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Abigail
The year hasn’t gotten better. After the New Year’s party, everyone went home. They did have a show walking out, though. I couldn’t have asked for a better job then what my boys did. We’ve been back to school for about two and a half months. I wasn’t going to go, but Clayton wasn’t hearing it. So here I am, freezing my ass off and dealing with the pain.
Everyone has done well to keep Harmand away from me. He pled not guilty, so until the evidence is brought out in the trial, he’s getting to do pretty much any damn thing he wants. He has cornered me a couple of times, but I’ve kept it to myself. There’s enough shit going on with the rape and waiting for court. His father is on paid leave as well as Killian. Stevens, the principal, didn’t want them around students till the whole mess was sorted.
I’m still singing at Mac’s for the dinner crowd during the week and all weekend. Right after school, I’m pushing papers at Radman’s. I have to keep up with both jobs to pay for my new secret. I’ve done well keeping it from the guys, but I’m pretty sure Vic is starting to pick up on the fact that I never run out of pills. It’s hard to hide my shit because I’m still not driving, and the only time I’m alone is when I’m at work, or the boys are.
I just left Music Theory, and I’m heading to lunch where the boys will greet me. Only I make a stop in one of the quiet halls to take a pill. The cold is driving me crazy and hurting like a bitch. If I could drive, I’d have already left and gone home. Once my pill is down, and the bottle is back in my bag, I’m turning the corner only to walk into Harmand.
“Fuck.” I shout, grabbing my shoulder. “Watch where you’re fucking walking.”
“Look who’s talking, whore.” Harmand replies. “Seems I didn’t knock you up. Guess I need to try again.”
“How do you know I didn’t get rid of it?”
“Because it’d be part of you. Then I’d get exactly what I’ve always wanted. You.”
“Leave me alone, Harmand! You aren’t supposed to talk to me.”
He looks up and down the hall then back to me. “Nobody’s around to stop me. It seems your boys are getting lazy.” Harmand shoves me against the wall and holds me there by my shoulder.
“Stop. Now.” I plead but wait for him to bring himself closer to me. Once he’s within hitting distance, I bring my knee up, clip his balls and knocking him to the ground. I give him a quick kick to the face with the new boots Clayton made me get. They’re steel-toed or something. Then take off running before he can get up and catch me.
After I get away from Harmand, I head for the cafeteria, watching my back the whole way. I’m just about to the cafeteria when I run into somebody while I’m watching behind me. Hands go around my waist as my shoulder smacks into a chest.
“Ouch. Fuck. Shit.” I shout before looking up into Clayton’s face.
“Honey, what’s the matter?” Clayton questions.
“I thought I saw Killian. I’m okay now.” I lay my head on his chest.
“Honey, you know there’s no way he can be here.”
“That’s what they say, but I still worry.”
“Well, there’s nobody behind you.” Clayton smooths my hair back before taking my hand. “Come on, Vic’s waiting on us.”
“Actually, I was thinking about calling Fred. The cold and I are not going over well today.”
“Why don’t you come to lunch then we go to music and then I’ll take you home?”
“I don’t want to do music, again today.”
“Abigail, what’s going on?”
“I don’t feel well. I just want to go home.” My whole-body twitches when I feel eyes land on me. I know the only person that can make me feel that way is Harmand. “Please, just let me call Fred.”
Clayton pulls me into him. “Where’s your backpack?”
“Um, I must have left it in class.”
“Well, let’s go get it.”
“I can go; you just go ahead and get lunch.” I say, turning away before he can see my face. I’m trying to school it, but Clayton always catches me up if I’m lying.
“Honey, what’s going on? Where’s your bag, really?”
I sigh in defeat turning back toward him. “Do we really have to do this?”
He puts out his hand. “Come on, show me.”
I relent and take him to where all hell broke loose. I point to where there’s blood on the floor I’m sure from me kicking Harmand in the face. “It happened here.”
Clayton speaks, but his voice is very rigid. “He touched you.”
“Yeah, he usually does.” I say, and he balls his fist. “I’m fine. Can we just find my bag? I have homework.”
His eyes are looking at the ground. “I’ll be right back.”
