‘Do you fantasise, Jess? Do you imagine what sex is like? Most women do … even virgins, I’m told.’
It was her deepest, darkest secret, apart from actually being a virgin, but to her surprise, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to clear away the baggage of keeping things to herself, and keeping herself to herself. He wasn’t Mr Right. She might not see him again after tonight, but there was some kind of bond between them, and there’d be an even stronger one, if not long-lasting, when she’d given him her virginity.
‘Yes, I do have fantasies,’ she said, surprising herself with the firmness of her voice. A miracle when he was inveigling his clever fingertips back between her sex lips. ‘I … I was a late-starter, what with one thing … ooh … and another …’ Stroking, stroking, stroking, he kept on stroking. ‘But lately, I’ve been fantasising a lot … and … masturbating quite a bit too. More and more as time’s been passing.’ She bit her lip. Oh God, it felt so good, so amazing. Different to when she touched herself, but crazy-crazy-good. ‘I … I thought I’d better make some pleasure for myself because it was beginning to look as if I might have missed the boat, Mr Right-wise.’
‘Well, clearly all the men you’ve met so far must be idiots, or blind or something. How could they not want to seduce a goddess like you?’ His fingertip pushed against her entrance again for a moment, but this time she pushed back against it, lifting her hips. ‘Steady, gorgeous … steady … I’m going to make you come first. At least once. It’ll relax you.’
‘Is that a fact?’ Christ Almighty, she was almost there, especially when he returned his devilish fingers to her clit, resting two against it, then stroking in long, firm, toe-curl-inducing glides.
‘Well, that’s the theory.’ Was there a slight waver in his all-conquering, all-confident façade there? Perhaps not.
‘Actually …’ She gasped, her breath taken by the tingling, singing precursor to pleasure. ‘There have been men who probably wanted to seduce me. But I didn’t want to be seduced.’
‘Until now.’
‘Until now,’ she affirmed, grabbing at him, at his shirt, his arms, fingernails digging in, ‘so consider yourself honoured to be chosen.’ Her hips jerked, jamming her sex against his hand.
‘I do … I do, Jess …’ He looked down on her, his eyes glinting, his lush mouth curved in an arch smile. ‘Now … come for me, gorgeous. Come for me. Give it up for Mr Wrong. For Mr Sex …’
That did it. The laughter, again, tipped her over. Crying out, she soared, her centre rippling and pulsing, her heart on fire. The pleasure seemed to go on and on, buffeting her on a high, ever-peaking wave, before finally casting her ashore … in Ellis’s arms.
Oh my God! She’s amazing!
Cradling Jess in his arms, he hoped that she didn’t notice the fact that he was probably shaking as much as she was.
It was a long time since he’d been with a woman who responded like that. Perhaps even ever. Her body was a natural for pleasure. Her reactions unscripted, and unmodified. She was a seductress without trying or even knowing that working hard at it was a thing.
You’re a lucky man, McKenna. Happening on a peach like this when you were least looking for one. What a special and erotic woman you are, Jess Lockhart.
He stroked her brow, smoothing back her hair. Her forehead was broad, the skin there like cream. Long black lashes kissed her cheeks, veiling her eyes and her emotions, and frustrating his need to know how she felt.
‘You okay, Jess?’ He kissed each cheek, then her brow, running his fingertip along her jawline.
Her eyes snapped open, huge and shimmering, the brown irises like chocolate in crystal.
‘Yes … very okay … thank you.’ Her voice was almost transparent. She was still half out of it, not yet back on earth.
‘Do you want to take a break? Chill a while?’
Please say no! he commanded silently, though he’d known he had to ask. I can’t wait. I want you now. I’m going mad.
It was true. He was. Though he loved sex, and liked it often, he was aware of the superficiality of his relationship with fucking. It was an escape. A release. A pleasure shared with a willing woman, an equal exchange between two consenting partners.
But this … this was different. It was as if he was in an alien land, and though he liked it, that sensation of being a little out of his comfort zone unnerved him.
