Jax looked at me intently. “I meant what I said before. If this whole testing thing is too much for you, I’ll find a way to get you out. You’ve helped the Council long enough.”
I stared across the room. “Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay. If you really think about it, they’ve given me a lot in return.”
“They’re using you, Sadie. All they care about is what’s in it for them.”
I laughed without humor. “You don’t think I know this?”
I paused and thought about it a moment. “Well, I still think when it comes to the big picture most of them have good intentions, you know, for helping the people of Ambrosia.”
One side of Jax’s mouth lifted. “There you go again… always looking for the good in people.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I rolled my eyes. “There you go again… making me into some kind of saint. I mean, when you really think about it, I’m using them too. I need a way to get across the border so I can work on strengthening my abilities, and going to the testing center happens to be the easiest way to do that.”
“Well, when you put it that way,” he said. “I guess we all have our devious side.” He nudged me playfully.
I suddenly realized I was smiling again.
Jax really had become an amazing friend. There was so much more to him than anyone in Banya gave him credit for. But as great as Jax had been at helping me get my feelings out, I still felt like I needed to get my head in the right place before heading to the testing center this afternoon.
I pushed down on the mat, lifting myself off the floor. “Hey,” I said, “I think I’m going to head outside for that run now.”
“You’re sure you’re okay?” he asked.
I smiled warmly. “I’m feeling much better. Thanks for listening.”
“Well, you know where to find me if you need anything.”
I nodded. “Have a good weekend, Jax. I promise I’ll be a better trainee next week.”
By the time my tennis shoes hit the ground outside I was deep in thought and full of determination. I wasn’t going to let one bad healing session erase all the progress I had made. I was going to learn from it and move forward.
I inhaled a deep breath and turned down the path that wound around the side of Jax’s property, heading toward campus. I didn’t do much jogging back in California, at least, not as much as Heather did. She used to tell me it was the only way she could release all the pent up issues and frustration that bombarded her on a daily basis. I didn’t really get it back then, but now, I understood that feeling way more than I ever thought possible.
Finally, my head started to clear as I crossed the campus grounds. I decided to make up my mind now so I would never have to again. If it was in my power to save someone’s life… I was going to save them. End of story.
I didn’t care if they were bad or if they had done something wrong. I wasn’t anyone’s judge and I didn’t want to be. The ability to heal people was an amazing gift, one I was sure I didn’t deserve. And I knew it had been given to me for a reason. I had to use it to help people.
A huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Once I had that much figured out, everything else felt right again.
I reached my apartment just in time to see Violette walking out the door. She wore a deep green blouse which made her purple eyes shine brightly in contrast. Her eyes reminded me of Jax. So far, he and Violette were the only people I had met in Banya who were born with violet eyes. I had seen every different shade of glowing brown, gold, green, gray, and blue, but purple was definitely rare. Of course, they were all beautiful here. Even the dullest colors on Ambrosia were luminescent with Healing Water.
I greeted Violette as I came up the path. “Hey, roomie. Where are you off to looking so gorgeous?”
Her brow lifted cheerfully. “Oh, just going to buy my books. Classes start a week from Monday.”
Actually, classes started for Violette a week from Monday, not for me. She wanted to get a nice head start by going to summer term, but thanks to the Council, I would have to wait until fall.
“Are you and my brother planning to drive out to Lizzy Grove again this weekend?” she asked.
“I don’t think so. We’ve already been out there a few times this month, and Rayne went again this morning to help Lark load the truck for the farmer’s market, so Flint could spend time with Ivy and the baby.” I squinted. “Didn’t he tell you?”
Violette rolled her eyes. “Haven’t you figured it out by now? My brother doesn’t tell me anything. Which is fine by me; I have my own plans to think about.” She grinned devilishly. “Speaking of plans… I met some guys that are throwing a big party tonight… You interested?”
“Oh, uh…” Her invitation caught me off guard. I had never been to a party in Banya, but I was pretty curious what they did for fun around here. There were still so many things about Ambrosia I hadn’t been given the chance to see.
I finally answered, “Sure, sounds fun.”
“Great,” Violette said. “I’ll see you tonight.” She started down the walkway then turned. “Oh, and if you really want to bring my superstar brother with you, go ahead, but just so you know, the party’s off campus. That means no promises on the media not showing up to snoop around.”
A lump caught in my throat but I pushed it down. “Um, okay,” I said. “Thanks for the heads up.”
