The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
—Samuel Johnson
GIST
This chapter explains how to achieve menschhood. Mensch is the Yiddish term for a person who is ethical, decent, and admirable. It is the highest form of praise one can receive from the people whose opinions matter.
This topic is included here for two reasons:
The three foundations of menschhood are helping lots of people, doing what’s right, and paying back society—simple concepts that are hard to implement.
HELP MANY PEOPLE
Getting into Heaven may require the simple act of accepting God, but according to some theories, there are different “classes” in Heaven once you get there. Let’s call these tiers (for want of a better analogy) coach, business, and first class. (Heaven may not work this way, but we’re talking about eternity, so why take any chances?)
As in airplane travel, the salient issue is How do I get upgraded? You have to rack up points through your conduct during the time you’re on this earth, and the best way to rack up points is to help people.
The easiest people to help are those whom you think you’ll need someday. Unfortunately, these points are the least valuable because the motivation isn’t pure. Many people don’t even bother doing this.
The big points, and what separates a mensch from a good schemer, come from helping people who cannot help you. In ascending order of karmic purity, there are three reasons to help these folks:
The first reason will get you into an exit row in coach class. The second will get you into business class. The third will get you into first class on Singapore Airlines in a seat that converts to a fully reclining bed with a power outlet for your laptop and noise-canceling headphones on a plane with in-flight Internet access.
But let’s not get caught up in details. A mensch helps people regardless of whether it’s good for this life or the next one. There are few joys greater than helping others.
DO WHAT’S RIGHT
Doing what’s right is the second cornerstone of menschhood. This means taking the high, and sometimes difficult, road. Here are three examples:
A mensch does the right thing—not the easy thing, the expedient thing, the money-saving thing, or the I-can-get-away-with-it thing. Right is right, and wrong is wrong. There absolutely are absolutes in life, and mensches heed and exemplify this truth.
PAY BACK SOCIETY
The third cornerstone of menschhood is paying back society. You could define a mensch as an investor who doesn’t care about capital gains. The kind of gains a mensch does seek is paying back society, not reaping additional money.
This doesn’t mean that a mensch has to be wealthy. In fact, money usually renders a person unmenschionable. (If you ever want to understand what God thinks of money, look at who He gives it to.)
A mensch wants to pay back society for the following kinds of gifts:
There are many “currencies” to use to pay back society. Giving money is only one of them—others include giving time, expertise, and emotional support. Mensches joyfully provide these currencies to others. The key concept is that a mensch pays back—that is, for goodness already received—as opposed to pays forward in expectation of return.
EXERCISE
It is the end of your life. Write down the three things you want people to remember about you:
1.
2.
3.
FAQ
Q. How can I prevent success from going to my head?
A. Death and illness have had a profound effect on me in this regard. Neither cares whether you’re rich, famous, or powerful. And all the riches, fame, and power don’t matter if you’re sick or dead. So when you’re feeling invincible, just remember that you could be gone in a split second, and “richest person in the hospital” and “richest person in the cemetery” are lousy positioning statements.
Q. How can I make sales calls and close business deals without always feeling like I “pulled one over on” the customer?
A. If you’re selling something that the customer needs, you should never feel this way. If you do feel this way, stop selling what you’re selling—or sell it to people who need it.
Q. Isn’t thinking of others and being charitable antithetical to the goal of business—that is, to make money? Won’t a potential investor see this as a sign of someone who is soft or weak or otherwise not an effective business-person?
A. If a potential investor feels this way, it says more about the investor than it says about you. It’s entirely possible to do good and make good. The two are not mutually exclusive. However, don’t assume that your charitable causes are the same as your investors’. And you should be charitable with your own resources, not someone else’s.
Q. What if otherwise helpful and positive me really needs to lash out at someone?
A. This is what an ice rink is for—although I’ve been known to lash out off (and on) the ice a few times myself. (It made the situations worse.) As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to shut up (or not send the e-mail) and walk away.
Q. People are always asking me for my expert advice, but it’s interfering with my ability to get my current job done. What should I do?
A. Write a book and tell everyone to buy it.
RECOMMENDED READING
Halberstam, Joshua. Everyday Ethics: Inspired Solutions to Real-Life Dilemmas. New York: Viking, 1993.