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Clayton
“Happy Birthday, Baby.” My mom’s voice breaks through the quiet of the parking lot. I hadn’t expected her to call. Truth be told, I had hoped she was unable to. I just don’t feel much like celebrating my birthday. I feel something like an orphan. Dead dad, mom in jail, no siblings, and the extension of family never gave a shit. What’s there to really celebrate? Yay, I’m a year closer to death? Whoo, fucking hoo! I’ve no significant accomplishments this year. I’m still alive, that’s about it. I learned to balance a checkbook, maybe that’s enough. I mean in a blink I’ll be twenty-one then thirty-five, that baby will be a teen and what will I have to show him or her? I great throwing arm? The only good thing I have is Abigail and Vic. I don’t think they realize just how they’ve saved me. I was ready to throw in the towel before I saw her in the courtyard that day. Hell Vic and mine’s little pissing contest to see who she wanted was the thrill that gave me what little I had to keep going. Before them, I had the suicide hotline on speed dial.
“Huh- yeah, mom. She’s great. Much better. I’m meeting her now.”
“Hope you have fun, you deserve it.”
“Yeah? Okay, mom. I- I gotta go. I love you.”
“I love you too, baby boy.”
The lump in my throat is too tight. I hang up, and Vic is just a few feet from me. I must have my thoughts on my face because he hugs me. Pulling me into him.
“I got you. Come on. Let’s go feed the little beastie.”
I nod into his shoulder and hug him just a moment longer. Sometimes we just need that moment’s touch. Walking up to Mac’s, I can’t help but notice it’s way too quiet. It’s then that I start to recognize all the cars in the lot and stop, squeezing Vic’s hand.
“What?” He asks innocently.
“Don’t what me. What am I about to walk into?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Baby girl, is in there. I know she said she was singing tonight. Had a new song.”
“So, your parents being here?” I point to their Tucson. “Is what a happy accident? When did she tell you it was my birthday?” I sigh heavily.
“It’s your birthday? Happy birthday. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shake my head. “If lying were an Olympic sport, you wouldn’t even place.” With a huff, I grab the food from him. “A ploy, I suppose?” Grabbing Vic’s hand, I drag him to the door, and we go inside.
No sooner does the door swing than I’m bombarded by the proverbial Happy Birthday Clayton! I, of course, smile and act happy and surprised as I look around seeing everyone we care about. The Davenports, the Townsends, Adam, and his mom Missus Jacobs. Fred, Mollie, Mac, and, of course, our Abigail. She’s got on these white cutoffs with a pale blue top knotted in front. It’s got stringy details that show off her boobs while tryin’ to act modestly, she’s covered it with one of my flannels. Her hair is down in tumble waves, and she just looks too kissable for words. The place has a big banner that says Happy Birthday! It’s in her handwriting, so I have to give her props, but before I can hug her, she’s pushed by Wayde and Adam and gone straight for the bag. Her hand inside, she pulls out a rib and crunches down on it.
“And here I thought you loved me for my looks, guess it’s for my ribs?” I smile as she moans around the barbeque sauced bone.
“I do love you for your looks, but I’m starving.”
“Don’t let her lie. She’s had a bowl of nachos, chicken fingers with gravy and chili fries all in the last three hours!” Adam shakes his head. “I had to pull her away from the buffet before she set on that!”
Abigail sticks her tongue out at him. “Listen, my belly is growling.” She’s batting her lashes at me.
“Then let’s get this party started.” I smile. I may not want it, but what Honey wants, Honey gets. And what she wants is me having a happy birthday.
We eat and when nobody was looking Mac slips me some Jack Daniels. Said it was a birthday tradition in his bar that I had to drink at least one actual shot. I did three. Feeling good, I let Vic talk me into doing a Montel Jordan and Keith Sweat set. We do Nobody, No Diggity, This is how we do it and Twisted. He takes the high parts, and we get a good laugh. Fred takes the helm and pulls a little AC/DC ala Highway to Hell and, of course, Carry on Wayward Son, by Kansas. Now it’s up to our girl.
She takes the stage and has lost the flannel. She looks so pretty if not super vulnerable. With her guitar in hand and the new house band behind her, she bites her lip, watching us.
“Hey, how is everyone tonight? I’m going to start us out with a little Mariah Carey, Always Be My Baby.”
A peppy number, alright.
She goes straight into Sleep Without You by Brett Young. Don’t Rush by Kelly Clarkson and Vince Gill had everyone on their feet. If I Could Make a Living by Clay Walker has Vic and me laughing. But this latest one, damn near rips out my soul. She performs Let It Be in the inspiration of Katie Stevens from American Idol.
“I know I’ve taken up a lot of time, but I have one I wrote, I’d like to play for y’all. I finished it this morning, so bear with me.” She strums a few bars and swallows hard.
What I Deserve
By Abigail Greenwood
I should have held on to my innocence
I should have never let them lie
Nobody really understands
They’re the reason I’m broken and bruised
Why I’ll never make amends.
I guess I got what I deserved
I can’t let go of anything
Especially when the pain gets really bad
Guess I should have been more
I’m not as strong as I should be
They make me believe I’m nothing
You deserve better than me
He’s better to you than I can be
Please help me find my pride
I guess I got what I deserved
I can’t let go of anything
Especially when the pain gets really bad
Guess I should have been more
I’m not as strong as I should be
They make me believe I’m nothing
You can make me smile when nobody can
You love me and I hurt you
You should have never let me lie
I’ve bruised so much more than pride.
I guess I got what I deserved
I can’t let go of anything
Especially when the pain gets really bad
Guess I should have been more
I’m not as strong as I should be
They make me believe I’m nothing
I wish I could take it all back
I wish I stopped before it was too late
But I've walked alone
I've never known love until you
I've used and abused you
You let me get by
I guess I got what I deserve
What you deserve is better than this
He’s more than I could ever be.
But in your eyes, there’s a glimmer
of something, of what could be.
Your love for me.
I guess I got what I deserved
I can’t let go of anything
Especially when the pain gets really bad
Guess I could be more
With you, I’m stronger than I should be
You make me believe I am something
Guess I got what I deserve.
A tear rolls down my cheek as I walk over to the stage, and she meets me like the first time. I pull her to me. I kiss her like our lives depend on it, because maybe just for tonight they do.