After Violette left I went inside to shower and eat lunch. Normally, Rayne would come over to eat with me, but he was busy selling lizzy fruit with his brother in Banya City Park. It was just me and my thoughts today.
As I sat at the table eating a sandwich I couldn’t stop thinking about my healing session from the day before. Talking to Jax helped me come to terms with the man’s death, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I wasn’t using the sessions to my full advantage. It had only been a couple of weeks since I started noticing my ability to see deeper into a person’s being, and up to this point, I wasn’t completely sure it was real. The feelings would come when they would come, but I wasn’t in control.
Now, there was no question in my mind that it was real, not after the intense, corrupt energy I had sensed in that man the day before. I knew I couldn’t let my abilities overpower me that way again. I had to work harder to understand them.
***
When they hooked me up to the testing monitors later that afternoon, I was prepared to concentrate ten times harder.
This time they positioned me right next to the patient’s bed, making me wonder if they were trying to make this session easier on me after such a taxing experience the day before. I smiled to myself. It would be much easier to connect to the person’s energy in close proximity, and much easier to explore the extent of my abilities.
It was a man again, perhaps in his mid-twenties. At least, that was his physical appearance. The doctors never told me if the person was from Earth or Ambrosia. Actually, they never told me anything about them at all. If this man was from Ambrosia that could mean he had lived fifty or sixty years by now.
As usual, the patient was unconscious. I waited impatiently for the doctors to hook him up to the wires, feeling a strange sense of anticipation.
As soon as the doctors gave me the okay, I closed my eyes and focused.
The energy sprang forth from my chest and limbs in a sudden burst, like a solar flare. Exerting all my strength, I reached out with the brilliant tethers of light, the light only I could see, and connected myself to the man’s being, bonding us together.
Instead of searching for his injury as I had with the other patients in the past, I concentrated deeper, feeling his heart, exploring his mind.
A bombardment of sensations moved through me all at once, fleeting and unclear. Flashes of images reeled through my thoughts. I couldn’t make sense of them—a face, a sound, a flicker of color. Waves of emotion pulsed through me at the same time, flinging thoughts and feelings around me in circles like a whirlwind.
I had to take control. I reached out my hand to push out the noise, straining with all my might to focus my mind.
Then I felt it; a new connection, a clear connection. It was like the man’s thoughts had now become mine.
He felt like a failure somehow. I could feel it. He had been given an important responsibility but something went wrong.
I followed the feelings deeper, embracing it as a part of me.
I sensed something familiar… Healing Water. Not within his body though. It was more like it was in his thoughts, like he was thinking about Healing Water.
Then, a picture flashed across his mind, an image of some kind. I saw two solid rings of color sitting next to each other side by side, one purple ring and one blue ring. Their round edges would have been touching if it weren’t for the thick black line drawn down the center between them, keeping them separated.
The image was gone in a blink, but something inside me made me think it was important. I felt compelled to find it again. My hands trembled as I tried to search for it. My mind peeled through a tangle of strings, like energy and pulses of memories intertwined, sifting through a clutter of blurred thoughts one by one, flipping through at a hundred miles an hour.
Something grabbed at my heart, causing me to stop. My entire being clenched in alarm. It was a feeling of darkness, darkness so wickedly familiar my instinct was to turn away and run. It was Voss. Again. I sensed his presence in the man’s mind.
A vision appeared before me. A tangle of silver-black hair covered Voss’s head and face, matted by sweat and mud, making him look more wild than I had ever seen him before. But the filth and grime could not conceal those raging black eyes.
It was Voss. There was no question in my mind. I felt him like he was right next to me in the room, back to torment me just one more time.
Panic ripped through me. I yanked my mind back, yanked at the ties, but I couldn’t escape.
I could see another man across from me, an agent I didn’t recognize. With an angry growl, Voss attacked the agent with a knife, slashing through his neck with one sharp swipe of the blade.
Before I could so much as blink, Voss whirled on me. The bloody knife flew from his hand like a bullet through the air, headed straight for my face.
I had to stay in control. It’s not real, I told myself. It’s just in your mind.
In an instant, the knife pierced through my neck with a stabbing memory of pain.
The severed breath wheezed from my mouth, cut off from air. I could feel every ounce of the pain. My body froze in shock. I watched my hand grasp for the hilt of the knife as if my hand had a mind of its own, as if I had no control over its movement at all. My hand trembled as it drew the blade painfully away from the flesh of my neck without any volition of my own.
