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Abigail
Move again and then again, this summer? Clayton wants to move on top of court starting. My stress level is already all over the place. We're just getting to the hotel. The room is small, and the bathroom that much smaller. We have to take turns getting in there to change out of our clothes and shower. I went first to give the guys time to talk.
I’m towel drying my hair when I come out, finding them both sitting on the couch. “You two don’t whisper well,” I say, sitting on the bed.
“I- I just don’t get it. I thought you would be happy. You said you wanted to see about somewhere else. I mean we can bring Chaos, and our bed. She said she’s got storage space for anything we don’t need, or we want to bring.” Clayton says. “I just- I feel like I’m getting it all wrong just for wanting to make you happy.”
“I’m scared, okay?” I snap as hot tears fall.
“You’ve got us, and everyone else. I mean, the only thing that will change is where you’ll be. If you don’t want that, fine. Just tell me. If you don't want to come to California, either tell me. I don’t want you doing anything out of some obligation or guilt trip.” Clayton gets up, shaking his head. “Have I made some terrible mistake here? Am I wrong for wanting to keep us together?” He wipes at his cheeks. “Ugh, I hate what’s happened to you. I hate that we’re stuck here and aren’t getting past it. Let’s face it. I can’t love enough for everyone. I can’t do it all alone. No matter what I try, it’s just not good enough. Or it’s too much. No matter what I do, I just can’t get through to you.”
I cover my ears. “Stop it! Stop it right now! Today was for Vic! Not for me or for you. Just stop!” I’m shaking, and my stomach is starting to turn.
“Clayton, go take your shower and calm down.” Vic is up and rubbing his back.
Clayton shakes him off. His touch setting him off further. “Here.” He slams the keys on the table. “I’ve had enough.” He grabs his bag and makes steps for the door.
“You’re leaving?” Vic asks. “What the hell? You of all people shouldn’t be getting upset. When I act like you are in this moment, you punch me in the face and keep trying to make her feel better.” Vic shouts.
I’m up, barely making it to the toilet before I lose what little bit I was able to eat today. I can hear a little more talking, and then the door slams making my teeth rattle. A moment later and there's Vic’s shoes in my line of sight.
“Baby girl? You alright?” He asks stupidly. Stupid boys.
I wave my hand at him. “I’ll be fine.”
“You don’t look fine.” I hear the sink running, and suddenly, there’s cold water running off a rag and down my shirt.
"It's just stress and still coming off everything."
He sits on the floor, his hand on my back. “I’m good at this.”
I lay my head in his lap. "He left, and it's my fault. I'm sorry."
“Don’t be sorry. He’s been holding on to that for a while, I think. When it comes to you Mister Perfect, always goes to a level head. I guess it’s gotta be rough for him to feel that way.” Vic rubs my side. “Nobody told him he had to be the only one to carry you. He never shares how he feels with me. That’s for damn sure.” He chuckles. “Some birthday, huh?”
"Did you at least have a little fun?" I ask, looking up at him.
“It was fun. While it lasted. I’m just sorry that it didn’t end how it began.”
"With a cock in your mouth?" I try to smile.
“No, as I recall this morning, it was my cock in your mouth.” Vic gives a little pelvic thrust. “We ought to go find him and force him to make us come simultaneously until we feel like we can forgive him. That would show him.”
"He didn't do anything wrong. He was just showing his feelings. We can't fault him for that." I stand pulling my toothbrush from my bag.
“Yeah? Well, he’s being an asshat if ya ask me.”
"You know who he reminds me of?"
“Don’t even say me, I’ll be forced to shut that pretty little mouth.” Vic snickers.
"Oh, he is, though, and you know it," I say with a mouthful of toothpaste.
Vic gets up and is behind me. “We have to go after him.” His hands wrap me and rest on my stomach. “He’s stubborn enough to try and walk back to Kentucky.”
"Can I finish brushing my teeth, at least?"
He kisses my shoulder. “I suppose.”
I finish with my teeth then get dressed because all I was in was one of Clayton's shirts. We have been searching for hours when Vic suggests the bus station. I spot Clayton quickly. He’s curled up on a bench, trying to sleep. His eyes are closed, so I squat down in front of him.
“Hey.” I run my fingers through his hair.
He startles, and pops up, ready to throw a punch. Vic quickly grabs his wrist. “What?” Clayton’s hoarse and still angry.
“Listen here, buddy. You don’t get to shout at me.” I shove him getting up.
He sits up, clinging to his stuff like it’s gonna save him from me. He wipes his face, it’s obvious he cried himself to sleep. He doesn’t say anything. He just stares at his shoes.
“Come on, Mister Perfect, let’s go get some sleep at the hotel,” Vic says to Clayton.
“I’m fine. You two go, have fun. I’m just a fucking drag anyhow. You all were fine until I showed up. I try to be this- whatever you call me, but the truth is I’m terrified too. You guys are all I have left, and every day, it’s like I lose a little more of you.” He sniffs, wiping his face. “We should just make a clean break. You all go back to Kentucky. I’ll go back to Columbus. It’s better than losing you in increments.”
“So, I’m unsure about moving because I’m afraid of what I might try, you’re ready to throw in the towel?” I go toward Clayton, and Vic holds me back. “You’re being as stupid as Vic!”
“I take issue with that.” Vic struggles with me. “But you need to suck it up, Clay. We aren’t going anywhere without you.”
Clayton huffs. “Come on, Vic. Given the chance to have her to yourself, you're saying you wouldn’t take it?” His arms cross his chest. “I don’t buy it.”
Bam!
Vic punches Clayton so hard he spits blood. “You don’t get to decide how I or she feels. You don’t get to walk away. You hear me, you selfish prick? You come along, push your way in, and now that it’s a little rough, you think you can just walk away?” Vic’s in tears. “I won’t let you.”
"I'm sorry I freaked out! Fuck, I'm sorry I'm scared, but you don't understand how bad I crave the pills or how much it sucks not being able to keep food down." I say, wrapping my arms around myself.
“Don’t you care that she’s crying? That I’m a fucking mess? We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t love you, you idiot.” Vic grabs me and pulls me toward him and then shoves me at Clayton. “Look at her,” Vic demands smacking Clayton upside the head. “Look. At. Her!”
Clayton looks up into my red-rimmed eyes and lets out a sob, falling against me. “I’m sorry.” He blubbers, grabbing on to me tightly.
I run my hands through his hair again. “Can we go back to the hotel, now?" His head nods, but he otherwise doesn’t move or let me go. "Then, you've got to let me go, and you have to get up."
His hands slip from around me, and with a little nudge from Vic, he gets up. Looking at Vic, he smiles softly. “You been just waiting for an excuse to punch me, haven’t ya?”
“Me? Never.” Vic smirks kissing Clayton’s face where he’d punched him. It was already beginning to swell.
"Bout time someone other than me punched you in that pretty face."
