“Poor Gary Gary. Maybe he choked on a cherry tomato,” Lily said. “It just takes one wrong inhalation at the right moment.”
“Nope,” Tanya said, using her medical examiner voice. “Throat is clear.” She stripped off her latex gloves.
Nita and Bryant Baylor had ushered all the guests back into the drawing room. Needless to say, no one was hungry anymore. And even if they were, who’d eat the salad now?
“Myocardial Infarction? Aneurism?” My BFF was stretching for some kind of natural cause.
“He’s a warlock. He’s not going to have either of those things.” Witches and warlocks didn’t tend to suffer from mundane human ailments. Which was super great, but it also meant that Gary Gary’s death wasn’t an accident.
“Lily, can you get some details from Rhoda?” I asked. Maybe she could shed some light on the events leading up to Gary Gary keeling over.
“Sure thing.”
I loved Lily for not making this any harder for me.
Bryant Baylor, the stockier, shorter, grumpier, older version of my husband, stomped over to me.
“What is going on here, Hazel? And don’t blow smoke up my ass. You and Ford have been secretive and scarce all afternoon. I know you’re hiding something. Is Gary Gary’s sudden demise part of it?”
“I,” tried to think of good lie and failed, “really don’t know. Honest. I don’t know why he died.”
“I think you’re full of crap,” Bryant grumbled.
“Dad,” Ford warned.
“Oh, you know I like Hazel just fine, son. You and she make a good pair, but I know bull when I hear it.”
“It’s an official investigation,” I said, finally coming up with a good fib. “I can’t talk about it with a civilian.”
Bryant scowled. “You’re a bad liar, Hazel.”
“I’m a great liar,” I said defensively.
Ford raised a curious brow in my direction.
“But I don’t make a habit of lying,” I amended quickly. “Honesty is the best policy and all that.”
“Uh-huh.” My soon-to-be father-in-law looked less than convinced, but he let it go. “I better go help Nita calm the other guests. I was sent to tell you that an ambulance will be here soon to take Gary Gary.”
“Thanks.” Well, crap. There was no way to keep the second death on the down low, and frankly, Gary Gary deserved better than being stuffed in my freezer with Vivi. Unfortunately, my fairytale wedding was quickly turning into a horror story.
Lily returned a few minutes later. “Rhoda said Gary Gary had started sweating profusely, he complained about a headache and said his stomach burned. A few minutes after that, he complained about bugs crawling into the candles and then ranted about pink puffballs trying to suffocate him. That’s when he went face-first into the salad.”
“Do you think sudden insanity caused him to choke?” Maybe someone had placed a crazy spell on Gary Gary.
“I’m pretty sure he was poisoned,” Lily said.
“How?” Common poisons like arsenic and cyanide wouldn’t kill my kind.
Lily gave me a look of pure exasperation. “Didn’t you pay attention in our witch studies class, like ever?”
I hated high school, and the witch studies classes were a pimple on the butt of my high school years. “Rarely,” I answered, giving Lily a look right back. “Just tell me what you think killed him.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. My best guess? Nightshade. It’s fast-acting in witches.”
“In the salad?”
“No. It’s a little bitter and tart, so it would’ve been hidden in something sweet…oh! The currant and blueberry jam. We should probably have it tested.”
I gaped. “Not the jam!” That sealed it. The poison, if it was nightshade, had been meant for me. It’s common knowledge how much I loved the stuff. I’d been known to lick containers clean.
“I switched seats with Gary Gary,” I said, horrified. “He’s dead because I traded places with him. How could I have been so stupid? I didn’t even think about collateral damage.”
Ford put his arm around me. “You couldn’t know, babe. Besides, you didn’t kill him. That blame lies with the murderer.” He kissed the top of my head. “And while I’m outraged for Gary Gary, I’m grateful you’re still breathing.”
I agreed with him. I hated that Gary Gary was murdered in my place, but I still thanked the Goddess I’d survived another attempt on my life. “Is there any way to test for nightshade poisoning?” I asked Tanya.
“Nothing quick.” She lifted Gary Gary’s eyelid. “His pupils are wide and fixed.” She plucked up his lip. “Mucous membranes are dry. I think Lily might be right.” She gave my BFF an appraising glance. “Smart girl.”
Lils shrugged. “I paid attention when it came to all the ways possible to kill a witch.” She flashed an innocent smile at Tanya, who blanched. At that moment, I couldn’t have loved Lily more.
“I could try a reveal spell,” I offered.
Tanya huffed. “Those are complicated.”
I’d heard that from more than one witch, but as unpredictable as my magic was, I seemed to have a natural affinity for location spells, which amounted to the same thing as a reveal spell. “They are my only specialty,” I told my soon-to-be horror-in-law.