‘Hell no!’ Jess sat up, shaking him off. ‘I want it all. I’m not a fainting virgin even if I am a virgin and I feel as if I just fainted.’ She gave him piercing look, her beautiful eyes narrowed. ‘I’m not turning back now, and I don’t want to wait. I want to see what it’s all about, and I want to know if you’re as good as you seem to be … Mr Sex.’ Her face crinkled in a grin. ‘I love that. Mr Sex … it’s perfect for you.’ Grabbing at the front of his shirt, she pushed it off his shoulders.
‘All off, eh?’ He affected a stripper’s shimmy. ‘Your wish is my command, beautiful. There’s nothing I’d like more than to get naked with you.’
Divested of his shirt, he slipped to his feet beside the bed and unfastened his trousers. Letting them drop, he stepped out of the pool of dark tailoring, then rested his fingertips at the hem of his jersey trunks. He tried not to grin too much. Jess herself was doing a valiant job of trying not to stare exclusively at his crotch and the way his bulging cock was tenting out his underwear. Her gaze skittered from his chest, to his shoulders, then hurtled down his body at top speed, skating over the critical area.
Then she frowned. ‘What’s wrong with your foot? What are those scars?’
The question surprised him. Even though his left foot occasionally bugged him, he never thought about the scars themselves, and his other lovers had never seemed to mention them.
‘I was born with a club foot. I had to have an operation and it went a bit wrong, so I had to have another and another …’ The pain was a dim memory now, but sometimes there was still a dull ache, and a peculiar sensitivity in the skin of his left foot that felt oh so much better when he went without socks. ‘That’s why I often go sockless when I can … That foot’s a bit sensitive to pressure.’
‘Does it hurt now?’ In spite of everything, there was a sweet and genuine concern in her eyes. For a moment he entertained a mad fantasy of her falling to her knees before him, and smothering the foot in question with kisses, but he pushed it aside. It wasn’t his foot that wanted attention now, it was the area she was still studiously avoiding looking at.
‘Shall I take these off?’ he said, flicking the waistband of his underwear and flashing her his most wolfish grin. ‘There’s nothing in them that should shock you if you’ve done life drawing.’
‘In case it’s slipped your mind, I did say that none of the models I’ve drawn have ever been in quite the state you are!’ Doing a shoulder roll of her own, she slithered completely out of the short kimono. Ellis had to make a fist of his hands, and dig his nails into his palms. It was either that or come in his trunks at the way her lovely breasts moved with the action. Her nipples were dark, and delicately pointed.
‘Well then!’ she said, nodding towards his cock.
He hesitated.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Am I shy all of a sudden?
Ellis was proud of his body. He swam and cycled, and even ran regularly. The issue with his foot actually seemed to benefit from running rather than the opposite. He was in the best shape of his life at the moment, and he knew he wasn’t lacking in the cock department either. So why was he shilly-shallying about with his shorts still on, acting as if he were the virgin, not Jess?
In a swift, rough, less than graceful move, he tugged down his underwear, stepped out of it, and kicked it away.
‘Yikes,’ was all she said, her eyes wide.
‘I hope that’s a good “yikes”,’ he said, settling on the bed beside her, his cock almost touching her thigh.
‘Sort of … but it … you … well, you’re bigger than I was anticipating.’ She was looking at his nether regions now, her eyes wide with an amalgam of curious fascination, and yes, a bit of alarm. ‘You’re definitely bigger than my vibrator and …’ A divinely cute blush was forming over her chest and in her cheeks. ‘Well, that won’t fit …’ She glanced away for a moment. ‘I suppose I should have persevered … but I didn’t.’
A qualm of doubt gripped him. He was going to hurt her, there was no way around that. But he wanted her to feel good. Mostly for her, but a little bit for his own male ego too. He didn’t like to fail.
But you failed Julie. You weren’t there. Maybe you could have saved her and the girls.
The spear of pain shot through him, and for a dark moment, he imagined his cock softening. It didn’t, but he imagined it. Metaphorically, he gave himself a sharp slap across the face. All the more reason to get on with the job in hand; initiating Jess happily into the pleasures of fucking, while drowning himself in sensation at the same time.
