spent the better part of his adult life trying to look after his brother—though he’s never asked for it—I sure have come to depend a lot on him lately. Since yesterday, Georgia’s words have been replaying in my mind that by clinging to this vengeance mentality, I’m forcing Nate to relive events he wants to move on from. So I’ve asked him and Janine to come to my house so I can obtain some big brother wisdom.
According to Georgia’s brief text exchange this morning, she’s locking herself in her apartment and diving into her work, but she didn’t tell me anything about it. She just thanked me for providing some new inspiration. As per usual. I’ve heard that artists are mysterious and secretive about their work, but she takes things to a whole other level, which doesn’t help matters when I’m trying to prove she’s not involved in these crimes.
I pull into my driveway behind Nate and Janine’s van and look to the right. Sure enough, Bruce is parading around buck naked in his living room, behind a window big enough he might as well be on a jumbotron. I don’t know if he’s doing a Richard Simmons workout or what, but he’s so sweaty, I can see the sheen from here.
With my right eye closed and my head turned as far left as possible, I walk to the side entrance along the driveway. I go up the ramp and enter my kitchen to find the lovebirds settled in my dining room.
“Hey. We grabbed lunch,” Janine greets, holding up a paper bag and gesturing to the table.
I walk over to give her a hug and Nate a fist bump. He showed up, which is something, but I still get the impression he’s mad at me. I’m not sure how he’ll take it when I tell him he might be right, but I still can’t confirm or deny that with enough evidence to do anything about it.
We sit down and dig into the shawarma and salad, all while carrying on vague conversations. Apparently, our sister Penny has a new boyfriend. At twenty-two, I figured it would happen, but Nate doesn’t seem thrilled about the guy. Clearly, he has strong opinions about his siblings’ love lives.
Once we’re finished, Janine stands to pick up the dishes.
“I’ll get that, J.”
“I see your brother every day. We came all the way here so you guys could visit and that won’t happen if you’re in the kitchen. Let me handle it. You guys go chat.”
My brother really did win at life when he asked Janine to be his date to the homecoming dance as a junior. They’ve been inseparable ever since, despite the hard times they’ve gone through. Their love for each other has stood every test.
“Thanks, J.” I stand to give her another hug because I greatly appreciate her.
Nate and I move into the living room, where he situates himself in the front corner near the windows. “What in the name of…?”
I follow his eyes, even though I know what I’m going to see. It only takes a split second for my eyes to land on Bruce’s bouncing belly. Thankfully, that’s all I catch an eyeful of this time. “I don’t know when he turned into a nudist, but I’m starting to think this house was cheap because of him and not the structural issues.”
“Why is he so sweaty?” Nate is staring with his nose turned up and his face scrunched.
“How would I know? I’m not going to ask him.”
Nate’s laughter starts out slowly, but once he gets going, it turns into a fit of giggles. Reminiscent of Nate as a carefree kid. He’s slapping his knee, tears streaming down his face, howling. It’s impossible not to join in. I drop on the couch, careful to choose an angle that doesn’t look into Bruce’s windows, and allow myself to really laugh. It feels good. Not just for myself, but hearing my brother too.
Janine walks into the room with a dish towel over her shoulder. “What is going on in here?” she asks with a wide smile.
All Nate can do is lift his hand to point.
Curiosity wins out, and she strides over to the window to see what the fuss is about. “There’s nothing th—” She freezes for a second. “Oh. Wow… Well, good for him. You’ve gotta admire his confidence.” Like the mature, sensible person she is, Janine doesn’t find the same humor in it Nate and I do.
I guess, when it comes down to it, we’ll always be the troublesome Prewitt boys.
Once our laughter dies down and Janine disappears again, Nate turns to me with no hint of amusement left in his voice. “So, are you going to fess up?”
That forces any residual chuckles I had to die in my throat. “To Georgia?”
“No. Well, you should, yeah, but that’s not what I was talking about. I mean, why did you ask us here?”
Suddenly, being the recipient of my brother’s stare makes me wish he’d turn his attention back to my perspiring neighbor. “I want to make things right again.”
“Arch, I’m not sure what to tell you. I’m not mad at you for doing your job, but I am worried that your obsession with it is going to ruin something good.”
“Nothing has ever mattered more than doing my job.” Until now, I realize after I finish my sentence.
