Chapter 24

Sometimes, I envy smokers their ability to exit any uncomfortable situation with a simple phrase, and for a moment considered taking up the habit just so I’d have an excuse to spend a few quiet moments processing what I’d just learned. Instead, I claimed to be in need of a trip to the restroom and scurried upstairs to my bedroom.

Looking around, I noticed the vestiges of my time as Alexis Balefire, Demi-Goddess Extraordinaire. Several shades of red lipstick lined the top of my vanity, my pink polka-dotted beanbag chair had disappeared, and my closet leaned heavily toward all things black. I remembered, of course, procuring all of these items; I even remember relegating Salem to the dormer room, beanbag chair and all. It was a good thing I’d kept my job, because it was going to take a month’s salary in lobster to satisfy Salem’s ire for the way I’d treated him.

I sank down into my cushy new mattress (the old one had carried the faintest whiff of Kin’s aftershave) and took a deep breath. Yes, I was glad to be whole, free from the Balmorrigan’s spell, and back in my family’s good graces. I was elated to see Gran and Aunt Mag after months of avoiding them, and I was over the moon about Kin. Had those been my only concerns at the moment, I’d have asked Gran to hold down the Balefire duties, transported with Kin to some remote sandy beach, and insisted neither of us put on clothes for a solid week.

But there were more pressing concerns, like taking out my arch-nemesis before her evil spawn got to me or Kaine, and then of course there was the big dark cloud that had been hovering over my head ever since Garrick and Fritzroy explained what our father had been up to for the past several centuries.

The fact that they seemed to revere him didn’t surprise me; he was, after all, a god. He also acted like a misogynistic pig toward women, at least from what I’d seen during my trips to the past, but I couldn’t deny that I may have been somewhat mistaken in his intentions. Maybe. A little. But did the why of his intentions outweigh the how he went about fulfilling them?

Which also meant that I might have misinterpreted my mother’s intentions as well. As if summoned by my thoughts of her, I heard a soft knock on my door, and a moment later, Sylvana poked her head inside. “May I?” She asked in a small voice.

I nodded, and she came over to perch next to me at the foot of the bed. “We need to talk. Get past this rift. I…I owe you an apology. Several, in fact,” she said, looking at me expectantly.

Even though I knew it was cruel, I didn’t say anything and allowed her to sweat it out. “Your father isn’t the villain you want to think he is. Your grandmother wouldn’t have approved of any man I brought home, and I’m sure Grandma Tempest had her reasons as well. Cupid didn’t always come across as a nice guy, but that didn’t mean his heart wasn’t in the right place. A lot of what we just heard was news to me as well, and it was quite illuminating.”

“You’re still just trying to get me to help you find him. And I’m not sure if I’m ready for another family reunion. I’m also not sure how I feel about you. Kin says you saved him when the riders came. That you put his safety ahead of everything else.” I looked my mother square in the eyes so she would know just how serious I was. “Did you do it just to make up for nearly letting him die before?”

She sighed. “I’m not perfect, Lexi. Not by a mile. And you’re right, choosing the bow over him was not the right choice. Your father would be ashamed of me. I’m ashamed of myself. I knew you’d save him, and it would work out in the end. But it was selfish, and I’ve spent enough time being selfish. It was the second time I didn’t take your well-being into account, and considering I had twenty-five years to mourn the first time, you’d think I’d have learned my lesson.”

My mother’s words struck a chord. How many times had I tried to mend my halves together? First, in the woods on the way to Shadow Hold where the Bow of Destiny had been kept. That had been too simple; an acceptance of what I considered my split personality, and easily forgotten the next time the question of exactly who and what I was had come up.

Then, again, when I repaired the bow and it became a part of me. The alien presence of a sentient weapon had me second-guessing myself, and I let the uncertainty pull me into its undertow. That was nothing compared to my reaction to Kin’s absence in my life, which, thankfully, had finally helped me come to terms with what it meant to be a Fate Weaver. But just because it had worked out for the best didn’t mean I was proud of my actions.

Tears shimmered in eyes so like my own that looking at my mother was like looking in a mirror. She’d gone to prison when she wasn’t much older than I was now. Had I made the best decisions since major life events kept coming up? Probably not, and I kept expecting her to have more experience as a mother. How fair was that?

Would it be fun to spend the rest of my life trying to live down my choices? Again, probably not. My family had forgiven me without even requiring an apology. They should have been ashamed of me for my treatment of my mother, and it was time for me to let go of yet another emotional albatross, and just forgive her and move on.

“I understand.” I stated simply, noting the look of surprise on Sylvana’s face. “Nobody’s perfect. Not me, not you, not Gran. Not even Aunt Mag,” I added wryly. “But don’t tell her I said that. She’d probably shrink all my underwear or something equally annoying.”

We exchanged a look and burst out laughing. Every time I’d wiped the tears from my eyes, Sylvana’s lip would twitch and it would set me off again. When we were finally able to control ourselves, my mother wrapped her arms around me in a hug so fierce it caught me completely by surprise. I blinked back tears that had nothing to do with laughter, and clung to her like a life raft.

“From now on, we behave like a team. Understood?” She spoke with the tone of a mother, and it almost made me start back in with the hysterics.

“Understood. And Mom?”

“Yes, Lexi?”

“I kind of stole the ritual tools you used to keep in the closet.”

“That’s okay. I stole them from Aunt Mag.”