You’re Not from Around Here, Are You?
Increasingly, college students come from all parts of the world to be part of the American college experience. Some only drive two hours across state lines while others fly two days across multiple bodies of water and mind-numbing time zones to get here. Together “domestic” and “international” students form the most diverse population ever to pursue higher education together.
The international student faces distinctive challenges in getting the best out of college and, we believe, has a vital role to play in helping others maximize their college experience. This chapter is written not only for the international student who gives up the comforts of home to study in the States but also for the domestic student who stands to gain a wealth of meaningful interactions from another’s experience. In our rapidly globalizing world, ambitious universities are eager to welcome international students to campus as a means of increasing diversity and the range of voices who take part in the academic dialogue. So if you are one of these prized international students considering relocating for the next four or more years for the sake of education and adventure, we congratulate you—and we encourage you to pay close attention to this chapter. If you are a domestic student, read this chapter anyway because what you gain indirectly could help you form vibrant global partnerships in the future, not to mention the intrinsic benefit of forming close friendships with interesting people.
Why are universities so eager to attract international students when, in all honesty, it means a lot more work for campus staff to help those students find their niche? For starters, international students enrich the community intellectually; bringing in students from around the world is inviting the world into the classroom.
Discussions around the economics of gender become much more interesting when students from majority Muslim countries are invited to the table; the same is true about discussions on postcolonialism in literature with students from India and South Africa, or copyright and patent law with students from Germany, Japan, and China. And you really don’t understand American politics and history until you have talked about it with someone who sees the United States from the outside looking in. Suddenly what seems like a straightforward conversation becomes a very rich forum with a tantalizing blend of ideas.
Universities are also excited to welcome international students because they may bring a unique degree of maturity to campus. Given all they (and their families) have sacrificed to be here, international students may be a little more focused, determined, and dedicated than the average freshman. In general, international students tend to be more savvy about the world. Of course, they also face unique pressures as they familiarize themselves with American social mores, ranging from gender relations to interactions with their professors.
Given these pressures, our advice in the previous chapters applies doubly to international students, for whom college and American life are totally new. However, it is necessary to highlight how international students can enhance their education with a few wise decisions early on, and how domestic students can reap the benefits of being educated alongside some of the greatest minds from around the world.
If you are a domestic student, thank you for being culturally astute and reading this chapter. As you do so, we encourage you to make the leap and join an international club. Just as it’s important for international students to assimilate into the campus culture, it is equally important for domestic students to get out of their comfort zones and get to know new people and explore new cultures that have landed on their doorstep.
Who cares if you’re as home-grown American as they come—join the Korean Students Association. Sure, you don’t speak Korean, have never tasted kimchee, and don’t know who Sejong the Great is or why there is a statue of him in downtown Seoul. All the more reason to join. That’s what Kip did. Four years later he found himself taking a job in Korea by happenstance, feeling very grateful that the culture, food, and a bit of the language were familiar. So keep reading.
Culture shock is, in part, homesickness magnified. However, for international students, the sheer distance from home can make the feelings especially intense, particularly around the holidays—and particularly around holidays that are not celebrated in the States as they would be back at home with family and friends.
Universities do their best to make special preparations for international students during holidays when most students will be away from campus. Their absence can create deep feelings of loneliness, but holidays and breaks can also open up opportunities for you to delve further into American culture, develop relationships with families off campus, and take your educational adventure to a new level. It’s a reasonable goal to befriend an American and be invited to join them for Thanksgiving, religious holidays, or even spring break. Professor James tells us that when he was growing up, his family always had an international student living with them; his parents considered it helpful for the student and even more helpful in broadening their children’s global perspective. This note is for domestic students: Be aware and hospitable. Sharing a holiday with an international student and hearing about his own country’s freedoms and heritage will give you a renewed sense of appreciation for the liberties you have, and the shared cultural experience will turn what may have become a stale tradition into a feast.
Culture shock is, in part, homesickness magnified.
Like most international students who come to study in America, you are probably well aware of the potential homesickness, not to mention being absent from many of the traditional celebrations back home. The trade-off for academic opportunities not offered in your home country is worth the cost. Yet the costs can be high.
You know the old joke: all generalizations are false, including this one. All generalizations are also risky, including this one. But in our varied and lengthy experience, we have seen a disproportionate number of international students struggle with mental health issues around depression and severe anxiety. It’s hard to know if these challenges existed prior to coming to the States and were simply exacerbated by the stresses of being here, or if it is the stress of culture shock, homesickness, isolation, and academic pressure from home blending into a toxic cocktail.
