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26

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NOAH

Having your bell run during a game was the absolute worst, especially when you knew your girlfriend came to watch you play and you were afraid you messed everything up by telling her you loved her too soon. I had to sit out the rest of the game and have the doctors test me for a concussion. They were worried about me, but I passed the baseline test, so it was all right. In between periods Coach LaVoie came to see me.

“How’s the head?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Got my bell rung a little, but I think I’m okay.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you sure?”

I just shrugged, because honestly who knew when it came to head injuries. I felt fine right now with the adrenaline of being in the zone and then tomorrow I could be in a fog.

“We’re going to scratch you for a few games, just to make sure you’re okay.”

I groaned. “Come on, I can play.”

“Don’t argue,” he said before walking away.

This freaking blew.

LaVoie ended his career early because of concussions back in the day, so maybe he was just extra cautious when it came to his players. I was too pissed to even look at my phone until I hitched a ride with TJ back to our shared condo. What I saw on my phone hurt worse than my head.

DINAH: I’m sorry, Noah. I can’t do this.

“What the fuck?” I yelled out loud.

TJ raised an eyebrow at me and cut his eyes back to the road. I threw my phone down on the floor below me. This was NOT freaking happening right now. Why? I clenched and unclenched my fists throughout the whole ride home. My heart felt like an empty black hole inside my chest, filling itself with rage. I couldn’t even look at Dinah’s door, instead just barreled inside our condo.

TJ went into the kitchen, poured a shot of vodka and handed it to me. “Here,” he said shoving it towards me. “You need this.”

I took it without answering him. I downed the hatch and exhaled, running a shaky hand down my face. I had a shit game and now my girlfriend decided to end it for reasons that seemed unknown to me. What in the actual fuck? I was too angry to even respond to her text and she hadn’t sent anything further. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong. Because I told her I loved her? If it was too soon for her, that was fine for me, but to just break up with me?

TJ looked up from his phone. “You want to talk about it?” he asked cautiously.

“No,” I huffed.

TJ clapped me on the shoulder. “Okay, well we’re on the road again for the next week, so how about you just focus on games?”

“I’m scratched for a few games.”

TJ winced. “Sorry, man.”

I poured out another shot and made him do one with me. I slammed the glass back down on the table. “Did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That she was gonna break up with me?” I asked with a sigh.

TJ shook his head. “No. I thought things were going really well between you. What happened?”

I shrugged, but I think I knew what had happened. I scared her away by telling her I loved her, but I couldn’t take it back. Even though my heart felt like it was ripped in two right now, I knew that I loved her with every fiber of my being. I loved that woman so fiercely, but she would never see me in that light. She did the smart thing by breaking up with me instead of stringing me along. But damn to do it over text when I was having a shittastic game, that was kind of cold. I never thought of Dinah as being a cold person. She was a little flaky at times and got into her own head, but never a cold-hearted person.

TJ continued to stare at me for some time and I just stared off into space with my own thoughts. He cocked his head at me. “Kens, are you okay?”

I shook my head. “Not in the fucking slightest.”

“Are you sure she broke up with you?”

I pulled out my phone and showed him the text message. His brow furrowed and he shook his head. “This doesn’t seem like her. Were you guys fighting?”

I scratched the back of my head and took my phone back from him. “No...I mean things have been awkward between us since I told her I loved her.”

His eyes widened.

“What?”

He cringed. “Maybe she wasn’t ready for that.”

“I didn’t expect her to say it back, I told her that.”

“Did you respond?”

I shook my head.

“Don’t. Give it a day and sleep on it.”

I left my phone on the counter, and just headed to bed. It wasn’t that late, but I felt like the moon was crushing down on my world and I was spinning out of control. All I wanted to do was sleep and not think about anything, but my bed was cold without the small woman I loved curled up into my side. I spent the night staring at the ceiling just thinking of everything I did wrong to make her turn away from me.

TJ woke me up in the morning, as we had a travel day before the next week of games. We had back-to-back games in Anaheim and San Jose, then in Tampa, before returning for a home game Saturday afternoon. I was going to travel with the team, but coach didn’t want me to play in California. So I went to morning skate, let the medical staff fuss over me, watched video, and went to all the meetings, but I wasn’t really there. I wasn’t myself and everyone was worried that it was a concussion, but I finally had to admit it was just heartbreak.

