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The following Saturday evening, Tara held one of Hailey’s hands while Caleb held the other as they made their way out of the T station at Government Center in downtown Boston. The cacophony of noises coming from an orchestra warming up and the sounds of conversation, shouts, and laughter filled the cold evening air, creating a sense of anticipation.
“That was cool.” Hailey looked up at Caleb. “I’ve never been on the subway before.”
“I’m surprised, since you’ve lived in the area for a couple of years.” Caleb looked over the top of Hailey’s head at Tara.
“We always took cabs, or someone drove us to town. Most of the time Hailey was not well enough to take the T.” Tara didn’t want to remember that time—the time when she didn’t know whether Hailey would ever be healthy again.
“Then I’m glad she could have that experience now.” Caleb dropped his gaze to Hailey. “You’re gonna love these Christmas lights. It’s a spectacular show.”
Hailey looked up at him, her eyes full of excitement as she skipped along between them. “I can hardly wait.”
Jostling with the crowd, they made their way to Faneuil Hall. Joy radiated throughout the area. Tara thought she could almost reach out and touch it. She wished she’d kept her mouth shut and not said anything to Caleb regarding her uncertainties about their relationship. Even though they were on another date, she sensed a distance between them that wasn’t there before. A week of self-examination had made her regret the things she’d told him, and she feared there was nothing she could do to change things now.
“Let’s go this way. It doesn’t seem quite so crowded.” Caleb steered them toward the edge of the walkway.
“I see the tree.” Hailey pointed ahead. “It almost reaches to the sky.”
“Wait until you hear the music and see the tree all lit up.” Caleb guided them toward the open plaza.
Frowning, Hailey gazed up a Tara. “Mommy, I don’t think I can see everything cuz I’m short.”
“I can solve that.” Caleb picked up Hailey and hoisted her onto his shoulders.
Hailey giggled. “I’m really tall now, and I can see everything.”
Tara touched Caleb’s arm. “Are you going to be okay like that?”
Caleb nodded. “She’s not that heavy, and the show starts in a few minutes.”
“Mommy, don’t make him put me down.”
Tara smiled indulgently at Hailey. “He’s spoiling you, you know.”
“That’s okay.” Hailey grinned down. “This is cool up here.”
Caleb chuckled. “She has the best seat in the house.”
Tara nodded. She wished she could back up time and undo last weekend’s conversation. But they had prayed about things going forward. She should enjoy their time together and not worry about where it would lead. God would guide them. She had to believe that.
When the show started, lights danced everywhere as Christmas music filled the air. Awe painted Hailey’s features. Her eyes filled with wonder, and Tara’s thoughts overflowed with happiness for her child. The brightness and beauty of the colorful lights reminded Tara that being with Caleb brought brightness and beauty to her world.
He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer as the lights blinked from tree to tree around the plaza. The beauty and the wonder of Christmas reflected on the faces of the people in the crowd. For a moment contentment settled in Tara’s heart until she thought about Hailey’s one wish for Christmas. A family.
Tara wondered why she ever thought a bicycle was the one thing that would make her daughter happy. The bicycle had been on layaway for weeks. Just a couple more payments and the bicycle would be hers, but the one thing Hailey wanted Tara couldn’t give her. The thought robbed Tara of any joy, but she manufactured a smile and remembered the reason for celebrating Christmas. It wasn’t all about the gifts for each other, but the greatest gift of all—the Savior who had come to earth to save the world from sin. That should bring her joy of the greatest kind.
When the show was over, Tara, Caleb, and Hailey wandered through the market area and looked at the carts where folks were selling all kinds of things. Caleb bought a bottle of hot sauce for his dad, a wind chime for his mom, and a toy for Hailey.
The gift bag swinging by her side, Hailey romped a few feet ahead as they made their way back to the T station.
Caleb leaned closer. “I hope I’m not in trouble for buying that little trinket for Hailey.”
Tara let out a sigh. “You always ask after you’ve given her something.”
“So I am in trouble.”
Tara let out a halfhearted chuckle. “No, I appreciate everything you do for Hailey. Really.”
“Okay. I’ll take you at your word.” Caleb took her hand and squeezed it. “You and Hailey are very important to me. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize our relationship.”