If you are one of those readers who is particularly prone to such pressures and internal darkness, establish some support systems for yourself within your first week on campus. Make use of academic advisors when you are feeling overwhelmed by classes; campus counselors when you are feeling alone, confused, and stressed; office hours to find clarification in your course work; and resident faculty when you need a wise, listening ear. Bottom line? Ask for help—and lots of it. Knowing yourself well enough to accurately weigh your strengths and weaknesses—and knowing how to ask others for help so that the latter does not engulf the former—is a sign of strength.
Being asked to see a counselor is almost like being told to go home. I never met with a counselor prior to coming to America; neither did I meet with a dean during all my years in a British-styled school. It was simply not part of the student experience, unless a student had committed a serious crime or was failing all his courses. Someone must explain the role of an advisor, a dean, and a counselor to incoming internationals—and stress the importance of using them as allies—or international students will rot in their dorm rooms, fearing the thought of approaching what is considered a terrifying group of people in their own countries.
Joshua—sophomore, Duke U
So back to that question we asked earlier: how do you know whether it makes sense to attend an American university and, if so, which university to attend? One way is to ask questions before you decide to study in the United States. We recommend that you pose the questions listed below to each of the universities that you seriously consider attending. Unless universities suggest otherwise, email these questions directly to the admissions office; the staff will help you weigh whether or not attending their school is in your best interest.
First and foremost, locate a university that is particularly strong in the field you plan to pursue; should two or more universities stand equal on this first question, the following questions will help you narrow down your choices. Relative to academic pursuit and the opportunity to find a job and build a life in the US, many of these issues are minor by comparison—but they still matter. Ultimately, if you are happy in your choice of university, everyone is happy; your college wants to make sure this is the right fit from the start.
1. Are there other students from my country attending this university, if not as undergraduates then as graduates? (If no, ask yourself whether or not you are willing to be a pioneer and seek out potential alums or members of the community who may share your native country.)
2. What special support services does the administration offer international students?
3. Do you have an international house, and what sort of support networks, advice, and resources does it offer students from my country?
4. Will the school have a special orientation for international students like myself, and what does that entail? (Some universities allow international students, along with their parents, to come to campus nearly a week early to recover from travel and jet lag, explore the area outside campus on university-sponsored field trips, and especially to connect with other international students and develop a base of friendly faces in a more intimate fashion before other students arrive on campus.)
5. What arrangements will be made for me during holidays while residence halls are closed? (This is a key question, since, for security reasons, many campuses close residence halls entirely during winter break. They may, however, open a block of rooms for the few students who remain on campus during the break.)
6. Is it possible to stay at the school during the summer to take classes or pursue internships?
7. What extracurricular activities does the university offer that are related to my culture?
8. Are there alumni or social networks off campus that are dedicated to helping international students feel welcome, especially when school is not in session?
As you weigh the answers to these questions and use them to select your school of choice, consider this last point: life as an international student requires a special level of maturity. While domestic freshmen who are immature are likely to have a difficult time their first year, the situation is even more difficult for an immature international freshman. Make time to consider this decision carefully.
Part of the maturity needed involves your ability to weigh not only the social realities of studying in the US but also the financial costs. You need to consider more than just tuition and books; you will also face international phone bills, expensive flights home, and the ever-changing currency exchange rate. Because of the potential financial challenges, take the time to investigate carefully the extent to which financial aid is available to you.
In the past, international students had little more than letters mailed back and forth, the occasional care package, and phone calls reserved only for special occasions to stay in touch with people back home. Skype, Internet-based phone services, and email are an invaluable resource for international students. Although in earlier chapters we cautioned undergrads against calling home too frequently, we relax that advice a bit for international students. Likewise, unlike domestic students, we encourage international students to bring special items from home to help make their rooms, as much as possible, a familiar place of safety and retreat. Where we cautioned domestic undergrads from developing too extensive a network off campus in the early years at the risk of losing their network on campus, we encourage international students to occasionally visit neighboring schools that may have more students from their home country. Relationships on and off campus are a worthwhile investment of time that create a sense of home, which will be of great importance as you establish your new home here.
Because homesickness is so prevalent for internationals, universities have developed an extensive support system for them. Often the university will do its utmost to pair international students with hand-picked academic advisors who will be sensitive to the unique challenges and opportunities that international students experience. So ask your academic advisor about what resources are available to you now that you are on campus.
I wish international students were blatantly told that they should expect to be a minority in America. Yes, it sounds obvious but, frankly speaking, it comes as a shock. I frequently found myself among people who, in most cases, had no idea who I was and, inasmuch as they were interested in knowing and learning about me, their approach was often completely wrong. When I was at my lowest of lows, I shied away from people who might ask me silly questions, such as if there are lions in my backyard. On my better days, I’ve come to realize that I should expect all kinds of conversations—the good as well as the bad. Inasmuch as it is up to me, I will communicate effectively and try to discern between mockery and humble inquiries that are simply shadowed by ignorance.
