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Mitch might not have had the month-long honeymoon he had wanted, but Liana was right. They had a perfect seven days in Queenstown. They rented a small cottage that was fully stocked with ready-made meals for the duration of their stay. They didn’t have phones or computers. They brought books and music. They slept in and stayed up late. They ignored the clock. Some days, they ventured outside, careful to avoid people but also comfortable in the knowledge that their winter clothing helped keep them relatively anonymous among the crowds. They ate out a couple of times and made a fire every night. They talked; they laughed; they loved.
Liana returned to FANZ refreshed. Even though it was just a few weeks until the start of a major tournament, she was confident that her team was going to get the results they needed. She wondered if being married would change how she’d work. It didn’t. She could concentrate as before. If anything, now that the wedding was over, she had one less thing to think about. The transition was made a little easier by Mitch’s decision to base himself in Auckland for a few months. For the first time in years, he wouldn’t be playing on the National Team. But opportunities were plentiful, and he had the luxury to explore them now that the club rugby season was over.
They returned to live at the Meriton, an obvious decision despite the longer commute to New Harbor. The first day Mitch returned to the condo after their move, he smiled at all the little touches his new wife had added: a throw on the sofa, more art on the wall, and her daisies. He picked up a framed photo that was now sitting on the kitchen counter. It was their first photo together, in front of his giant image in Captains’ Field.
Christchurch was always going to be home, but the Meriton was now a close second.
* * *
The New Zealand men’s football team began their next tournament with a solid win in Noumea. Four days later, when they hosted the Solomon Islands in Auckland, Liana wasn’t surprised to see that fewer than ten thousand people were in attendance. They were making headway in marketing, and the response to their new team products was positive. But to actually get people in the seats, the team needed to start winning convincingly.
After the players took the field, Liana scanned the crowd. One positive thing about a small attendance was that she had a good chance of finding Mitch in the stands. When she did, she smiled; he was wearing the football kit she had given him at Christmas. She waved to him and to Jay, who sat next to Mitch, unsmiling. Liana wasn’t fooled. An unsmiling Jay was normal. Jay nodded then reached to the floor to put on the latest version of the baseball cap from her team’s merchandising website. It only went on sale the day before. She burst out laughing at the sight.
Jay had come down to Auckland for the day. After the match, they were going to head out to a pub to catch up. Liana knew Mitch was a little worried about Jay, even though Kelly had assured them that Jay hadn’t had any severe episodes of depression since Maile was born. When pressed about why he was worried, Mitch shrugged. “No real reason. Instincts. He’s always had a good game face, but... I don’t know.”
A month later, the team was in Tahiti for the next match in the tournament. Liana had just finished an interview with a local journalist when Phil came up to her with his phone in his hand.
“I just got this from Mum.” He showed her the message with a link to an online article.
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Unconfirmed reports that Jay Morrison’s body was found in the waters of Lake Rotorua.
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“What? No...” Liana whispered. She stared at Phil, her mind slow to process what she had just read.
He stepped forward. “Liana, I’m sorry...”
“No!” She stepped back. “No, this can’t be right. We just had him over... he was fine!” Her hands shook as she reached for her phone. She tried to phone Mitch, but it went straight to voicemail. She messaged him then pressed Cat’s number.
Cat answered immediately, her voice breaking. “I don’t know, Liana. Connor’s trying to get hold of Kelly. This can’t be happening. It’s not possible. He’s been so happy...”
Liana’s phone sounded. “It’s Mitch.”
A loud ringing flooded her head; she knew she didn't hear anything from the outside world. The relentless sound was from within; her fears were drowning what made sense.
“Mitch...”
“He’s gone, Liana. I just spoke to Kelly. He’s gone. One of my best friends is dead.” The sound of his pain invoked her own.
“No... Not Jay!” Liana looked up, but her vision was blurred by tears. “No!” A tidal wave of savage grief threatened to overwhelm her physically. Phil’s arms came around her shoulder, his body support as she lost feeling in her legs.
She willed herself to come out from the whirlpool of dark emotions she had experienced before. Breathe, Murphy. She wiped her tears with still shaking hands and somehow stood up. “I’m coming home,” she whispered into her phone.