“You haven’t.” Tara wanted to reassure Caleb. She needed to talk with him when Hailey wasn’t around. She doubted that would happen tonight. It would be too late when they got home. He had to take care of Sadie, and she had to get Hailey into bed.
“So what’s on your Christmas wish list?”
Tara glanced up at him. Was he trying to figure out what to get her for Christmas? She didn’t want him to spend money on her, because she didn’t have money to buy a gift for him. She planned to make something for everyone on her Christmas list. “I don’t have a wish list.”
“There must be something you’d like to have.”
“Sure. There are lots of things, but I also know I don’t have to have any of them.”
“Just indulge me and name one thing.”
“Okay. I saw the most beautiful nativity set in one of the stores in downtown Hawthorne. I would love to have it, but it’s way too expensive—an extravagance. I like to go by the store and just look at it in the window.” Tara sighed as she slipped her arm through Caleb’s. She wanted to tell him not to even think once about buying it for her, but that would be presumptuous. So she kept her mouth shut.
On the way home, Hailey talked and talked about the Christmas lights. Tara thought for sure Hailey would fall asleep, but she kept up her nonstop chatter until Caleb pulled his car to a stop in front of his parents’ house.
“Mommy, can I go with Caleb to walk Sadie?”
Tara should’ve anticipated that request. “Not tonight. It’s late, and you have to get in bed. Tell Caleb thanks for taking us to Boston.”
A pout forming on her face, Hailey mumbled her thanks.
Caleb nodded as he opened the car door. “You can help me tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Hailey hopped out of the car and raced to the steps.
“Thanks again for taking us to Boston. It was a fun day.” Tara smiled at Caleb as he rounded the front of his SUV. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she still didn’t see this as a good time.
“You’re welcome.” He took one of her hands in his as she stopped on the bottom step. “I’m just thankful that you agreed to go.”
Tara looked up at Hailey, who stood at the door. “Here’s the key. Let yourself in, and go brush your teeth.”
Hailey’s bottom lip protruded again, but she took the key without saying a word. Breathing a sigh of relief when her child obediently went inside, Tara glanced up at Caleb. Could she at least say she was sorry for her attitude last weekend? “I’m just glad you offered to take us. I’m really sorry about what I said after our last outing. I—”
Caleb put a finger to her lips. “No need to apologize. I understand. It’s good to be truthful, and it’s not always easy to figure out relationships.”
“Thank you for understanding.” Tara wished she had the courage to tell Caleb how much he meant to her, but the words just wouldn’t come. Maybe this was enough for now. “And thanks again for a great day, a great evening.”
Caleb nodded as he took both of her hands and held them. “Would you like to ride with me to church in the morning?”
“Hailey has to be there early because of practice for the children’s Christmas program.”
“No problem.” He smiled as he leaned a little closer.
“Sure.” Returning his smile, Tara nodded, her heart thundering. Was he going to kiss her?
“Great. See you in the morning.” He gave her a peck on the cheek, then rushed back to his vehicle.
Tara stood there as she watched him drive away. Despite his declaration that he understood her feelings, his hasty exit did little to change the distance he had created between them. Could she blame him? He probably had reservations, too. He said it was good to be truthful, but was she really being honest with herself and with him?
Being honest meant acknowledging that she had fallen in love with Caleb Fitzpatrick. That was why she was so worried about what would happen in the future.
This love wasn’t the teenaged, gooey-eyed infatuation she’d had with Blake. This love came from respect, caring, and understanding. Yeah. There were still the heart-racing, pulse-pounding sensations when she was with Caleb, but it was so much more. He listened. He made her look on the positive side of life. He encouraged her. She had to grab on to this and never let go.
***
The children’s Christmas program brought out smiles, laughter, and applause from the congregation. Caleb squeezed Tara’s hand as he took in the joy on her face. He wanted her to be happy more than anything, and he wanted to be the one to make her smile. Today was all about making some progress toward that goal.
After the closing prayer, as the congregation spilled from the pews, he leaned closer to Tara. “Hailey’s quite a performer.”