Joshua—sophomore, Duke U
We know of one student, Katrina, who came from Russia to study in the States and had a particularly rough time. In fact, by Christmas she was so homesick (not to mention getting Cs and Ds in nearly every class) that she was ready to leave permanently. Her academic advisor was able to persuade her to at least finish out the school year and take the summer—when she would naturally have a couple of months off and was already planning to be home—to think about it. Katrina agreed. That next fall, she was back. She announced to her advisor upon returning that she was excited to be back on campus and was staying for the remainder of her education. Why the sudden change of heart? Katrina told her advisor that she went home hoping to reconnect with friends, most of whom had stayed in-country to attend local universities, and found those friends to be immature and trapped in the rut of their high school relationships. It was in that moment that she realized how much she had grown and changed during her time away in the States. She decided that, while it would be easier to stay in Russia, she would miss out on too many opportunities to explore the world; she returned refreshed. And her change in perspective gave her the extra boost she needed to reapply herself to her course work and improve her grades. If there’s a moral to this story, it is to listen to academic advisors and campus counselors (more on counselors below). They have seen international students face a vast array of experiences, and they will provide wisdom and guidance for your journey.
If at all possible, go to the counseling center when you first arrive on campus—and go often during the academic year.
Counseling centers seek to provide counselors who will resonate with students from a wide variety of cultural backgrounds. You will likely find someone there who’s had similar experiences and can relate to what you are going through. As an added benefit, counseling centers can often give you the names of families in the area who have expressed interest in opening their homes to international students to share meals or holidays. Whether or not the host family has a background similar to yours, you may find that being welcomed into their home as part of the family will be a refuge all its own. The bottom line is, don’t wait to be at your lowest low to visit your advisor: go early and go often.
The final element of a typical university support system is an international center. Many international houses offer movie nights with subtitled films from various countries, meals from cultures around the world, dances, and other creative ventures for making the campus feel more welcoming. You may be the only student from your country, but being together with other international students will provide you with a sense of community as you share in your “foreignness” together.
As comfortable as the international house may be, however, we don’t recommend you make it your primary haunt. Continually challenge yourself to pursue your adventure in the US instead of trying to recreate home. Remember, you can go home eventually—your country will always be there—but you’ll only have this opportunity to experience the life and culture of the United States on a campus full of peers for four brief years. So as much as you are able, make the most of it.
As far away as home is and feels, the expectations of those who love you are, most likely, ever present. As an international student, you may find yourself trying to keep everyone, including yourself, happy. You long for home and try to please the people back home. You also try to maintain your old cultural identity and, at the same time, find yourself developing a new identity as a result of the new culture in which you find yourself.
We cannot overstate the pressure that most international students express when asked about expectations back home. You (and your parents) may expect perfection in all areas and be unwilling to compromise a little academically so you can explore extracurriculars or alternative majors. In order to reduce potential misunderstandings about academic expectations, discuss these with your parents before leaving home and try to reach a healthy, shared goal (or, at the very least, a compromise).
The other great expectation beyond academics you will want to discuss with your parents before leaving home is the concept of dating while overseas. Not all cultures expect their children to marry within their culture, but often it is a hope and sometimes it is much stronger than that. If you do not know where your parents stand on this subject, some conversation—even if awkward—may be warranted. We are not telling you how to meet their expectations or even whether you should do so. We are merely suggesting you tread lightly and be aware of the fullness of their expectations ahead of time.
And now a message for parents: Be willing to let your students learn. You have sent your students thousands of miles to better themselves, push themselves to the limit, and create a future that rivals your own success. You have done so out of love. Now trust your sons and daughters to make wise choices; they have worked hard to get here and will continue to work hard. Trust that they will learn from their mistakes; we all make mistakes, and if students seek wise counsel at their universities, they will continue to succeed. We recognize the difficulty of what we ask, but we also recognize the consequences of what happens when parents are unable to give their students this freedom. Simply put, parents who do not let their children grow up end up with children who are not grown-ups.
International students typically cite two main reasons for pursuing higher education in America: (1) it is generally considered to be the best education in the world, and (2) the value of the cross-cultural experience and all that it entails. Once on campus, your academic involvement is a given: you are enrolled in classes and are held to the same academic standard as everyone else (more on this in the next section).
