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Abigail
The lawyer went precisely how I figured it would. Horrible! When I came back out to the car, Clayton was beating on the steering wheel like it was a drum. I slam the door getting in. I know he’s looking at me, I can feel his eyes as he turns down the music.
“Just take me home and erase everything that was said in there from my memory.”
He turns off the music completely. “Honey.” He turns to me. “What’s going on? You look like you wanna puke.”
“They’re going to get off squeaky clean. They’re working on getting the video thrown out.”
“No, no fucking way. The second it hit the internet; it became fair game. How could they even think-”
“We’ve had this discussion. I’m a girl from the wrong side of the tracks.”
“Then it’s a good thing, Vic, and me aren’t. Honey, we’ll fix this. I don’t know how yet, but we will, they still have Giselle. She recorded it all, saw it all. Heard it all. She is your tape, even if they throw it out. If she doesn’t testify, she does the max for me.”.
I laugh. “Right. You keep thinkin’ that way. They’ve paid them all off. Don’t you understand that? Nobody cares what happens in this stupid hick town. I’m not the first, and I’m not going to be the last.”
“I can’t just let that be that. We were raped. You were brutalized, not just once either. This can’t be swept under the rug. Abigail, you have the right to push this. Take your tape to a higher authority. Take it to a State Rep, councilmen, somebody that will lobby for you. Your rights are being dashed aside.” He starts the Mazda, headed for the highway.
“Don’t hold your breath.” I lay my head against the window pulling out my pad. I jot down a few new notes.
“I don’ t know how you do it. You fight us on everything, from eating a fucking hot pocket to what kind of milk to keep in the fridge. But when it comes to you. Really. You just give. I never thought I’d see the day you’d just up and give up.” He says it, but it’s not really to me, more like at the air around me. A mumble to the universe.
It's getting close to dinner by the time we make it back to the hotel. Clayton drove slower than he usually does. Guess he figured I needed the time. He’s sent a few texts, I’m guessing to Vic, though he hasn’t said anything to me, much.
“Vic made reservations. Do you want to just cancel? He sounds rather proud about it, though. I told him it was a rough day. He said there's champagne in the room waiting. “
“No, we just need to clean up, and we’ll have dinner. Don’t want to spoil his surprise.” I say, getting out of the car.
“Okay. I’m gonna just be a moment, he’s down here already, gonna let him know. Okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m going on up to the room. I’ll take my shower first, so take your time.”
“I won't be long; take your time, and I’ll be in to wash your back.” He winks, “I love you, beautiful.”
I get into the room. There’s champagne on ice. Vic even went as far as buying me a new dress. It’s still got the tags on it. I’m not the dress type, not really. I sit down on the bed and pull out my pad once again after pouring myself a drink. I need this. I down the first one and pour a second before dumping the contents of my purse. I’m done caring at this point.
I take the lid off the pills and dump some into my hand while looking at the song I wrote. I had no idea what this song was going to be until now. It’s about death. About finally being rid of all the shit in my head. Pills in my mouth, I finish off the second drink and pour a third....
Whispers & Screams
By Abigail Greenwood
I’m told that I’m crazy, and that I’m downright insane
Listening to all these whispers, calling out my name
I know I need to quit listening, yet I can’t afford it
Because I hear whispers...
I hear whispers, calling out my name
I hear screaming, just more of the same
Just more of these rumors breaking my good name
Hearing forked tongues speak, just to make me weak
Like, she’s just like her momma, a tramp that’s gonna sleep around
Or, she’ll never make it out of this God-forsaken town
She’ll never amount to nothing, it’s their broken game.
I hear screaming
I hear whispers, calling out my name
I hear screaming, just more of the same
Just more of these rumors breaking my good name
I can’t help but lose my way
Turned by the whispers in the hallway
Cut by the screaming at home
All calling out my name
I know I need to quit listening, yet I can’t afford it
Because I hear whispers...
You’ll never amount to nothing
You’ll always be like me
Just a little whore and always will be
Cracked out on drugs, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree
I can’t break free!
I hear whispers, calling out my name
I hear screaming, just more of the same
Just more of these rumors breaking my name
I’ve always tried to ignore it, said it was just claim
But I can’t take any more of these whispers of my name
They’ve made me who I am
One day I’ll get lost down some old back road
With the whispers in the hallway
Or the screaming from my home
Then I’ll no longer hear whispers, calling out my name
I hear whispers, calling out my name
I hear screaming, just more of the same
Just more of these rumors breaking my name...
