He reared back, staring at me like I’d punched him in the gut. Which I guess I had, in a way. I’d threatened to kill him—not that I actually would. “Chels—”
“You have no idea how angry I am right now. I killed Richard, is that what you want to hear? I pulled the trigger, and he stopped breathing in front of me. And you know what? I’m not sorry. Things were great at first, but he became an abusive bastard. When I found out he was working with a cartel, compromising cases so their guys would walk, that was the last straw. I was going to leave him quietly, but he came at me and I grabbed the gun, and I—” I broke off, choking back a sob, hating myself for that sign of weakness but unable to take it back. “So you see, bad things happen to people who lie to me.”
He swallowed hard, stepping closer despite my threats. “Chelsea, please, let me—”
“You know what the worst part was? I was going to tell you tonight. Tell you everything. I wanted to be honest because I…” The fire of rage inside me transformed into the cold of heartbreak. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be warm again. “I was going to be honest. And you’ve been lying to me, playing me, all this time.”
He shook his head, taking another step toward me. “Chels, you have to understand, the DEA had you flagged as a person of interest. Richard had been under investigation and they weren’t sure how complicit you were. After the shooting, I got involved to protect you. I convinced my superiors that our preexisting relationship made me the perfect person to send in, but it was always my intention to get you clear of this.”
“Right.” I laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. Not really. I’d obviously been nothing but a damsel in distress to him. Wasn’t he surprised to find himself defending the dragon? “And the part about missing me? Wanting me to be with you?”
“True,” he said quickly. “I did miss you. A lot.”
“Yeah. Sure.” I rubbed my face. My eyes burned and my throat ached, unfamiliar sensations for me. “You’re a DEA agent, Jeremy. I was a ‘person of interest.’ You knew where I was. You could’ve ridden your white horse down to Miami at any time.”
“I did look for you, but you’d covered your tracks too well. By the time I found you…” He shook his head, reaching for me again. I shifted back, not letting him touch me. Those days were over. “Chelsea.”
“Let me guess. You’re up for some sort of promotion, once this is over?” I asked slowly. “If you arrest me or I help you get the bad guy?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, shifting uncomfortably. That gave me my answer.
“You really think I’m doing this because it’ll benefit me? No, I’m doing it for the seventeen-year-old Long Island girl who overdosed on heroin. For the mother of two in Philadelphia who died when her car was T-boned by a driver high on cocaine. For the family who got caught in the crossfire of a drug war in Boston.” His shoulders were hard, and his entire body was tense. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was his enemy now. “We’ve been investigating these guys for years, working with local PDs as they scoop up the small fish, but we’re after the head. The leader of the cartel has a brother who’s a total mess. The only thing he’s good at is taking care of people who become problems. When you took out Richard, you became a problem.”
“You’re hoping that he’s such a disaster that he’ll turn on his brother. So, what, you leaked my general whereabouts and used me as bait for this asshole, never thinking I might just want to keep my head down and live my life? You put my brother in danger? When exactly were you going to arrest the guy? Before or after he tortured me, too?” I rubbed my throbbing temples.
Jeremy reacted like I’d stabbed him, his body jerking slightly. His hand reached out to me. “I told you, I came here to protect you. I would never let anyone hurt you.”
I pointedly ignored his hand, and he let it drop to the back of a floral upholstered loveseat. “Should I presume that my arrest would soon follow Javi’s? Or is the warrant already waiting, just in case I discovered the truth?”
He pressed his lips together. “I’ve been authorized to offer you a deal—”
“What was the plan for the inn?” I asked, cutting him off, my voice hard. Frozen solid. “Was it going to be seized? Or would you let me make you a signatory, keep it as part of your cover, and use it as some secret DEA safe house?”
Jeremy went to answer and then paused for a moment. “Wait a second. How did you know Javi’s name?”
Oh, look, the DEA agent was back.
I turned away, staring at the divots in the wall where Jeremy had plastered the bullet holes. “I’m the daughter of a con man, Jeremy. Dad always said to have either an exit strategy or a will. I couldn’t just break up with Richard; his pride would never allow that. I was preparing to blackmail him in exchange for my freedom. It was easy to gather the proof I needed, once I knew where to look for it, because he never saw me as a viable threat. Sometimes he even took meetings at the house. So, yes, I know Javi, and Gabriel, and David. I know them all. But more importantly, I know where the money goes.”
Jeremy moved around that loveseat fast. He stood in front of me, catching himself before he grabbed my shoulders. “Chels, this is huge. With this proof, we could arrest them all now. You and Paul would be safe.”
I shifted my head slightly so I could continue staring at the wall. “Funnily enough, I wasn’t that concerned with my own safety when I made the deal with Homeland Security. I’ll turn over the evidence for immunity and Witness Protection. I was trying to protect you.”
He instinctively reached for his pocket, as if to go for his phone. “You made a deal with Homeland? I wasn’t informed.”
“So much for interagency cooperation.” I walked over to the front door and finally met his gaze. “Get out.”
The last time I saw that expression on his face, it was after Rocco, his dog, passed away. I refused to be moved. “We can figure something out. Witness Protection doesn’t have to be the end of us.”
“It wasn’t. We ended when you decided to play me instead of telling me the truth and asking for my help. I tried really hard to live in your world, Jeremy, to do what’s right, but in the end, all you saw was a criminal,” I said, my voice cracking on the last word. More weakness. And it was all Jeremy fricking Holland’s fault. “I thought you were one of the good guys. Thanks for proving to me that good guys don’t just finish last—they don’t exist at all.”
I knew my words hit home for Jeremy because he rubbed his chest right over his heart. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Yeah. That’s what they all say.” Opening the door, I met his eyes again, forcing my chin up. “Get. Out.”
Jeremy headed for the door, looking like a lost puppy being sent back out into the rain. He stopped just outside. “This isn’t over. I’m going to go find out the particulars of your deal. I’ll be back tomorrow. I let you run from me once, but that’s not happening again.”
There it was again. That stubborn determination to win me back. It wouldn’t work this time. He’d done me dirty, and I wouldn’t forget it. “I’m not running anywhere, Agent Holland. Like the O’Kane family motto, I’m gonna keep moving forward. Without you.” And then I slammed the door in his face. “Asshole.”
I waited till I heard his car start, till the headlights receded down the driveway, and till I felt his absence down to my soul. Then, and only then, I let myself slide down the door into a sitting position. My eyes burned but they were dry. The one man I thought who wouldn’t break me, who wouldn’t use me, had done exactly that.
Go figure.
I stared out into the living room, at the half-finished promise of what the inn could be. A respite from stress, an oasis of calm, a sanctuary, never fulfilled. I should have known better. Every time I tried to do something good, it went to shit. I was done fighting, done trying to be better. Being something I wasn’t.
I was me.
And nothing would ever change that.