‘There’s a difference between a man and an inanimate object. Well, sometimes not a lot, but in this instance some.’ He slid onto the bed beside her, and taking her hand, placed it upon him. ‘The cock is a greedy organ, but if its owner can stay in charge, it can be a well-mannered one too.’
Jess blinked, staring intently at her hand, and at him. She nibbled her lower lip. Ellis nearly howled with desire, her touch was so heavenly. Especially when she very lightly ran her fingertips up and down him.
‘Mm … oh, that’s good, Jess. Just right. Not too strong, not too half-hearted. Are you sure you’ve not handled one of these before?’
‘No. Never.’ Her thumb glided around him, slipping neatly into the groove beneath his glans. Good holy God, oh God, how did she know to do that?
‘Oh yes, you gorgeous girl, yes …’
Girl? No, she wasn’t one really. Just young in delicacy and innocence and sweet instinct.
For a few moments, he let her explore, and try different strokes. It was sublime, but he had to fight an inner battle with himself not to demand more, to thrust through her grip, command her to bring him off and watch the pearls of his semen jet onto her belly. Eventually, he took her hand from him, bringing it to his lips, saluting it with a kiss as he tasted his own flavour on her fingers.
‘I wasn’t too rough, was I?’ She was frowning.
Ellis leant forward and kissed her brow, smoothing the lines. ‘No. It was just right. Perfect. Just how I like it.’ He gently stroked her fingers. ‘And I’m not bullshitting you. I’m not just saying that. I love the way you touch me.’
Was that a line? Maybe just the tiniest. But she was good. She was damned good.
And now he wanted more …
Jess had a feeling that Ellis actually was bullshitting her. But she didn’t mind. She’d choose to believe she’d got it right. It had certainly seemed the way to touch him. She hadn’t had to think about it. Her fingers had just moved almost without conscious direction.
Maybe I am a natural?
Or maybe it was because she had such fabulous material to work with! Such fabulous big material. She couldn’t suppress a shiver.
Ellis cupped her jaw and kissed her again, feathering his tongue against her lips and then pushing it in when she parted them. Him … in her. Just like down below, soon. He kissed her long and deep, thrusting with his tongue, almost as if he was acclimatising her to the idea of penetration.
‘Do you want to try it now?’ he whispered, the breath from the words soughing against her jaw. ‘If you’ve changed your mind, that’s okay. I’ll bring you off again, and then you can do me. That’d be good too.’
‘No! I’ve told you. I want it. I don’t want to wait any more. Now’s the time.’ She laughed, to quell her nervousness. ‘Then when I’m an old lady I’ll be able to scandalise my grandchildren by telling them I had my first ever fuck with a billionaire!’
‘Well, that’ll make for one helluva “you kids today” story,’ he said, looking down on her with a grin, ‘although I must tell you … My family has billions but I’m not sure I’m worth that much as an individual. Well, not all the time …’
‘In that case, you’d better leave. I’m only giving it up for a billionaire!’
Ellis rolled on top of her, kissing her ferociously. ‘Wicked minx … I thought you were after me for my pretty face and my gorgeous body.’
What am I after him for? Am I even after him at all? I just want him …
‘Who says I’m after you specifically? I just want to lose my virginity and you happen to be handy.’ She settled her hand on his cock again, and gasped. Bloody hell, the thing was hotter and harder than ever!
‘Let’s get to it then,’ he growled, lunging at her for another long kiss, and running his hands up and down her body. ‘Do you have any lube? I’m guessing you might, if you’ve been experimenting with your vibrator …’
Yes, she did. ‘There’s some in the drawer, to your right.’
When she’d returned from the bathroom, she’d noticed he’d put condoms on the bedside table, and wondered about the lubricant. It made sense to be as super-slippery as possible.
‘Good girl. That’ll make things so much easier.’ He paused, and to her astonishment, Jess saw that he was blushing ever so slightly. ‘Do you … have you used tampons?’
‘Yes. For years.’
‘Good. That might make things easier too.’
Jess had never expected a cross-questioning, but it was actually reassuring, very reassuring, to be with a man who didn’t seem to want to charge in blindly at her and leave everything to luck. A man who actually seemed far more concerned about her experience than his own.