Nate leans forward, resting his forearm across his thighs. “And now?”
It’s alarming how perceptive he is. Really, I should get him a job at the bureau. It would be so much easier if I could use his instincts as concrete evidence; if they mattered for anything more than his opinion.
“Georgia is the one who will suffer the consequences when you realize she’s not guilty of whatever you think she is. I can’t even give you a good reason why I’m so sure of that, but I’d bet my house on it.” His confidence in each word leaves no room for doubting his assurance she’s innocent.
“You think I want her to be guilty? Do you actually think that I want the woman I’m falling in l—” I stop myself short, surprised by my almost confession.
Nate gawks at me with his infamous big brother told you so stare. “Go ahead. Finish your sentence.”
I swallow the words back down. “I can’t.”
“Can’t fall in love with her?”
I nod without looking at him. “My heart and my head say two different things. My heart wants to believe you’re right. But my head… It’s battling between doing my job and doing what I want.”
Nate is a romantic, as evidenced by how in love he is with his wife. I can already anticipate his solution to my problem before he says a word.
“Sometimes we have to listen to our heart. Throw logic out the window.”
“Hearts make bad choices.”
“I disagree.” He pauses, waiting until I lift my eyes to look at him before continuing. “When my accident first happened, all logic told me to end my life. My head told me things would never be the same and that Janine could move on, find someone to have a better life with. Someone who could climb Machu Picchu or ride in a rodeo. But you know what I learned?”
My insides twist in a knot hearing Nate admit that. “What?” I choke out.
“She didn’t want to climb Machu Picchu or ride in a rodeo. She wanted me. And I know things aren’t perfect. There are things that will always hold us back, but what we have is enough. If I had listened to my head, rather than following my heart, I wouldn’t be here.”
This is news to me. I know Nate went through bouts of depression for a couple of years after his accident, but that was understandable. In addition to medical intervention, we all rallied together to help him. I didn’t realize he was considering taking his life. It goes to show, you can know someone, yet not know them at all.
I feel like the world’s worst brother for not knowing any of this sooner. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“That’s not really the point. But that’s the funny thing about depression. It convinces you that things won’t get better, so there’s no use weighing anyone else down with the constructed reality it creates. Janine pulled up a blog with an epic bucket list to prove a point, and aside from one or two, there was nothing holding me back from the rest of them. She made me focus on everything we could have and not on what I lost. Because at the end of the day, it was what I still had that really mattered.”
My eyes are watering by the time Nate finishes his brief speech. I blink a few times and clear my throat before replying. “Do you feel like I’ve held you back? Like my thirst for justice has kept you from really moving on?”
He takes a deep breath, leaning back and focusing his eyes on the fireplace. “Sometimes.”
I drop my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. “Nate—”
“No, don’t apologize. You’re a good brother, but at the end of the day, the only person it’s really holding back is you.”
Janine walks into the room, drawing our attention. I flick my gaze back to Nate and watch his eyes light up at the sight of her. His lips turn up in an unmistakable grin.
She doesn’t pay any attention to me as she walks across the room to the man who holds her heart. “We’ll have to go soon. It gets dark early.”
“Yeah, I think we’re good here.” He turns to look at me. “Right, Arch?”
“Yep,” I reply, rubbing my hands on my knees as I stand. “I don’t want to hold you guys up. Thanks for coming so last minute.”
“There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you,” Janine replies before pulling me in for a final hug. “Except driving at night. That’s where I draw the line.”
Fifteen minutes later, I’m standing alone in my driveway after moving my Jeep for Nate and Janine to leave. I have so many conflicting and confusing thoughts swirling in my head, I don’t notice my neighbor approach until he’s standing four feet away. That’s not a good thing for an FBI agent—especially one working undercover, who should always be on alert.
Thankfully, Bruce appears fully clothed. “You’ve been working a lot lately, huh? I’ve barely seen you home.”
“All part of the job. Sometimes it calls for long hours.”
He shakes his head, which makes his third chin wobble with the movement. “I hope that means you’ll take some time off soon, Archie boy. Remember, don’t give your life—”
“To a job that doesn’t give it back,” I finish. “I know.”
If only it were easy enough to walk away without consequences. Right now, I’m left with an impossible scenario that can’t be solved by a few days off. And it’s time for me to sort it out.