling was exactly.
All I knew was that I desperately didn’t want to lose Shun.
And that feeling grew stronger every day.
When I’m near Shun, I feel restless and uneasy.
And yet, when he’s not with me, I feel lonely and equally uneasy.
Either way, whether I’m with him or not, I feel strange.
I was bewildered by my own instability.
It was like I was being controlled by emotions I didn’t understand.
But to be honest, I already knew what that feeling was.
I just didn’t want to admit it.
Originally, I was a man.
Now I’m a woman.
I think that was around the time my heart finally broke in two.
Whenever I saw Sue or Yuri hanging off Shun, my heart began to splinter.
Still, part of me refused to admit it.
My heart and mind were at odds with each other.
But the scales had already been tipped in one direction.
The soul is dependent on the body.
My old self couldn’t outmatch my new feelings.
So the part of me watching myself fight Shun now isn’t what remains of Katia.
It’s what remains of Kanata Ooshima.
I think it’s because the traces of my old spirit still remained that I was able to resist Hugo’s brainwashing a little.
After that first incident, Hugo was strictly monitored, though Shun doesn’t know that.
My family took the lead in building a surveillance system to keep watch over him every single day.
And yet, somewhere along the line, we started to see suspicious signs in the reports.
We used only people we could trust for the surveillance.
People who would never betray us.
Nevertheless, information that was unquestionably false began cropping up in the reports.
I had the personnel changed.
In retrospect, that might have been a bad idea.
Shun inherited the Hero title and left the academy.
After that, other changes happened in the blink of an eye.
Yuri was the first to start acting strange.
She was always so obsessed with the Word of God religion, yet she suddenly stopped mentioning it at all.
She’s never been the type to show her emotions, so I didn’t notice the change.
Thinking back now, she started saying even less than usual at some point, but by then I was too distracted by the other changes to notice.
Something was starting to go terribly wrong.
I realized that, but I didn’t know what was causing it.
I was called by the duke’s people who were observing Hugo, became caught in their trap, then was ultimately brainwashed by Hugo.
It was only later that I finally understood.
By that time, most of the duke’s people had already been brainwashed by him.
And now, I’ve ended up fighting Shun.
Hugo’s brainwashing is terrifyingly powerful.
In a way, it’s a miracle that even a tiny portion of my normal consciousness remains like this.
I’m sure everyone else who’s been brainwashed now simply admires Hugo from the bottom of their hearts.
And even though I’m still faintly aware of what’s happening, there’s nothing I can do.
But still.
Even if there’s nothing I can do, I can’t just give up!
A man has to protect his pride, you know!
I try to rouse my hazy mind into action.
While my main consciousness is focused on composing a magic spell, I use all my strength to interrupt the construction.
Sabotaged by its own creator, the spell misfires.
I put all my power into it, forcing it to go explosively wrong.
“Katia?!”
Shocked, Shun runs over to me.
He catches me just before I fall to the ground.
But I can tell that the life is already draining out of me.
I attacked myself at point-blank range with the full strength of my own magic.
There’s no coming back from that, huh?
This is what I was trying to do anyway.
Through my blurring vision, I see Shun’s desperate expression.
Wow, what a face.
Makes me want to laugh.
Unlike before, this time my face does what I tell it to.
At least I’ll get to die laughing.
My consciousness starts to slip away into the depths, but it’s suddenly yanked back up by a warm light.
“Ah… Shun…?”
“Katia, are you back to normal?”
“Huh? My wounds…?”
The injuries from my spell’s misfire are gone.
“I healed them.”
Shun’s response is simple.
So much for that. I thought I was dead.
“You’re…so…ridicu…lous.”
“Stop trying to talk. We’re getting out of here.”
He lifts me up in his arms, carrying me bridal-style.
All at once, my heart starts pounding so fast that it feels like it might explode.
Despite the dire situation, my face flushes.
Ah, it’s no use.
I can’t fight it anymore.
What was left of my male spirit probably died just now.
As of this moment, Kanata Ooshima has truly become Karnatia Seri Anabald.