All she heard was her husband’s quiet crying. Breathing in and out, she faced Phil. “I need you to take over.” Her mind raced. She couldn’t see. Focus, Murphy.
“You know what we need to do. The team’s ready. Get the boys back safely. I’ll see you in Christchurch in a couple of days. I have to get home.” She faced her head coach. “Phil?”
He nodded and took her clipboard. “Go. I have this.”
She walked away, her mind working on what she needed to do next. Her tears continued. This can’t be happening... focus... get home to Mitch... just get home.
This was one of the few moments in her life she was grateful for her celebrity status and wealth; she pulled all the strings she could, calling for favor after favor. Within a couple of hours of talking to Mitch, she was on a private jet to Christchurch. When she landed, she caught sight of a TV monitor that displayed the simple statement, released by RugNZ, confirming Jay’s death:
“We’ve lost one of our own today. RugNZ is in mourning. Our thoughts are with Jay Morrison’s family. We ask everyone to respect their privacy.”
Jay would have approved of that—short and direct
The house was unlit when she arrived, but she knew Mitch would be up despite the late hour. She saw him on the sofa, still. Darkness hid his face but not his sorrow. “I’m sorry, Mitch. So, so sorry.” He took her hand, squeezing it tight. Together, they lay on the sofa, her head resting on his heart. She reached up to place her hand on his cheek.
“I should have been there for him somehow,” Mitch said, his voice rough. “Maybe say more to let him know he could come to me. Connor had asked about him just yesterday. He sensed things weren’t right, either. I didn’t quite believe him. I didn’t believe Jay would do anything.”
“It definitely wasn’t an accident?”
“I don’t know. We’ll never know one way or another. He was one of the strongest swimmers around. He grew up in the water. He respected the water; it was where he was most at peace. I don’t know what to believe, or what I want to believe.” Tears slid through her palm. “He spent his whole life battling this.”
“Oh, Mitch...”
“He was such a warrior. He just had a baby! That beautiful little girl isn’t going to know what it’s like to have her dad hug her.”
They could have stayed on the sofa all night, but Liana insisted they go to bed. At one point, Mitch left and returned to the living room. She found him there, asleep just as dawn broke. On the table was a commemorative photo book of the World Championship made especially for the team. It was opened to a page where there was a collage of candid pictures. Her eyes immediately found the photo she knew Mitch must have fixated on: Connor, Jay, and himself in an embrace after the final whistle, their arms over each other’s shoulders, their heads meeting in the middle of the tight circle.
Liana pulled a throw over her husband. Even in his sleep, he looked tired. She touched his forehead gently, then kissed his cheek. She started the coffee and made herself some tea. She turned on the TV but muted it. The news was mainly about Jay. Media were camped in front of the house she had visited. She didn’t learn anything new. There were a few sound bites from Jay’s former coaches and Club teammates.
A buzz coming from the coffee table woke Mitch up. He looked startled, then reached for the phone quickly.
“Kel?”
Liana poured a cup of coffee and brought it to Mitch. He grabbed her hand briefly, squeezing his appreciation before returning his attention to Kelly. She walked to the bedroom, her fingers briefly touching her laptop. But she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to start anything.
Life threw punches: her Mum and brother’s untimely deaths, her father’s unexpected one. And now this.
When Mitch entered the bedroom, Liana walked into his arms and felt them tighten around her.
“Kelly has asked Connor and me to be two of the pallbearers at the funeral. The burial will be in three days. Connor wants to escort the body home from the morgue. I’d like to be there with him.”
“How’s Kelly holding up?”
“As best as she can. Barnsey’s already there. Management sent the PR people to handle the press. But it’s a madhouse. She sounds exhausted.”
“When do you need to leave?”
“Connor’s getting our flights right now. He’s hoping for one in a couple of hours. We’ll stay at his cousin’s place. They live close to Jay’s...” Mitch ran his hand through his hair. His eyes showed his exhaustion and despair. “Connor’s completely gutted.”
“I have to be here to meet the team tomorrow,” she reminded him gently. “But I’ll fly up straight after.”