I wiggled my fingers at the table.
“Poison, poison
Deadly bright.
Reveal nightshade
With hot pink light.
If death’s herbs
Were meant for me,
Show it now,
So mote it be.”
I had learned spellcasting during my years amongst humans from a Witchcraft for Idiots book, and apparently, so mote it be wasn’t necessary to make magic work. I’d found that I’d gotten so used to it as part of the ritual that whenever I left those words off, my spells failed more than half the time.
Tanya gasped as the tablecloth where Gary Gary had been sitting began to glow hot pink, and so did the single-serving jam pot. Yes! I stuck my tongue out at her. Just a quick, neener-neener-neener. My spell had worked. And by the pink light coating Gary Gary’s mouth and fingers, he had definitely eaten the poison. It was also on Tanya’s hands and Lily’s. Casual transfer from their examinations.
“That is motherflippin’ gross,” Carly exclaimed.
“Who let her back in here?” I asked anyone. “Carly, you need to go to the drawing room with the rest of the guests.”
“Screw that noise,” Carly said. “Your gram asked me to keep an eye on you, and when the head witch shouts jump, I ask how high.” She put her hand to her mouth. “Oops. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that part.”
For a moment, I thought I’d heard her wrong. “Did you say Grandmother sent you to watch me?”
“Well, watch over you.” She frowned. “Just a little. Sorta.”
Anger bubbled in me. I automatically reached down to touch the gun I wasn’t wearing. “What did she say to you exactly?”
“Carly, you should go to Hazel’s wedding.” Carly sniffed. “I told her, hellz yeah! I mean, I live with four witches in a halfway house. This is like a four-star luxury. I plan to have a little hinky-kinky in every room, if you catch my meaning.” She eyed Patrick meaningfully. He blanched.
Ugh. I not only caught it, I was afraid I was going to need a shot of penicillin to get over it. “Not the Bride’s Room,” I said, trying to keep the horror from my expression.
Carly nodded. “That’ll be the first room I hit. I hear the bed is pretty bouncy.” She giggled. “And since security is pretty loose at this joint…” She winked then looked over her shoulder, wiggled her butt and waved at Patrick. He looked away, but not before I noticed a spark of interest in his eyes. Goddess help us all.
Tizzy squeaked her disapproval. “This falls under TMI,” said my little queen of TMI.
“So, my grandmother didn’t say I was in danger or anything like that,” I said.
Carly shook her head. “She implied it.”
“How?”
“By telling me to come to your wedding.” She blew a stray curl from her face. “I can read between the lines. I’ve even started to learn French.”
“Parlez-vous français?” Tanya asked.
“Are you calling me out? Because I will explode a witch,” Carly said.
Tanya shrank back. Reluctantly, I stepped in to help. “She asked if you speak French in French.”
“Oh.” Carly blushed. “I’m only at the boonjourney and wee wee.”
“Got it.” I widened my eyes to Tanya, and we exchanged a look that said, that witch is cray-cray. We didn’t agree on much, Tanya and I, but on this, we were in perfect harmony.
Which made me think maybe my grandmother had just wanted to get Carly out of town for a minute. That, I would understand. But more than likely, the Grand Inquisitor knew about the bounty on my head. Then why send Carly? Why not send her investigators?
Nita Baylor sauntered over. She glanced down at the body and winced. “I’ve talked to the caterer. He said he can hold dinner for half an hour before the food is ruined. Do you think they’ll have Gary Gary moved by then?”
“We have to cancel the dinner,” I told her.
“No!” Nita’s eyes widened with horror. “I spent almost a thousand dollars alone on the meal. We can’t cancel.”
Ford put his hand on his mom’s shoulder. “We think Gary Gary’s death is a result of poisoning. We can’t risk anyone else dying because of the food.”
“But Jordan Masters comes so highly recommended. He’s cooked for your grandmother, the Grand Inquisitor,” she protested, but most of the fight had left her tone. “Fine. How about cocktails then?”
I shook my head. “I think we better keep to canned and bottled drinks for the time being.”
Nita sighed, and I felt bad that all her careful planning had been destroyed. “Dying at a wedding dinner is just rude,” she lamented.
“Nita,” her husband admonished.
“I’m sure Gary Gary is sorry,” Ford said.
Nita blanched, suitably chastised, and walked away, presumably to find canned soda.
High Priestess Sandy joined our group. “I’ve come to check on you both,” she said to Ford and me. “I’m here if you need spiritual guidance.” She held out her hands in a gesture of openness.
Ford and I gave each other a quick look then focused back on the priestess. “Oh, Sandy.” I took her right hand in mine and pointed out the hot-pink glow on her palm. In my best Lucille Ball impression, I said, “I think you have some ‘splaining to do.”