Getting the full benefit of the cross-cultural experience may be a bit more difficult. On the one hand, you have come here to be part of the American melting pot. On the other hand, you miss home and may be inclined to recreate much of that sense of home here so that you are able to cope and pursue your course work.
Our advice, at its core, is to spend enough time involved in activities related to your home culture that you take the edge off your homesickness, but not so much that you form your social identity solely by congregating with students from a similar background. If we were to risk putting a number on so delicate an equation, we might suggest that, at the very least, 75 percent of your interactions be campus-wide and at most 25 percent be related to your culture back home. In other words, spend enough time within your culture group that you are able to escape the American strangeness from time to time, but not so much that you miss out on the full collegiate experience, which, in America, is a twenty-four-hour experience. If you’ve never had a 2 a.m. debate on the international responsibilities of the US government, you’re missing out. Do your best not to hide out in the lab or library as your safety zone either. As important as your academics are—remember, this is a professor saying this—they are only one piece of your college education.
That being said, knowing your comfort zone as you teeter between campus culture and your home culture (and how to find that reenergizing balance where you feel relatively secure in both) is equally important. We know: it seems like we are talking out of both sides of our mouths here. But it really is a matter of fine-tuning your decisions about which groups to join and how to spend time outside of class across your various expectations of what you hope to get out of college; finding the right balance depends on the individual.
We have seen international students who miss out on the best that an American college has to offer because they never leave their group of friends who hail from the same region. They lose something when they fail to fully embrace American culture. And, frankly, the American culture loses out as well. Whether or not it is right, the rest of the student body expects international students to assimilate to them. Rather than wait for the university to create an official campus-sponsored group that highlights your culture, go out and create one. Help raise awareness about your home culture, such as starting a new campus fad based on your local dance, dress, or cuisine.
Again, colleges admit international students like you because they want you to influence their school in a distinct way; they want your culture and values, and those of other international students, shared, explored, and discussed. University deans are quick to point out that they want domestic students to extend themselves to learn more about what is going on in the cultures and countries of international students, not only in the classroom but also—and especially—outside the classroom. Those same deans recognize that the greatest influence will come relationally as opposed to programmatically. They can offer international fairs and enough workshops to wallpaper the student union completely in neon flyers, but little will be as effective as domestic and international students simply hanging out over bad pizza until the wee hours discussing how the world began.
As eager as the university is to welcome you to campus, the classroom can be a very daunting place. Potentially even more intimidating is the professor-student relationship, which takes its own cultural twist in America that may be a startling change from how you interacted with teachers in the past. For some international students, that they are expected to interact with professors at all may be terrifying, and as a result they are likely to assume the worst about some gesture or comment their prof might make, completely unaware of its value in their culture. For these students, developing professional relationships with their profs may seem like their greatest challenge.
With all this going on in the background, it makes sense that international students might exhibit additional nervousness about course work. We commend you for doing university-level academic work in a second language because it is an impressive feat. You may find the sciences (where there is a bit more memorization) or mathematics (with the international language of numbers) somewhat less challenging than courses that require a lot of reading or writing. We’ve heard many bright international students say that the amount of reading in their political science courses is insurmountable, and that writing papers for their English courses is harder still. While you might instinctively want to avoid the humanities entirely, general education requirements probably won’t let you. And should you figure some way around those requirements, it would be unfortunate for you to go through college without having written a full English paper. Even if you shape your courses toward a more technical degree, find manageable ways to challenge yourself: look for at least one course to challenge you on your reading and writing, and schedule it strategically during a lighter semester. We suggest this same approach for domestic students.
As if the quantity of reading material were not enough, international students seem to be particularly surprised to learn that they are held to the same standard of writing as domestic students. In other words, a professor expects that an essay you write will be written with the same clarity, accuracy, and insight as that of a domestic student, to the extent that if the paper were turned in anonymously, the professor wouldn’t know simply by the writing style whether the student was domestic or international. That seems unfair. After all, as an international student, you face a greater challenge in writing than domestic students do simply because you are not a native speaker (or writer) of English.
Okay. The professor may not fully expect perfection, but she will likely demand it—meaning, she will likely give little to no grace or grade advantage to the nonnative English speaker.
Consider it from your professor’s vantage point. Her job is to educate. By awarding you a grade for her course, she is, in essence, testifying to the world (with her name on the line) that you are a certain caliber of student and have been educated to that level. Group four years of professors and courses and grades together into an American degree and your institution is putting its reputation on the line, saying you are capable of functioning in an American university at a particular level and that the grades you received are representative of all students from your university. As tough as it is for you to be held to the same standard as the domestic students, in actuality that immovable bar is fair for all.