“You sure? You must be tired after your flight. I’m sorry. I didn’t even check to see how the team did.”
Liana touched her husband’s face. “It’s not important right now. And, of course, I’m sure. He was my friend too. I need to be there. I want to be there.”
* * *
Liana and Cat arrived in Rotorua a few days later. As expected, Jay’s death remained the top story in the news. Unlike Mitch or Connor, Jay was never a commercial success. He didn’t have big endorsements nor was he popular on the talk-show circuit. When he wasn’t on the National Team, he went home. He worked in his community. He stayed close to all he knew.
The public may not have known the man, but there was recognition of what was lost—a talented player who represented his country so well. The National Team had just returned from Johannesburg the week before Jay’s death. The players had a two-week break before leaving for Australia for another series. It was precious downtime. But everyone who had played with Jay was going to the funeral.
With permission from RugNZ members of the National Team wore their official team blazers. But it was mostly people from the community who came to pay their respects. The local school choir sang when the coffin procession entered the community hall. Tears streamed down Connor’s face as he carried Jay’s coffin. Behind him, Mitch had his sunglasses on, his face tense. Kelly carried Maile as she followed the coffin, the little girl staying fast asleep on her mother’s shoulder.
Barnsey gave the first eulogy, sharing how he had first seen Jay as a fourteen-year-old. He was the coach for the opposing team, but he left the match with the feeling that Jay was one of those exceptional players. A video montage of Jay was presented next on a large screen: a young Jay, a teenage and ungainly Jay, the rugby champion, the friend, the husband, the father.
The hall was quiet at the end of the montage. When the lights came on again, Kelly was at the podium. Liana marveled at how she looked, her long black hair pulled back into a bun. Her face was free of makeup. She had never looked more beautiful or more vulnerable.
Kelly spoke of their love story and of the future they were planning, but she also shared the challenges of being married to a man with an illness that was hard to treat. Liana’s heart broke with each word she heard. There was a finality in Jay’s death that came with his widow’s eulogy.
They followed the casket out. Mitch, Connor, and the other pallbearers walked steadily, then stopped in front of a group of men who Liana learned were current and former residents of a hostel that Jay had founded to help recovering addicts. A loud call came from behind the group, and they honored their patron with an emotional haka.
The cremation that followed was private; only immediate family and the pallbearers attended it. Everyone else stayed in the hall that was efficiently converted into a reception area. Extra chairs and tables were suddenly available for guests. A buffet table was filled with a selection of food in mismatched crockery, brought from various kitchens in the neighborhood. The stillness of the funeral was being replaced by the quiet energy of people ready to reminisce and celebrate Jay’s achievements in life.
Liana and Cat separated to meet with Jay’s many neighbors and friends. An hour later, Liana felt Mitch’s arm reach around her waist. They hugged.
“I’ve missed you,” Mitch said.
“I missed you too. I’ll be around. Why don’t you go be with the boys?”
Mitch nodded and squeezed her hand. When she next looked around the room, she saw Mitch talking with some of his former teammates from the National Team. They were laughing, no doubt recounting some story about Jay. Connor’s face was still dark with grief, but he was smiling as well... a sad smile... but a smile on his handsome face. Cat was sitting with Jay’s grandmother, holding her hands. They, too, looked engaged in a conversation punctuated with soft laughter. Life continued; it just did.
Liana found a quiet table in the corner. She was content to be by herself for a while, her thoughts and reflections her only companions until Kelly found her. She motioned for Liana to stay seated and pulled a chair to sit next to her. “Thank you for coming. I saw your face when I was giving the eulogy. It gave me courage.”
“Your eulogy was beautiful, Kelly,” Liana said. “Promise me you’ll let Mitch or I know if you need anything.”
“Thank you. I wanted you to know that Jay really liked you, you know. Said you were one of the good people in this world. He is... was... very good at reading people. He felt safe with you.”
“That means a lot.”
Kelly gripped Liana’s hand tightly. “He may have had his bad days, but he was doing fine. I want you to know that, okay? He really was.”
Liana returned the firmness of the grip, instinctively knowing that it would provide Kelly a degree of comfort.
“I believe you,” Liana said, deciding at that moment that she would.