Tara turned to him, a little smile curving her mouth. “I’m so glad she did well. She’s come a long way from the little girl who faked being sick when we first moved to Hawthorne, and you have a lot to do with that.”
“You know I think she’s special.”
“You spoil her.”
“After all she’s been through, she deserves to be spoiled a little.”
“I suppose.”
“Anyway, I’m glad I could have a part in her life.” And yours. Not daring to express his feelings for Tara, Caleb’s heart swelled with a myriad of emotions. He wanted to be there to see Hailey be the best she could be. To see her grow up. To see her make the most of life. He wanted to share that with Tara. She had recanted some of her worry about their relationship. He hoped that meant he could make his dream a reality.
“Me, too.” Tara let out a contented sigh. “You make our life better.”
“And you mine.”
Before Tara could respond, Hailey bounded toward them. “Mommy, can I go home with Emily and Eric?”
Tara raised her eyebrows. “Whose idea was this?”
“All of us.”
“And who is all of us?”
Hailey scrunched up her little face. “Me, Emily, and Eric.”
“What about Emily and Eric’s parents?” Tara glanced around the room.
Caleb nudged her. “Kurt and Molly are near the side door.”
“Yes, I see them.” Tara took Hailey’s hand. “Let’s go over there.”
Before Tara had taken two steps, Molly turned and headed their way. Tara gave a little wave as they met in the center aisle. “Hailey’s asking to go home with your kids. Is this something they cooked up on their own, or are you on board with this?”
Molly chuckled as she glanced down at Hailey. “They did cook it up, but I’m okay with it as long as you are.”
“I’m good with that.”
“Yippee!” Hailey pumped her fist above her head.
Molly chuckled again. “Eric and Emily are looking forward to it, and we’ll drop Hailey at home on our way to my mother’s. She invited us over for dinner.”
“I appreciate you letting her come over.” Tara tapped Hailey on the head. “Now you behave yourself.”
“I will.” Hailey gave her mother an annoyed look.
As Emily, Eric, and Hailey scrambled down the aisle toward the door, and Tara and Molly made the final arrangement for the afternoon, Caleb hoped this spelled an opportunity to have some alone time with Tara. He loved having Hailey with them, but he wanted a chance to talk to Tara and let her know how much he cared about her. He wanted to make sure she understood how important their relationship was to him.
Tara turned back to him. “Well, Hailey’s set for the afternoon. Are you ready to go?”
“Looks like you’re stuck with me for the afternoon.” He gave her a lopsided grin.
“Does this mean Patriots football?”
Caleb laughed. “You mean you’re not a fan?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you thought it.” Caleb recalled the recent Sunday afternoons and several evenings when he’d watched football with his dad while Tara and his mother pretended an interest. Hailey loved to cheer and always asked a ton of questions about the game.
“You and my mom never pay attention to the game.” Caleb raised his eyebrows as he waited for her to deny it.
Tara grimaced. “I just thought it wouldn’t be polite to ignore your mom and watch the game.”
“You’re so sweet.” Caleb put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Mom would’ve done her own thing if you’d wanted to watch.”
“Are your mom and dad going to be watching the game today?”
“Nope. They have other plans.” Caleb grinned. “It’s just you and me. Can you handle that?”
Tara laughed. “You, me, and football. Sounds like a winner if you throw in some hot wings.”
“Got it. I know just where to get the best wings.” Everything Caleb had learned about Tara in the last few minutes made him realize that he didn’t know as much about her as he thought he did.
With Hailey off to the Jansens and the aroma of hot wings filling his SUV, Caleb pulled to a stop in front of his house. His breath forming a cloud in the cold December air, he hurried to the door as Tara carried the bucket of wings. He unlocked the door, and she scurried inside.
“Put the wings on the coffee table, and I’ll get celery and ranch dressing.” He didn’t wait for her response as he strode into the kitchen.
“A bachelor who has celery in his fridge?”
Caleb glanced up to find Tara standing in the doorway. “Is that a problem?”
She gave him an impish smile. “No. I’m just impressed with any man who has veggies in his fridge.”
“I’m glad I can impress you with vegetables.” He chuckled, wishing he could impress her with so much more.