Find manageable ways to challenge yourself: look for at least one course to challenge you on your reading and writing, and schedule it strategically during a lighter semester.
If professors are willing to lower the bar for you, it weakens the authenticity and respectability of the system. The good news for you is that universities have accepted and graduated international students for decades based upon the merit of their work; those who have preceded you have successfully competed at the same level and done well, and your university would not have admitted you if they didn’t believe you could do the same. Many campuses have English as a Second Language (ESL) offices, which specialize in helping nonnative English speakers navigate language comprehension challenges.
Profs are not ogres. Most recognize the challenges you face, and will be willing to work with you during office hours (or have their TAs give you some extra assistance) to make sure concepts are clear. Since office hours are available to all students, this is not an unfair advantage but is a way for you to get extra help.
Frequently we [international students] will commiserate about the challenges our peers and professors have understanding us through our various accents. In my case, my accent is very heavy and sometimes it makes me not want to talk. My accent has nothing to do with my intelligence, and even with much practice, it is very hard to overcome. Some of my American friends have been very encouraging, though. From the first time I met them, they acknowledged my accent, saying “the way you speak is so cool.” I think they realized how embarrassing it is to have someone say “I don’t understand you” time and again. That they were patient and willing to understand me through my accent made me want to be their friend.
Joshua—sophomore, Duke U
While we’re on the topic of office hours, on average we recommend that you take advantage of them more than domestic students, especially if you’re enrolled in a course with a heavy reading load. Office hours are a great way to be certain you understood the material from the lecture. Meeting with your professor during office hours may potentially help you understand the final exam structure early enough in the term so that you can begin studying with the exam in mind even in the first few weeks of class.
That said, we recognize that office hours are beginning to fade out of existence. While we still highly recommend the value of a face-to-face conversation (especially for nonnative English speakers, since much can be lost or misunderstood in email), we encourage you to speak with your professor in whatever modes or media he makes available. Request a meeting if he does not offer office hours, and if he (and his TAs) are unwilling to do either, find any way to talk with him that you can. At a minimum, you can always approach a professor at the end of lecture. Even if the professor is unable to stay behind to talk then, you at least can ask him face-to-face for a chance to meet again.
Let’s be explicit: professors expect you to have questions. A contented mind is rarely a learning mind. As any student—domestic or international—encounters new material, that material raises questions, inspires discoveries, and hopefully provides answers. True, your professor will expect you to ferret out as many answers on your own as you can, but if you can’t determine the answers or potential answers (which happens to all of us), ask for help. Questions are not viewed in America as a sign of weakness. A student with questions is seen as one who wants to do well, one who wants to master the material, and one who strives to learn it properly.
In our experience, international students tend to show up as the outliers in professor/student interactions. Either they are painfully shy or they don’t read cultural cues and nonverbal communication with much accuracy and as a result come across as pushy, and crowding the professor’s personal space. The remedy, of course, is to be sensitively aware of what your typical tendency may be and to try to balance it accordingly.
While international students often see their relationships with their professors as their greatest hurdle, where we notice a more important (and often unrecognized) challenge is during class discussions. It is not uncommon for international students to assume that, as long as their test scores and essays are up to par, it doesn’t really matter how often they speak up in class. While that may be true of larger courses, it is not the case with seminars.
“Oh good,” you might be saying to yourself, “then I’ll just avoid seminars.” Before doing something drastic, please consider this point: while it may be easier for you to hide in a lecture hall, seminars offer a unique, rewarding learning experience to engage with the material and your peers in a way you could not at home and, likely, will not be able to after college. (Oh, and by the way, seminars might be unavoidable if a certain number are required for graduation.) Professor Marley has taught courses on international law with transfer and international students in the mix and notes that their involvement has made the classroom experience that much richer. In fact, during a section on copyright law, Ling, a student from China, was able to offer a truly unique perspective that Marley admits he could not. Bonus points for Ling.
Part of the reason you may find discussion seminars to be so daunting is the free-flow structure of the course conversation; this may be very different from the learning format used in primary and secondary education in your home country. For many international students, it’s a new way to learn. Consequently, many international students stop contributing or only contribute marginally to classroom discussion. As a result, they rarely speak during the seminar because they are waiting for the perfect moment in the conversation to present their ideas; sometimes that moment never comes.
Our key suggestions concerning seminars are these. First, if the structure of a seminar is new or overwhelming, tell your professor about this at the beginning of the course. Ask her to help you identify themes in the material that you should look for as you read so that you can make thoughtful comments in your notes and have more material for discussion. Second, having read the material and prepared your notes—not so you can read from your notes, but so that you will feel more confident when you do speak—ask your professor to call on you, if it seems as if you are being too quiet. Please understand, we are not suggesting that you put your responsibility to participate onto the professor. You should still attempt to join the discussion as often as you can, and hopefully having thought about the themes in advance will help you do that. At the very least, the prof will know you want her to prod you a little when it seems you are disappearing from the discussion.