‘So … you don’t subscribe to the wham, bam, thank you ma’am approach then?’ she asked as he rolled back and pulled open the drawer, twisting to look inside it.
‘That’s for cavemen,’ he pronounced, fishing out the tube in question. ‘I pride myself on being a modern, reconstructed man. Now, open your legs, woman, and let me grease you up!’
Jess giggled. And then gasped and then sighed as he applied the silky goo with delicious, teasing strokes, making the readying into a gorgeous pleasure-feast in itself.
Within a few seconds she was rippling; a mini orgasm, her trembling flesh awash with gel.
‘Good, that’s good,’ he crooned as she wriggled against the mattress, loving the sensations. ‘Now, hold that thought.’ He reached for a condom packet and tore it open.
‘Shall I do that?’ she asked, but he was already rolling the rubber down his length, fitting it carefully.
‘No, baby … Just touch yourself, keep stirring the good feelings.’
In a moment, he was sheathed, and lying against her, the silky-fine rubber of the contraceptive brushing her leg. Sliding his hand down her inner thigh, he parted her legs wide, then, in a graceful move, got between them. His cock lay against her sex, pointing and high, as he kissed her again, and reached down to stroke her pussy.
‘It might hurt,’ he whispered, ‘but not too much I hope. It’ll be better if you can relax, not tense up, not fight me.’ His fingers were right at the heart of her, at her entrance … adjusting himself. ‘Just one good thrust. That’ll be easier than a whole lot of anxious pushing and prodding about.’
‘You say the most romantic things, Mr Sex.’ In spite of the critical moment, she found herself grinning again, and it seemed to take hold of her. She was giggling at life’s absurdity when Ellis jerked his hips and shoved imperiously, entering her body in that one good thrust, swift and confident.
‘Yowch! Ouch!’ It hurt, a keen, sharp and spiky sensation, and yet somehow she was still laughing as he slid in deeply.
‘Sorry … sorry … sorry …’ He was gasping. Panting. Good grief, he was the tense one, not her.
‘No … it’s okay … It hurts a little bit, but it’s okay.’
Ellis held still, inside her, his entire body as rigid as his sex. He was taking his weight on his elbows, so as not to squish her.
‘You’re wonderful,’ he said, the words low and raw against her neck. His face was buried there, his lips against her hair. ‘You feel wonderful. So tight and warm … Oh thank you, Jess, thank you, thank you, thank you.’
Thank you too. Thank you for this. I’m glad it’s you.
It was all strange though. Being part of one joined-together person almost. Minds completely separate, yet bodies as close as two ever were. Suddenly she realised she was shaking, unable to get over the idea that a part of Ellis was inside her. People did this every day, but it was astounding to her, like something she’d just imagined happening that could never be real.
Tears trickled down her cheeks. Not from sadness. She couldn’t even describe what the emotion was, but it overwhelmed her.
‘Oh Jess … hush … hush … It’s all right. I’m here.’
Nonsense words, but immediately she found her calm place again. He was there. Right there. The feeling new and piquant, not yet arousing, but huge with the promise of it. The solid presence of his cock inside her was a grounding somehow, stopping her from flying away in all sorts of mad panic and speculation about what might have been, how things could have been different.
Running her hands down his back and over his buttocks, she embraced him. His body felt strong and fine and warm. She didn’t love him, and he didn’t love her, but he’d been right. He was a good choice for her first man.
As her hands strayed to his bottom again, he made a rough, low sound and pressed his face against her shoulder. God, he was so excited, but he was clearly holding back for her, keeping still, letting her know him rather than rushing ahead.
‘You should probably move,’ she whispered. ‘I … I’m not sure I’ll be able to come. Not this first time … it’s a bit too new for me. But you should.’ She cupped the cheeks of his behind, urging him. ‘You should come. You should enjoy it. I’ll just enjoy the fact that you’re enjoying it.’
Ellis lifted himself up a little, then looked down into her face. He looked thunderstruck almost, and his ocean-dark eyes were suspiciously shiny. ‘You really are the most astonishing woman, Jess. You’re completely amazing, you know that.’ His jaw worked for a moment, as if he were containing great emotion, then he plunged forward, kissing her again, and starting to work his hips.