“Can I get the drinks?”
“Sure. I’ll take a cola. You can grab what you want.” He hastily washed the celery and cut it into shorter pieces that he placed on a tray. After he poured dressing into a small bowl, he held them up. “Ready for some good food?”
“I’m starved.” Tara carried a glass in each hand as she led the way into the living room.
With the food and plates on the coffee table and the TV tuned to the football pregame show, Caleb settled beside Tara on the couch. “So now that I know you like football, we’ll have to make this a regular thing.”
“I’d like that.”
Her declaration made him believe that things could work out between them. She was giving him a chance to show her that she could trust their relationship. “I’ll give thanks for the food, then we can settle in to watch the game.”
Tara nodded, then bowed her head. Caleb reached over and took her hand before he started to pray. Her hand felt so right in his as he gave thanks for the food aloud and prayed silently that God would guide him to do and say the right things when it came to Tara. After he finished the prayer, he squeezed her hand, and she looked up at him with a smile. His heart did a little stutter-step, and he resisted the urge to kiss her. He couldn’t push this relationship, or could he?
“I’m ready for the game to start.” She picked up one of the small plates and helped herself to wings and celery.
“Me, too.” Caleb turned up the volume just as the players took the field for the kickoff.
For the next few hours, they cheered for their team’s good plays and groaned at the miscues while they devoured the wings. As they shared the fun time, Caleb wondered why he had allowed so many weeks to pass without doing something about his feelings for Tara.
The answer wasn’t a mystery. His fear of repeating a mistake made him pull back every time she drew him in. Then discovering that she had fears of her own about their relationship put a further damper on his burgeoning feelings. Like the football players he was watching, could he rush through her defenses and scores some points with her?
When the game ended with an interception that sealed the victory for the Patriots, Caleb gave Tara a high five. “That was an exciting game!”
“And the right team won.” Tara jumped up from the couch and started picking up the plates. “I’ll take these to the kitchen.”
Standing beside her, Caleb touched her arm. “You don’t have to do that. You’re a guest.”
“Technically, yes, but I feel right at home here.”
Caleb took the plates from her hands and put them back on the coffee table.
Tara frowned at him. “Why did you do that? Just because you consider me a guest doesn’t mean I can’t help clean up.”
“I know.” He took her hands in his. “But I have something I want to say.”
She looked at him with a wide-eyed expression. “What?”
Caleb took a deep breath as he said a silent prayer for wisdom. “You said you have some reservations about our relationship, but I want you to know how much I care about you. And Hailey. I don’t want to scare you away, but I can’t undo the fact that I’m falling in love with you.”
Her eyes grew wider. Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but she didn’t say anything. She just stared at him. Caleb swallowed hard. Had he blown it entirely by bringing up his feelings again? Had he misinterpreted her actions? He gave her a lopsided smile. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot with my declaration.”
Still staring at him, she extracted one of her hands and placed it over her heart. “You didn’t put me on the spot.”
“We’ve talked before, and you raised your concerns. What are your feelings now?” Caleb’s pulse skyrocketed, and every nerve stood on end as he held his breath.
Tara dropped his other hand and stepped closer. She put her arms around his neck and gazed up at him. “I’m still trying to put my own emotions into place, but I’m glad you’re willing to take a chance on me. I want to throw away all my qualms and take a chance on you, too.”
Putting his arms around her waist, he pulled her closer. She lifted her face to his, and their lips met in a kiss sweeter than all the Christmas treats he’d consumed in recent weeks. The room faded away, along with everything else, except Tara. When the kiss ended, he held her close. Everything about this moment felt so right. He wanted to hang on to it and never let it go.
“Thank you for not giving up on me.” Her words muffled into his chest.
Caleb wished he could guarantee a happy ending when it came to their feelings for each other. He had to have faith that she wouldn’t break his heart like Amy had. Still holding her tight, he pushed the bad memory away. Why did the past still have to haunt him when he held his new love in his arms?
He’d told Tara that they didn’t skate on the pond because the ice couldn’t be trusted to hold anyone who dared to step out there. He couldn’t shake the image of love as taking a step onto the ice of the nearby pond and hoping it didn’t break.