Relational expectations from our professors are a challenge. Whereas in my former school system professors were unreachable and the relationship was very formal, here it is completely different; I am expected to meet my professors for coffee and debate ideals openly. Additionally, back home, asking questions was a sign of intellectual weakness or a lack of studiousness, and yet in American schools, the smartest student is the one who asks the most questions in class. It has taken me a bit of time to subscribe to that philosophy of education, but I can wholeheartedly say I now do. Of course, it is one thing to agree that I should ask questions in class and hang out with my professor, and an entirely different thing to feel comfortable doing so.
Joshua—sophomore, Duke U
While you may have absolutely no intention of plagiarizing or committing any academic dishonesty, the rules that apply in America may not be the same as those that apply back home. As a result, you will need to learn what academic honesty means in the American education system. (See chapter 7 for more on academic honesty.)
Failure to take this matter seriously can lead to disastrous consequences. We know of one case where a group of international graduate students from Asia were caught cheating on an exam for business school. They saw their “collaboration” as nothing out of the ordinary, but the university disagreed sharply and there were serious consequences. Some were even expelled from the university.
You can do three things that will help you in the area of academic honesty. First, attend your university’s orientation session on plagiarism at the start of the school year. Second, if you are struggling with any sort of assignment that should be original (such as writing an essay), ask your professor and TA for help before asking anyone else. Third, avoid peer help on what is expected to be original work. There is often an inclination, particularly among Asian international students, to work in teams and to support each other. And, at times, the whole notion of attributing credit to someone is somewhat foreign—it’s a very practical difference between cultures. While that peer support is good from an emotional standpoint, we suggest you use extreme caution in helping each other with assignments.
A study group is quite different from unauthorized collaboration. Generally, being part of a study group means that you are studying together, such as quizzing each other, clarifying class notes, and anticipating what might be on a test. This is generally permitted and encouraged. Collaboration, on the other hand, normally refers to students helping each other to complete an assignment, such as a test, paper, or lab report. Ultimately, students should follow the instructions given by their professors. If the professor indicates collaboration is not permitted, then students need to complete assignments without anyone else’s input or assistance. It doesn’t matter if you are the helper or helpee; the university will hold you both responsible. A good rule of thumb is this: when in doubt, ask a prof.
Americans are strange. They have an uncanny preoccupation with personal space, they tend to own a shocking amount of clothes, and they are likely to be the loudest talkers in any crowd. And if they meet someone who does not understand English, they will respond by speaking even louder. We’ve heard we’re an odd bunch, and now you are living surrounded by that strangeness 24/7. It will make for a good novel someday, no? In the meantime, international students have shared with us some of their top culture-shock moments and advice on how to make the best of them.
International students tell us they find domestic students unnecessarily focused on alcohol. While it may not come as a complete surprise (after all, you’ve seen American movies and you knew this was coming), the widespread use and celebration of booze seems a little ridiculous, especially to students from European countries where moderate consumption of alcohol is an unremarkable part of the culture.
That being said, in their attempts to make friends and join the culture, many internationals will take part in the “festivities” as freely as Americans. We’ve seen international students bungle their educational dreams too easily when alcohol comes into play; no one has a free pass to drink underage, not even if you are able to do so in your home country legally.
We talk a fair bit in chapter 5 about setting personal standards before arriving on campus, and that advice applies to you twice as much. Since even the simplest things about your daily life in America—from food to colloquialisms to fashion—will be foreign to you, it’s key that you identify your goals, preferences, and personal limitations in advance. Just because the Americans are doing it doesn’t mean you’re missing out on the college experience if you don’t. A big part of your happiness on campus will result from having a sense of self-respect and being secure in your values.
Hamburgers and pizza are great, but if you’re used to nasi padang or piping hot gomen for breakfast, you’ll be sorely disappointed at the campus eatery. No matter how cosmopolitan the setting of your university, it’s unlikely that your comfort food will be offered (and even if it is offered by name, it likely won’t taste the same since the ingredients won’t be completely authentic). Again, this is where the international house comes into play. Frequently the house will open itself up in the evenings so students can congregate to cook and share meals. You might also take advantage of any opportunity to give feedback to the dining hall staff. They are often willing to occasionally add students’ favorite foods from home to the menu.