It still felt odd, a bit uncomfortable, but the real pain had gone, or at least backed down a notch or two, buried in the sensation of him sliding to and fro, filling her, then retreating, filling her, then retreating. Jess tightened her hold on him; he was her rock in a wild new physical world. It was impossible to quantify how she was feeling, but in and amongst the strangeness there was a quality of nurturing. There was something about him that wasn’t quite the all-conquering hero, and she sensed that it confused him, and that it wasn’t his usual experience … and she wanted to make him feel better, just as he was trying to make things as good as he could for her.
‘Don’t hold back,’ she urged again, rising to his thrusts as a little thread of pleasure made its presence known amongst the twinges of soreness. Could she get there? Probably not. It was all too momentous. But she saw in that moment how the next time could be. And the next …
Not speaking, Ellis moved more urgently, sliding a hand beneath her, cupping her buttocks, tilting her so he could get in deep. His breathing quickened to ragged gasps, and the way he plunged gathered momentum, his hips bucking hard.
Buffeted, she clung on tight. He was fierce, but she sensed he didn’t want to be, that he was still trying for self-control. In a moment of instinct she gripped his bottom harder, her fingertips exerting pressure on the slopes of his cleft.
‘Oh God … Oh God.’
That was it. The tipping point. Almost growling, Ellis went rigid in her arms, then powered into her in one, two, three … a succession of primal shoves. When he stilled again, in far deeper than she’d thought would be possible, she imagined she felt a ripple deep inside her. Not her own body, but his, semen pulsing in the condom.
Again the ghost of pleasure stirred, perhaps from that more profound intimacy, but it just wasn’t close enough, not without grinding herself against him, and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to change anything about the moment.
And despite the intimacy, she had an uncanny sense that somehow, he wasn’t quite with her.
The return to rational thought was almost painful, full of confusion.
What’s the matter with me? I’ve just fucked the most lovely woman. A beautiful, wonderful generous woman who’s given me something rare and precious as well as the most astounding pleasure. Why do I feel as if I want to sob like a baby?
It was because of Julie, the presence that never went away. The wife he still loved. She’d been a virgin on their first night together, and Ellis had been with no other virgin before or since … until now.
I’ve betrayed her.
The thought didn’t make sense, and he could almost hear his late wife laughing fondly at him, and telling him not to be idiotic because she wanted him to be happy again and take pleasure in sex, because it was natural and good.
But still he felt the guilt. Not just over Julie, but over Jess too, because he was also betraying her, by thinking of another woman even while he was still inside her.
No more though. He’d taken what she’d freely given him, and now it behoved him to give to her in return. Even in the madness of his own orgasm, he’d been well aware that she hadn’t shared it with him.
Not to mention the fact that he was still sprawled on top of her, flaked out, and he was probably crushing her.
‘Are you all right, Jess?’ he asked, levering himself off her. God, his voice sounded weird, as if he’d just been turned and tumbled inside an industrial rock-breaker.
‘Yes … I’m okay. I’m fine.’ Her voice sounded feathery though, as if indeed she’d been struggling to breathe while he’d lain on her.
‘But you didn’t come, sweetheart.’ Hauling in a breath himself, to clear his head, he came up on his elbow and looked down upon her. She was lying with her eyes closed, her limbs spread akimbo on the bed, her lips parted, chest lifting.
Oh God, she looked divine. A primal rogue male urge powered through him. His post-coital tristesse was speeding away now, and hell, he was Mr Sex again. If he hadn’t just come a few moments ago … The spirit was already aroused, even if the flesh needed a minute or two to recover.
You’re disgusting, McKenna.
And yet the natural urge soothed him. It was healthy. It was good. And ignoring it and wracking himself with guilt certainly wasn’t. No amount of breast-beating, hair-tearing and sackcloth wearing would bring Julie and Annie and Lily back, and they’d have been the first ones to remind him of that fact.
Jess was the one who mattered here and now. He laid his fingers lightly over her lips, blocking in the words, It’s all right. I don’t need to come.