“I’m fine,” I seethed at the team’s doctor. “It’s not my head, it’s my heart.”

He nodded his head and clapped me on the back. “You’ll get through it, there’s always another girl.”

After the game in San Jose, I went out with the boys for drinks, but I felt my phone burning a hole in my pocket. I pulled it out and stared at the screen at that sentence some more. I didn’t want to respond at all, but I had to know why. I had to know what I did to make her just end it all in a snap decision.

ME: Why?

I saw the dots typing, then they stopped. That went on for a little bit, but stopped again. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and guzzled down my beer. I flagged down the waitress for another and pretty much gulped that one down quickly too.

Riley eyed me with worry. “Kennedy...”

I gripped the glass hard in my hand, so hard I thought I was going to break it. “I’m fine.”

He leaned back in his chair and took his phone out too. He was typing something and looked up at me with a worried glance. The silver ring on his finger glinted underneath the low bar lights.

“Ri, are you seriously still married?” I asked.

“Yeah, man, wooing my wife takes time,” he explained.

“Why aren’t you in like an open marriage or some shit?” TJ asked.

Riley balked at that and gave him a dirty look. “I DON’T cheat.”

TJ stood up to go talk to the cute Asian girl he had bought a drink for earlier, leaving Riley and I to stew in our lady drama. Riley turned to me and said, “I asked Fi to check in with your girl, she can’t figure out why D just up and broke up with you either.”

“Appreciate it, man. I think I scared her away,” I admitted honestly as I took another swig of my beer.

He raised an eyebrow. “You told her you love her, didn’t you?”

I nodded.

Riley scratched his jaw. “I don’t think that’s why she broke up with you though. I’ve hit on her multiple times throughout the years, and she’s only had eyes for you.”

“I just don’t understand.”

“She was there when you took that big hit, maybe it scared her. Maybe it made her think about all she went through with her husband dying?”

I stared at him for a really long time.

He just shrugged at me.

“Holy fuck, I think you’re right.”

He laughed. “Women, man. They certainly make our lives...interesting.”

I finished my beer. “Complicated more like it.”

We clinked beer glasses. “That’s for sure.”

***

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IT HAD BEEN TWO WEEKS since Dinah had broken up with me via text, and I was a miserable fucker. So when we lost yet another game, and were now officially out of the playoffs, I didn’t even have a reaction. I just went through the post-game motions in a fog, but luckily I didn’t have to talk to the media today. It was safe to say we all needed to go to the bar and get a bit drunk. I was heartbroken, and I needed to be drunk right now. TJ was happy to oblige.

I grabbed a beer at the bar with Benny. His brown skin shone under the bar lights, his hair perfectly styled which turned a lot of heads from the women in the bar. He was kind of a pretty-boy and women always noticed him. Also, at six-foot-four, the giant tended to turn heads. He was wearing a burden on his shoulders though, so I think he needed this too.

“You okay, man?” he asked me.

I just grunted.

He chuckled. “Okay...you know if you need to talk I’m here, right?”

I nodded.

He sighed and ran a hand down his neatly trimmed beard. “Listen, I think I get how you feel right now.”

“Oh?” I asked, curious, but also not really because I found what was in the bottom of my beer to be super fascinating.

“Yeah. Stephanie and I just aren’t working out. I think we’re going to break-up.”

I frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

He shrugged. “We just want different things. Great girl, but I’m not the marrying type.”

“Is that what she wanted?”

He nodded. “Yeah, the whole marriage, kids, the white picket fence, she wanted all that shit and I have never wanted any of that stuff. A partner would be great, but marriage? Kids? That’s a hard no.”

“Hmm...” I trailed off lost in my own thoughts.

This conversation sounded very familiar to me. Someone else had told me pretty much the same exact thing. A Canadian girl who pretended she hated Benny’s guts, but secretly checked him out when he wasn’t looking. That was interesting.

“So is it over?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Not yet, but I think it’s on the way. Great girl, it just sucks when you want different things.”

I didn’t really know what to say, but I guess it didn’t matter because I saw his mouth drop open slightly at something behind my head. I turned around, and just laughed at him straight up gawking at the curvy blonde who had walked into the bar and was hugging TJ tightly.