He ducks into the boy’s bathroom, and I go from being upset to straight pissed off. I’m gone, leaving Clayton to find my bag. Apparently, someone else needs my attention more. I walk into the cafeteria. My eyes are scanning the area and landing on just who they need. Not thinking, I walk over and smash Harmand’s face into his tray, and as he stands up, I grab someone else’s tray and swing it, smashing it against his face and watching it break.
“What the fuck? You crazy bitch!” Harmand shouts.
“Where’s my bag?”
“Looks like your bitch found it. I’m sure it smells excellent now.”
Just as I’m lifting my foot to take out a kneecap, I’m lifted from behind; my foot comes up, clipping Harmand under the chin, landing him on the table behind him as I throw my head back to get whoever off me.
“Get off me, fucker!” I shout, swear, and continue kicking my legs as I’m being walked backward.
My feet are grabbed, and I look up, seeing Clayton. Which means Vic is holding me. Oops.
“We’re putting you down.” Clayton says as he lets go of my feet, then Vic rights me once again. He steps back away from me and tips his head up to Clayton, and a look passes over both of their faces. It’s like they are having a conversation without any words. They do this a lot now.
“You take her on home, and I’ll grab our work. I know I have some in Home-Ec. I’ll see you both in twenty.” Vic kisses me on the cheek then does the same with Clayton.
“Have you got everything you need, honey, or do we need to go to your locker?”
I look at my bag. “I don’t use the locker anymore.”
Clayton wraps his arm around me. We sign ourselves out; then we’re off to home. Clayton drives him and me, but Vic still drives the wrecker. Clayton helps me into the car before getting in on the driver’s side. With my head laid against the window, I can just hope Clayton lets it go.
We’re just about home when Clayton speaks up. “Honey, seeing as we’re about home. Wanna tell me what the hell happened?”
I swallow audibly. “I took care of it.”
“What were you doing in the same zip code as him?”
“I had to piss after class. When I was coming around the corner, I smacked into him. Once he got close enough, I dropped him. I didn’t know he was going to be there. Okay?”
Clayton sighs, running a hand through his hair. “After this, maybe we should take Wayde’s mom up on you homeschooling at least till the trial is over.”
“Why am I being treated like the guilty one? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You almost kneecapped him, but Honey, it’s not about treating you like your guilty. It’s about keeping you safe.”
“Don’t you get it? I’m not safe. I won’t be, not until they are behind bars and the nightmares stop. I can’t close my eyes without reliving everything that happened. It doesn’t matter if I’m at home or at school.”
“I don’t know, maybe I can drop a class, so I can meet you after yours.”
“You aren’t dropping classes. It’s something I need to deal with. You, Vic, our friends, and family. You all can’t do this for me. I have to do it. Would you let me drop classes if the roles were reversed?”
“No, but I understand where you’re coming from. Every time I see him, I want to bash his fucking brains in, but I know that all that would do is take me away from you and Vic. While I know it’s not the right thing, I still can’t help but fantasize about it every time I see him. About how good it’d feel to see his skull cracked open on the ground. Seeing him fills me with rage, but it seems like for you, it’s something else, and I don’t know how to protect you.”
“You can’t always be there to protect me. Sometimes it’s something I have to battle alone. Like the nightmares, if it were just what happened this time that’s bothering me, I could bury it. It’s everything. I close my eyes, and it all comes flooding back. Eight years of hell, and I relive it daily, but I smile and pretend that everything is okay to keep my dark cloud away from you and Vic.”
“Maybe you should think about talking to someone?”
“And maybe not. I don’t need some busy body in this small town sticking their nose in my business, then blabbing to everyone.”
“Then we look for someone a town or two over. Driving an hour out of town wouldn’t be a problem, especially if it means it could help.”
“Clayton, I said, no.”
“Would you even consider it?”
“No, because it ain’t happening. I don’t want to sit on someone’s couch with a box of tissues and cry about my problems. I’m dealing with them the same as I have every other time.” Clayton gets quiet as we pull into the driveway to find Wayde’s momma walking out of the house. “Just perfect.” I say under my breath.