Who knew that the campus would become a ghost town so people could go home to eat turkey, snooze on the couch, and watch football? It’s true that during winter break, spring break, and potentially Thanksgiving break many campuses have major parts of their dorms and buildings locked up for security purposes. But if flying thirty-six hours to get home for the weekend sounds unreasonable, what are you supposed to do? Check with your resident faculty early on to see what your options are. With enough lead notice, sometimes they can arrange for you to spend holiday meals with families in the area who are connected to the university (and who very much enjoy opening their homes to international students). Most campuses offer housing on a single part of campus and all students relocate to that point until classes resume. It’s worth planning ahead; that way if your options on campus seem a little dismal, you have enough time to organize a road trip with a few other students to explore more of the US during the break.
It’s one of the great dichotomies of American campus life—on Friday night freshmen are doing Jell-O shots till dawn in their dorms, and by Saturday afternoon they are volunteering at the local children’s hospital. Sure, they drink, but they also give back. If you’re looking for a positive way to get off campus, meet other students, improve your frame of mind, and help someone in need all in a single activity, community service can be a great opportunity. Your RF or RA will most likely know where to direct you to find more information.
The confusion here is less with speaking English and more in understanding the nonverbal cues that are rarely discussed in textbooks and vary from culture to culture. A finger raised in one nation means an entirely different thing than a finger raised in another (depending on the finger). Even more enigmatic is the sigh, the pause, the step back or forward, the tongue click—how do you read those? Why don’t people just say what they mean?
It’s hard enough to understand what your professor means by “sure,” but what about the girl you’ve taken a liking to who sits two rows over in class? Dating someone from a country different from your own can be a very rich relationship. Of course, those differences also require a special measure of thoughtful communication around what you (and your special someone) are expecting from the relationship.
Strive for the best verbal communication and rely as little as possible on the nonverbal. You might also want to pay special attention to the sexual harassment lectures during orientation so you can calibrate the university’s expectations and laws with those of your home country. Each country has its own definition of verbal abuse, domestic violence, and consent for engaging in sexual activity, and it is wise to know those laws ahead of time. Summed up, the laws emphasize that parties should be freely and willingly participating in whatever sexual activity is taking place. What’s very important to keep in mind is that someone cannot legally consent to sexual activity if she is intoxicated. Your RA will have more information and specifics to guide you through your university’s dating rules and state’s dating laws if you ask.
That little jingle becomes truer with each passing decade. Thanks to globalization, you may meet someone at college and ten years later find yourselves working together on the other side of the world. Whether or not you are pursuing an international relations degree, you can almost bet on seeing many of your college classmates again.
Even if you plan to return home after graduation, your undergrad years are a fantastic opportunity to develop a network of friendships and acquaintances that you can foster in the coming years. Most major foreign corporations are international, and given your experience in the States, you will likely be called upon to mingle with American foreigners in your own homeland. Then you play the name game of “Do you know so-and-so” and the world becomes a whole lot smaller in a hurry. Building upon these networks broadens your opportunities and career choices and also brings the far reaches of the world into your daily life, along with a variety of personal and professional possibilities. The more elite your academic degrees, the smaller the world becomes. Consider your networks one of the most valuable investments you can make as an undergraduate; do not neglect building and maintaining them.
That said, allow us to clarify further that we are not suggesting that you befriend people for the sake of their wealth or how much you think they can enrich your network or career. Get to know people for who they are, for their passions and goals, for their talents and gifts, and one day watch how your paths overlap in the most unexpected ways. There is always the intrinsic value of a new friend.
Your easiest personal connection on campus will be your roommate. While we generally caution students against devoting too much time to the roommate relationship, in this case we encourage you to get to know your roommate in the hopes of meeting other domestic students (assuming your university has paired you with one); in turn, introduce your roommate to any international friends you have made.
The location of your university will determine an even greater number of experiences that you shouldn’t miss than what we have listed here, but below are some surefire winners to start you off.
Community service projects are a multifaceted experience. You get to meet new people unlike yourself with a common goal (and it makes small talk easy while you’re all nailing siding or pulling weeds or digging ditches). You are able to get off campus and see more of the surrounding area (for free!). You potentially get some exercise. And, of course, you get the benefit of feeling good that you have helped someone else. A timeless bit of wisdom is that when you feel low or glum or sorry for yourself, do something nice for someone else—it gets your attention off yourself and improves your outlook on life.
As much as your visa, time, and finances allow, travel. America is diverse in its flavors, seasons, natural beauty, accents, and people. New York, Dallas, and Seattle are all large cities but incredibly different places. Perhaps you can take a work-study job on campus to save money for one adventure per year. Or perhaps you can join a choir or dance troupe that tours the country as part of its regular schedule.