Roxanne Desjardins.

What was she doing in Philly?

Benny’s eyes swept over her form, almost zooming in on her ample chest. It probably didn’t help that Rox was wearing a low-cut top and jeans that fit her perfectly. Not that I was looking. Rox was just my friend, but she was an attractive girl. I nudged him, but it was too late, her eyes crossed the room to us and she pinned Benny with a death glare. It was so hard, if looks could kill, Benny would be a pile of dust right now. She gave him the finger and Benny turned away to scowl into his beer all grumbly.

“Benny!” I exclaimed and punched him in the arm.

“What?” he grumbled, annoyed at me.

I shook my head. “You have to stop foaming at the mouth around her. And maybe fucking apologize for what you said to her the last time!”

He grumbled and tossed back his drink. “I did apologize. She’s made it clear that she rather make-out with a skunk than ever have a normal conversation with me.”

I just shook my head at him again, because he didn’t see the way Rox’s eyes scanned across his body when his back was turned to her. I didn’t know if she knew she did it. Someone definitely needed to knock some sense into those two. This man was so in love with her, he was hopeless. Benny looked as miserable as I felt, but I left his side to go greet Rox. She was probably the only other person that knew what I was going through right now.

“Noah!” she greeted with a smile.

I hugged her tightly. “Hi, Rox. What are you doing in Philly?”

Her gaze slid across to her brother, and the twins shared some sort of telepathic conversation. “I had some time off, so I figured it was time to come visit.”

The smile plastered across her face was fake, but I didn’t know if it was for my benefit or hers. Rox was an attractive girl, but I was pretty sure TJ would straight murder me if I ever showed an interest in his sister. Some guys took the code very seriously. She was a like a sister to me too anyway.

“Let’s get a drink!” she exclaimed, and led me over to the bar. Benny was still at the bar staring into his drink, but Rox side-stepped him to go towards the other end of it. She ordered shots for us to take.

“Rox, come on,” I complained.

She grinned wickedly and handed me the shot. “I think we both need this.”

We clinked glasses and downed the hatch. Maybe it would be okay to just bury myself in being with my friends and having a good time. I could ignore my heart as it broke each day that I wasn’t with Dinah. I ordered another round. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea because Rox could drink me under the table. She could probably drink all the guys under the table.

Rox and I settled into the bar stools and she casually put a hand on my shoulder. “You okay?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Not in the fucking slightest.”

She gave me a small smile in sympathy.

“What about you?”

“Fucking terrible,” she admitted.

I took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I’m sorry about what happened with you and Lisa. You want to talk about it?”

She sighed. “Not really. She cheated on me. Three years down the drain like that, and then kicked me out.”

Anger coiled itself around my chest. “What?”

She waved a finger at me. “Do NOT tell my brother that last part. I’m fine.”

I could tell by that last part that she was definitely not fine, but if there was anything I learned from living with TJ, it was that the Desjardins were the most stubborn people on the planet. I put my hands out as if to surrender. Rox knew her secrets were safe with me, because I wasn’t one to go telling everyone.

She fixed me with a pointed glare. “So what happened? I really liked you and Dinah together. The height difference is kind of comical, but you two always made sense to me.”

I just shrugged and opened my mouth but the words wouldn’t come.

“What?” she asked confused.

“I have no idea,” I admitted. “She came to a game, I took a bad hit to the boards and then she broke it off via text.”

She put an arm around my shoulder. “Noah, I’m so sorry. Maybe I can talk to her?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, she’s not really talking to anyone. I’m about ready to go track down her brothers that’s how bad it is.”

Her eyes widened. “You’ve met her brothers?”

I nodded. “They’re a bit much, but I think they really love her.”

She laughed. “That’s for sure. Her brother Tony hit on me aggressively last time I came to visit. Eddie’s cool though, I might get a tattoo from him.”

I laughed and eyed the maple leaf tattoo on the inside of her wrist.

Rox seemed to be pondering something, her black manicured fingernail tapping against her plum-colored lipstick. “Noah, I love you and I feel for you, but I don’t think this is about you.”

I gave her a confused look.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “I think whatever reason Dinah broke up with you, it might not be about you. It might be about her issues with her dead husband. I think maybe you just need to give her some time.”