My eyes flew open. My body shook as I panted and gasped for air. I was out. Just like that, the bond had been broken.
The unconscious man lay on the bed before me unmoving. My fingers flew to my chest and up my neck, searching across the skin, scared to find blood, but of course there was nothing. The image of Voss wasn’t real. The knife that had impaled my throat wasn’t real. I swallowed carefully and took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
I expected my eyes to blur and go dark. I expected to lose my strength and pass out like I always did. But instead, my energy returned.
Agent Kelsey rushed toward me.
“No,” I told him, “I’m okay.”
He stopped, but his eyes examined me closely.
I turned my head up to the observation deck. “I’m okay,” I called loudly. “Don’t pull me off. I want to go again.”
***
I woke up in the testing center hospital bed less than an hour later, remembering that I had passed out as usual but only after going back in and healing the man’s physical injuries without a problem.
I lay in the bed a moment, remembering how confused I was when I realized the man had, in fact, been suffering from a stab wound. The wound was located in the man’s gut rather than his neck, but it still made me wonder if there was some connection to the vision I had of Voss flinging a bloody knife at my throat while I was searching through the man’s thoughts. Or were they memories? Or were they a mixture of his thoughts and memories colliding with a mixture of my own?
And why did images of Voss keep leaching into my mind every time I tried to explore this unknown side of my abilities? Was it some kind of manifestation of my own fears, or were these men actually connected to Voss somehow?
Everything still felt so unclear.
I was hoping when I saw that I was able to pull out of the man’s head without losing my strength that it meant I had become strong enough to avoid the whole passing-out thing all together, but once I went back in and pulled out the tainted physical energy from inside him to heal his body, I passed out anyway.
I would have to test the theory again to be sure, but I came to the conclusion that using this ability to perceive someone’s thoughts and feelings required less of my resources than physical healing. It still took a great deal of energy and focus, but when I healed someone’s physical ailments, I could actually feel the sickness enter my body and spread through me. It was like my body had to shut itself down in order to heal myself of these foreign ailments. Strangely though, when an injury occurred directly to my body instead of someone else, I always healed much faster, sometimes immediately.
I still didn’t understand why it was this way, and I wasn’t sure I ever would. But I had to keep trying. The most important thing at the moment was to gather as much information as possible, anything that would help me further understand my abilities.
I sat up in the bed. “Agent Kelsey?” I said, trying to get his attention. He was the only person in the room.
When he saw that I was awake he nodded and moved wordlessly to the phone that hung on the wall by the door. Before he could even push the button that connected to the observation room down the hall, Orion appeared at the doorway.
Agent Kelsey hung up the receiver and moved out of the way.
“I see you recovered quickly today,” Orion said cheerfully.
“I did?” I asked.
“Well, about twice as fast as yesterday, so I’d say that was pretty quick.” Orion smiled and sat in the chair beside the bed. “How are you feeling? Anything out of the ordinary?”
I had a feeling he wanted me to expound on the first part of the session, why it had taken me longer to heal the man even though I was positioned so close to him.
Instead, I shrugged my shoulders awkwardly. “Um… I don’t know. Not really.” I paused and glanced up at him. “He’s okay though, right? I healed him?”
Orion looked at me in that ultra-pleasant way he always did, as if he were doing everything in his power to make me feel as safe and coddled as possible. “Yes, you healed him,” Orion said. “He’s as good as new.”
I let out a happy breath. I was almost positive I had healed the man, but now that one patient had died, it was hard to feel sure. It was also hard to feel sure about the things I had felt within the man’s mind. Everything was still so new to me.
I looked at Orion hesitantly. “I know this isn’t really normal protocol, but is there any chance you could tell me something about the patient from today? Do you know how he got hurt or anything like that?”
Orion didn’t even blink. “Of course I know,” he said, “but as you’re well aware, this is privileged information.” He paused and studied my expression. “Tell me, Sadie, why the sudden interest? Does it have anything to do with the… incident yesterday?” Orion paused at the word incident as if he were trying to avoid even mentioning the agent’s death. Orion looked at me with encouraging eyes. “Perhaps we should have you talk to someone about it.”
I was pretty sure he meant a counselor of some kind, probably some shrink that was in the Council’s pocket and ready to spill my innermost secrets to them at a moment’s notice.