‘Before you say it … I think you do need to come, darling.’ He leant forward and kissed her lips. ‘You were getting there, weren’t you? Despite having your virginity stolen from you by a ravaging horny beast.’ He kissed her again, feeling himself on surer ground, sexual playfulness. ‘You’re a natural sensualist, Jess. I can tell. And if you’ll let me, I’ll give you another orgasm to prove it.’
Her eyes snapped open, and what he saw in them made him want to cheer. She was right there with him. Her expression became sultry and she licked her lower lip.
‘If you must,’ she said … in the arch and husky tones of a practised seductress.
‘I must!’ he countered, sliding his fingers into the heat and silky wetness of her sex.
Jess knew she was right. He had gone away from her somehow in the moments after his climax. But in the moment after that, he’d come right back, and focused solely on her well-being. Slowly and sweetly, he’d coaxed her into another orgasm … and another. Even when she’d wanted to stop him because she’d caught sight of a little blood smeared on his fingertips.
Now, in the aftermath, while she waited for Ellis to emerge from the bathroom, she could only think of the leaving. She didn’t want him to leave, but she knew he would. This was no tender dawn of a new relationship between two fated lovers. Nothing with a future. He’d had that before with the wife he’d adored and lost.
When he reappeared, he’d climb into his clothes and he’d be gone. In all likelihood she’d never see him again. Unable to watch him go, she rolled over in bed, facing the wall, and pretended to sleep. He could let himself out, slip the key through the letterbox and hi ho Silver, away!
The door opened quietly, and she tensed so hard that every muscle ached, including the ones that had seemed to receive their first ever workout tonight. Her body felt odd, bits of her vaguely displaced, as if when Ellis had withdrawn he’d somehow left a ghost behind.
Don’t be daft. Now just stay still. Let him go graciously. Don’t be whiny and clingy.
Footsteps padded across the room, and then, to her astonishment, she felt colder air on her back as Ellis lifted the covers and climbed into bed beside her, moving up against her. He was wearing his jersey boxer briefs, and he wasn’t erect, but he was in bed with her.
‘Um … what are you doing?’ she asked in a small voice, irrationally feeling that if she spoke too loud she might spook him and he’d jump out of bed again.
‘I thought I’d stay for a while,’ he said, draping an arm companionably along her flank. ‘It seems a bit callous to shag and run. Especially when you’re new to all this. I thought you might like a bit of company until you go to sleep … unless you’d prefer me to clear off, that is?’
No!
‘No, it’s all right. Do stay. I’d like that.’
‘Good. I feel a bit sleepy. I always do after good sex.’ He adjusted his position in the bed, giving the pillow at his side a bit of a punch. ‘I’ll slip away before dawn though. Don’t want to embarrass you with your house-mate.’
‘She’ll see the strange car. She’ll know there’s someone here.’
‘You don’t think she’ll mind, do you?’ His body was so warm against her, and glorious. Not in a sexual way now, although she knew it wouldn’t take much to stir that. Just companionable. Something she realised she’d yearned for, and hoped for, just as much she’d anticipated losing her virginity.
‘No. Not at all. She’ll probably be thrilled that I’ve finally brought a man home.’
‘Does she know you were a virgin?’ Jess could sense curiosity in him, and she wasn’t surprised. She had been a phenomenon, a rarity, hanging on to her hymen quite so long.
‘We’ve never discussed it, but I’m sure she’s suspected it.’ A blush rose in her cheeks, just at the thought.
‘Will you tell her?’
‘I really don’t know. I’ll see. I’ll see if she asks about the car tomorrow.’
There was something about Ellis’s strangely non-threatening presence that soothed her though. She’d face Cathy when she had to face her. Now, Jess realised that she was tired, dog tired, despite everything. She wanted to sleep, and maybe just pretend for a while that Ellis was Mr Right, here with her. It was nonsense of course, and she knew she must be ultra-careful not to let her mind and her heart go that way. He might be staying for a little while, but he would go soon. And go for good.
Glad of her weariness, and surrendering to it, and to the heat of Ellis’s body against her, she pushed away the bitter pang that thought provoked.