Explore the community outside of campus by going to local restaurants, performances, and even community libraries. Don’t stay on campus all the time, if you can help it. But—and this is very important—explore safely. Be savvy about your environment. There are certain places to be and go and certain hours—alone or with others or not at all. Know them. Unfortunately, it is all too common for international students to be victims of robbery, so learn what you must do to stay safe. If you live off campus, take special care when leaving the lab or library at night. Most college campuses offer free self-defense courses that only take an hour or two as well as free escort services at night; couple that with some safety devices that fit on your key ring, and you’re a less attractive target.
Many local religious organizations help international students and are eager to provide rides to and from the airport, move-in assistance, lodging for parents, and meals and accommodations over the holidays. Unfortunately many international students don’t know this sort of community connection is available until they are near graduation, and as a result don’t take full advantage of it. We discuss this more in chapter 4, and your religious resource center on campus as well as local churches will be able to supply you with more information.
Because of the extraordinary religious freedoms in the US, the influence of religion on culture both historically and currently, and the diverse array of belief systems mingling in America from all corners of the globe, it’s worth checking out. It would be tragic for international students to come all this way and never step foot in a chapel, never have a conversation about faith with someone whose faith is different than their own, or never grab lunch with a rabbi or have dinner at a Christian family’s house. Many religious organizations make an effort be available to university students and are eager to help if students express an interest.
One of the biggest challenges my friends and I have had while in America is growing in our faith. We find our religions are modified in the United States, and, depending on the depth of those distinctions, that may make it difficult for us to make that faith our own while here. I encourage international students to meet with their campus faith leaders before making any assumptions about religion here. At times I have seen students avoid anyone from their religion on campus because they fear being corrupted by those who do not believe in the same way they do, and it has been a very isolating experience. My hope is you will be able to grow your faith even while you study here.
Joshua—sophomore, Duke U
When all else fails, get a guidebook. If you’re in a metropolitan city, get one specific to your city as well as your state. Read it carefully and strategically select a diverse offering of sights to take in.
We find that many (though not all) international students view the college experience as purely academic and see the extracurricular side as frivolous. In contrast, the American philosophy of education, if summed into almost too neat a package, maintains that a great deal of education occurs outside the classroom, and sometimes this is the most meaningful element of an education. Life for international students is exhausting because nothing is simple: not conversations, with all those cultural nonverbal cues or accent issues waiting to trap you; not running an errand to the grocery, because all the labels and brands are different (not to mention the public transportation challenge of how to get there and back); not studying, because you’re studying in a language that is not your own; not relaxing in your room, because you share it with someone very different from you. The list goes on. The heightened sensory nature of the international experience can be exhausting, but also exhilarating. Take it day by day. Every outing is an adventure, with lots to tell the folks back home. It’s worth it. But when the adventure seems like more than you bargained for, give yourself a break. When you are overly tired, give yourself the freedom to sleep more. Your whole world is a classroom, and unlike your domestic counterparts, very little about your day is straightforward. Live it up. Pat yourself on the back. Be proud of yourself and this amazing adventure that you will spend the rest of your years remembering. We are confident you are capable of doing so with great success.
One of the reasons we selected Joshua from Zimbabwe to speak throughout this chapter on the challenges confronting international students is because of the strength of his personal academic choices. His journey beautifully illustrates this notion of finding a balance—a megatheme of this entire chapter. After being identified as premed, Joshua came to the university early so that he could take the prep courses he needed to enroll fully in the fall. He readily admits that his accent is so thick that he is, at times, difficult to understand. He has a host family here that has been tremendously supportive of him, and he is absolutely committed to becoming a doctor. Since arriving in the States, he has grown to love basketball—a sport he was entirely unfamiliar with before he came. His greatest challenge since coming to the States is the food; when he first arrived, he lost twenty pounds simply because he found American food exceedingly strange. The university and the dining staff were able to take him off the meal plan so that he is now able to cook for himself, and he is much happier. He loves it here and says he would love to stay after graduation. He has not been home in the last year and a half since he arrived on campus, but as a result of reaching out to the community both on and off campus, he has been able to make a true home for himself here.
Joshua is a fantastic example of a student who has done all that we are suggesting in this chapter, and then some—he has maintained his identity while taking advantage of the culture of his new surroundings; he has challenged himself in his academics but not at the expense of exploring new sports and interests; he is applying for summer research fellowships at other universities to prepare for medical school, making full use of his free time on his student visa; he is developing relationships with university professionals, members of the community, and students both domestic and international. We respect him greatly for the way he is handling his college experience, and we think he is worth mentioning in the hopes that you will be inspired to do the same.