“No!” I blurted. “I don’t want to talk to anyone!”
Orion’s brow creased with concern, and I realized my mistake. If I got overly upset, it would only give him more reason to push the matter.
“I mean…” I tried to sound as casual as possible. “I mean… it was a little traumatic at first, but I’m better now.”
Orion eyed me carefully. “Are you certain?”
I bowed my head, still feeling a pang of sorrow at the man’s death.
“I’m fine,” I said.
Orion crossed one leg over the other and folded his hands on his knee. “Sadie, if you’re feeling up to it, there’s something I’d like to discuss.”
I nodded, allowing him to continue.
“The thing is,” Orion began, “your readings have been showing some unusual brain activity recently, especially in the last two days. Can you tell me if you’ve been noticing anything in particular that might be different? Perhaps about the test subjects themselves, or the conditions in the room?”
I paused to take a breath. I didn’t feel ready to tell them what I was really up to. Then, an answer seemed to come to me from out of nowhere.
“Ambrosia,” I said. “Those men from the last two days were from Ambrosia, right? And the other people were from Earth?”
A gleam appeared in Orion’s eyes. “That’s true…” he marveled. “How did you know? Could you sense their Water Systems?”
I really wasn’t sure how I knew; I just did.
“I think so,” I said.
Orion leaned forward. “Would you say that this affected the healing process in some way? Was it more difficult for you?”
I didn’t answer. I suddenly realized that Orion was always getting his questions answered while I just did whatever he wanted. This time, I wanted some answers of my own.
“Both those men were agents, weren’t they,” I said.
Orion’s mouth twisted a little. “Yes, that’s true. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the people who cross the Threshold border are agents after all.”
“But I thought they were all sent out with Healing Water,” I said. “Why didn’t they just heal themselves?”
Orion looked amused, as if he found my question naive. “The job of an agent can be dangerous, Sadie. Sometimes things go wrong.”
“Why did you bring them to me then, especially when their injuries were so severe?” My jaw clenched at the thought. I couldn’t hold back the strain in my voice. “I mean, I understand why we have to be discreet with people from Earth, but these were agents. Why didn’t you take them back across the border immediately? You risked their lives. A man died.”
Orion cleared his throat. “I assure you,” he began, “when we made the decision to bring the agent in, his vital signs were stable. The decision was not made lightly. Because our agents do carry Healing Water with them, as you pointed out, it’s not very often that we have one come back with an injury. We had to take the opportunity to test your abilities on one of our own while we had the chance.”
His explanation didn’t sooth me in the least. “So then… the very next day you just happened to have another agent show up with a life-threatening injury and you decided to risk his life too? For the sake of research?” My hands balled into fists. “And here I was, blaming myself—”
“Sadie…” Orion said sympathetically. “The agent’s death was a terrible loss. We know this. But you have to understand—”
“No, I understand,” I cut in. “I understand that you and the Council saw something that could be of benefit to you and you were willing to do whatever was necessary in order to get it, no matter who it might hurt. I understand completely.”
Instead of getting angry or defensive, Orion went quiet. He stared at the floor until he was ready to speak.
His tone was calm but regretful. “Being the person in charge,” he said, “means making difficult choices. It’s one of the duties required of a good leader. Sometimes you have to risk the few, in order to save the many. It’s one of those sad realities that nobody wants to face, but it has to be done. So, we do it for them. That doesn’t mean we don’t care about the wellbeing of our people. We do it because we care.”
I sat there without a response, trying to decide if I agreed. Maybe if Ambrosia were in the middle of a war and they had to send in an agent as a sacrifice to save everybody else, but this was different. This was simply a chance for them to learn more about my healing abilities. I couldn’t see how it was dire enough to risk an agent’s life.
Even more unsettling was the strange feelings I sensed from Orion’s essence as he spoke. Orion was always so difficult to read. I often got the feeling that he was withholding information or telling me only half of the truth, but I always figured this made sense in the past. I figured he knew things that he could not divulge to me, or to anyone for that matter, especially those without security clearance. But today, it felt like more than that.
This time, my impressions left me extremely uneasy. I sensed a great deal of devotion in Orion’s being, although I wasn’t exactly sure what it was he was devoted to. I wanted to believe it was devotion to the people of Ambrosia, or even to the Council… but something whispered to my mind that it was something else entirely.