Chapter 37

When Jess got back to Dad’s house she found Phil and Fred in the kitchen. Dad was vacuuming. When she came in, he switched it off. They all looked at her.

‘Was she cross?’ asked Dad.

‘No – it was strange, she was completely cool,’ said Jess.

‘She must have been furious with me, though,’ said Fred.

‘No. I told her you were my gentleman companion and she didn’t bat an eyelid,’ said Jess. ‘I think Mum’s had a really great evening and it’s all sort of – well, sorted for her, now.’

‘Well, well,’ said Dad. ‘That’s terrific. I thought she would be giving you a hard time.’

‘We’d got the stretcher ready,’ said Phil. ‘And the oxygen tent.’

‘I have to admit I thought she was going to eat me alive,’ said Jess. ‘But it just goes to show how surprising people can be.’

‘Well, I thought she was wonderful,’ said Phil.

‘Her problem,’ said Jess, ‘is that she’s never had any confidence in herself.’

‘That’s because of me,’ said Dad.

‘Now, Timbo!’ said Phil sharply. ‘No wallowing in guilt! We agreed! You’re only guilty on Thursdays between four and five!’

‘Yes, Dad, don’t be daft!’ said Jess. ‘You and Mum split up ages ago. She’s had years and years to get over it. She did go out with a few guys when I was younger, but there was nothing major. I’m sure she’ll meet somebody nice one day. Somebody who suits her.’

‘She’s very attractive, I think,’ said Phil. ‘Like our own dear Jess. Small, dark and pixie-ish.’

‘At this point,’ said Fred, ‘Phil should reveal he has a brother who somehow never found the right woman . . .’

‘Yes!’ said Dad. ‘A tall, tragic fisherman with steely grey eyes . . . I almost fancy him myself.’

‘I feel so guilty for not having a brother!’ said Phil. ‘Or even a friend in need of a date.’

‘Maybe somebody who’s looking after his elderly father,’ said Dad. ‘So Granny could have a hot date, too.’

‘I don’t think Granny would ever be interested in anybody else,’ said Jess. ‘Grandpa was the love of her life. She still adores him, you can tell.’ Again, somehow Jess caught Fred’s eye. She was longing to be alone with him again. Just for the next sixty years.

‘Maybe that’s another reason your mum lacks confidence,’ said Phil thoughtfully. ‘I mean, if her parents’ marriage was a terrific success.’

Jess had never thought of that. Poor Mum! Of course. She must have felt even more of a sad unloved reject after her divorce, with Granny and Grandpa cuddling away flamboyantly for years and years, right under her nose.

‘She just needs to get her confidence back,’ said Phil. ‘She’s a really attractive woman. Don’t you think, Timbo?’

‘Well, I did marry her,’ Dad pointed out. ‘And considering I was gay, you have to conclude, she must have been really something.’

‘I’d love to give her a makeover,’ said Phil. ‘With the right hair and clothes, and contact lenses, she could be stunning.’

‘I think she looks like Jane Austen,’ said Fred.

‘Fred!’ cried Jess. ‘Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Jackpot!’

‘What did Jane Austen look like?’ asked Phil.

‘Well, like Jess’s mum,’ said Fred. ‘There’s a picture of her on the cover of Pride and Prejudice.’

‘I didn’t know you’d read Pride and Prejudice, Fred,’ said Jess, amazed and delighted.

‘My mum’s reading it, to be honest,’ said Fred. ‘But I don’t have to read it. I saw the movie. And, of course, I am Mr Darcy.’ And he tossed his head back and glared at her with what he imagined was aristocratic pride.

Jess collapsed into giggles. ‘Idiot! You look like a dromedary!’

The long summer day drew to its close. They all went for a last walk on the beach. It was dark, and the surf crashed, ferocious and white, under the moon.

‘OK,’ said Phil. ‘I’ll be off now to my mum’s. I’ve got to get up early and get the Peggy Sue ready for her special trip!’ And he walked off past the Tate Gallery, waving. He hadn’t kissed Dad goodbye or anything. So considerate.

‘Right,’ said Dad, when they got back home. ‘I’m going to make up a bed for Fred on the sofa. While I’m doing that, why don’t you two go and say good-night up on the terrace, under the stars?’

‘Oh goodness, Dad, must we?’ sighed Jess. ‘We’d much rather stay down here and discuss literature.’

‘Well,’ said Fred, ‘we could go up and discuss astronomy.’

‘OK, then,’ said Jess as they trudged upstairs. ‘What’s your favourite star?’

They walked out on to the deck. It was bathed in moonlight. Fred grabbed her and wrapped his long ape-like arms around her.

‘You are!’ he whispered. ‘You’re my favourite star. This has been the best day of my life.’ His heart was thudding away like mad. They sank into a long, long kiss. Then they came up for breath. ‘Apart from when Fubchester United won the European Cup, of course,’ added Fred.

Jess beat him up slightly, and then decided to bury her nose in his neck instead.

‘You smell nice,’ she said. His skin, his hair, smelt kind of spicy. It wasn’t aftershave or anything. It was Fred’s very own special scent. She wondered if, when Granny and Grandpa had kissed under the moon, Grandpa’s skin had been so delicious, all those long years ago.

Eventually they went in, and Jess kissed her dad goodnight and went to her own room. She loved her room. It was so plain and tidy, so blue and white. She pulled off all her clothes and threw them about. The room looked even better now. She unpacked the bag Mum had brought. There were pyjamas, clean socks, pants, her favourite blue T-shirt for tomorrow, her sponge bag, tissues and a lovely gift box from the Eden Project, containing a foam bath, moisturiser and other delectable goodies.

‘Mum!’ she said aloud. ‘You are a legend!’ Jess switched on her mobile, and there was a message from Flora.

HI JESS! SORRY I’VE BEEN OUT OF TOUCH. HAVING A GREAT TIME HERE. HAVE MET FAB BOY CALLED DAVE. TILL TOMORROW, GORGEOUS. HOW’S YOUR DAD?

Hastily Jess composed a reply. AM AT DAD’S NOW. GUESS WHAT! HE’S GAY!!! I’VE MET HIS BOYFRIEND AND EVERYTHING! WE JUST HAD A GREAT DAY. EVEN MUM SEEMS RELAXED.

A message came back right away. WHAAAAAAAT? YOUR DAD’S GAY!!!??? YOU LUCKY THING! WISH MY DAD WAS GAY. HE’S SO BORING.

Jess tapped away at her phone keypad again. FRED’S COME DOWN TO ST IVES. AMAZING! IT WAS A TOTAL SURPRISE. HE HITCHED DOWN JUST TO SEE ME!

MUST BE LURVE came Flora’s reply. GOTTA GO NOW — DAVE’S BY CAMPFIRE WAITING FOR A SNOG. TEXT YOU TOMORROW. BIG HUGS, FLO XXX

Jess sighed in satisfaction, switched off her mobile and went to sleep. She hadn’t felt so contented for years. But she still dreamed she was being chased through deserted streets by a man with a pizza instead of a face. She only just managed to escape him at the last minute by summoning all her strength and rising up into the air. Dreams were so weird.