They said it was indestructible designed
to withstand oncoming meteorites
Space debris and asteroids that could not
penetrate its hyper-tensile steel
So Captain Gung Ho gave the order for
full speed through the asteroid belt
Our ship will heavy and elbow them out
of the way he said over potatoes and veal.
Oh Captain Gung Ho look at that
massive asteroid ahead we must change course
There will be a collision and the ship
will be wrecked but no no Gung Ho
Would have none of it no maneuver
no circuitous route go gung ho
Said Gung Ho then crash smash boom
we’ve hit it oh no oh yes Gung Ho.
Captain Gung Head realised his mistake
but it was too late there just weren’t
Enough life ships for all the passengers
and crew so the lucky few could wait
Until rescue came from the colonies on
Mars but that would take a while
The rest had to stay on the poor wrecked ill fated Cinatit - spell it backwards.
The engines went dead and the ship had a leak
and the dangerous cosmic rays
Started to slowly but surely fill up the ship the rays came in and the oxygen seeped out
And everyone started to cough and choke and hallucinate about being rescued
By NASA life-crafts or failing that by any altruistic aliens that might be around.
Being more imaginative than the rest
I put on a pressure suit and jumped overboard
And started to swim through space lucky for me
the atmosphere on the asteroid
The same one that smacked us was breathable
but it was inhabited by aliens
And I asked them if they could whisk me
back to Earth or Mars would be just fine.
They weren’t very happy about being hit
by our ship they never considered
Their asteroid as indestructible so why
were we so arrogant and cock sure
About our ship Oh I’m not the captain
and I did warn the silly clot
All right we’ll transport you back to Earth
but you’ll have to work your passage.
Go down the mines of this asteroid
and dig up the ore we work here you know
This is not an asteroid holiday resort and
if you don’t work we’ll make you
Walk the plank into space without a space suit
and oxygen cylinder
So make your choice oh I’ll work down the mines
and bring out the ore.
At last they took me back to Earth but
on the return journey I had to cook
My own breakfast and other meals and theirs too so I dished out the bacon and eggs
And so often I heard get the tomato sauce
and a bit more chili pepper over here
They dropped me on Earth on the White House lawn with a frying pan of bacon and eggs.