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Abigail
Today went about as bad as I expected it to. It sucked, well mostly. I got to see Fred and tinker with one of the cars he was working on. I found something he missed, but I’m good for that. Sometimes that’s what we need, something we love more than anything in the world. I might be exaggerating just a little. I have four things that battle for the top spot in my life. The boys, Chaos, and cars.
It’s quiet like it is most nights and I hate it. I’ve been looking at my guitar for the last twenty minutes, trying to decide if I can be quiet enough to not wake anyone. I can’t take it anymore; I grab it and start strumming to John Berry’s You and Only You. I kick in with the lyrics. My fingers don’t think anything of it when they go from one song to another. Weak and Powerless by A Perfect Circle, Drunk Enough by Angels Fall, Loser by Beck, before landing on I Can’t Sleep by Clay Walker when I finally stop and take a beat, I find that there’s a tall shadow cast down over me.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I set the guitar beside me.
Clayton shrugs. “Like you sang, I can’t sleep.” He sings at me softly.
“Not much of that going around it would seem.” Vic’s voice breaks in before I can speak.
“Did I wake your parents too?” I ask, getting worried.
“No, they take their Ambien before. They’re out till morning.”
Clayton looks at Vic and then at me. Giving the lumpy mattress a bounce. “So you got things stashed in here by any chance? Our girl says there are lumps in the mattress. I think we may need to pound them out.”
“It’s an old bed. There could be dirty mags under there, though, maybe even some lotion.” Vic laughs.
“Seriously? You’re a pig.” I shake my head. “The bed is barely big enough for me. I don’t know how either or both of you are going to fit in it with me.”
“We turn it, Honey. We made a couch work; we can handle a twin.” Clayton says, kissing me as he moves the guitar out of the way. “Vic, lock your door.”
“Clay, we can’t. We don’t have protection.” Vic says, but I wrap my arms around Clayton’s neck and go for it. I just want them to want me.
Clayton pulls back, “There’s plenty we can do without fucking.” He pants. “We can make it about our girl, not our cocks for a change.” He licks my neck, inching off my shirt.
“She’s not going to want to stop at this, please. We can skip school tomorrow and take her home. Do this right. I’m thinking of her here.”
“Vic quit thinking about me and think about how good it would feel to have my mouth wrapped around your cock.”
“Vic.” Clayton sighs, stopping kissing me, “I am thinking about her. Haven’t you realized it? She doesn't feel safe in that house? She wants that bed because it's us, but she’d just as soon burn the rest to the fucking ground as step back into that house.” He looks at me, pushing my long overdue to be colored faded blue streak behind my ear. “I figured it out in Cincinnati when you slept so sound with us. Even in the hospital, it was good compared to at home. If this is gonna be home for a while, we’re gonna have to make concessions, and get creative.”
“I’m sorry, you don’t have to give up your home, really. I can make it work till you go off to college, and then I’ll get a place for myself.” I say, pulling away from Clayton. “Everyone shouldn’t have to change their life for me.”
“I wasn't going to say anything. But I got an email tonight. I’ve been accepted to USC in LA. They’ve offered me a full ride, to play ball for them.” Clayton straightens up. “I also got into OSU, a similar deal, but I want California, and I want the two of you.”
"Then you should go to California. Vic, where are you going?" I ask because I did even apply for college.
"I don't know, been waiting on my acceptance. What are we going to do if we all end up somewhere different?" Vic sits on the bed beside me and looks at Clayton. I wrap my arms around my knees.
“Vic, you’re telling me you didn’t apply to any schools in Cali? You mentioned USC and UCLA. I know I have no right to ask, but would you choose to stay together? I’ve put the house on the market. We’ll be able to get a place that's ours. The three of us, in a place where what we are, how we are is normal. Where we won’t be judged like heathens and perverts.” He pulls me into him and grabs Vic. “I want an adventure with you.”
“I would take a year off and just work if that keeps us together. Baby girl, where did you apply?”
“I-uh-I didn’t. My grades aren’t good enough to get in.” I bury my head in Clayton’s chest because I don’t want to see the look that passes between them.
I feel Clayton's hold tighten, and I feel him move like he's chuckling. “That’s another beauty of California, free tuition up to an Associate’s Degree for first-time students, to their residents. Honey, money won’t matter out there.”
"I'm not good at school, Clayton."
“We’ll figure it out. So long as we’re together, that’s all that matters to me. We’ve worked too fucking hard to become an us.”
"I want to really be us again." I grab Clayton's shirt in one hand, and Vic's in the other. "I need you both. Please?" I damn near beg, and it’s beyond unlike me. I push their heads together before pulling my bra off.
"Baby girl, we have no protection. You're not on your birth control. What happens if you get pregnant?"
"Maybe I can't get pregnant. He tried and failed."
"I hate telling you no, but I can't. I'm going back down to the couch. I hope you two do the right thing." Vic says, walking out of the room, leaving Clayton and I sitting.
Clayton’s head falls against my chest with a thud. “I don’t know what to do... No matter what I do, I hurt one of you.”
"No, it's okay. Go on back to your room. No sense in getting a fight started." I hug him and work on controlling my emotions before he looks at me.
“How about this, I just stay here with you in this lumpy old bed, at least until you fall asleep? I miss my little spoon.”
"Neither of us has that kind of will power, and you know it. If you stay here, I'm going to take what I want because I know you'll let me."
He blows out a puff of air, “That would be how it goes. Tomorrow you get our bed, and these sleeping arrangements are getting fixed. I’m not going another night without you in my arms.” He stands up. “I’m not kissing you again because if I do, I won’t stop. So I’ll just say, I’ll see you in the morning.”
"Good night, Clayton. I love you."
