Chapter 11

“Looking better today.” Flynn’s gaze missed nothing when Lara greeted him at the door just over twenty-four hours later.

He still thought that was why she’d put him off. “Thanks.” She was wearing makeup and clean jeans, a white shirt, and crystal-studded flip-flops; done up but not too done up. “Shall we go?”

“Not inviting me in?”

“No.” Not yet, especially not with Gigi currently hiding out in the kitchen. Lara closed the front door behind her and said, “Let’s go somewhere quiet, shall we? Where we can talk.”

They drove to a pub down by the river and sat at a table in the garden away from the other drinkers. There were butterflies dancing around the flower-filled hanging baskets and more in Lara’s stomach as she twiddled the stem of her wineglass. Giving Flynn the news in writing had seemed too much of a cop-out, but doing it face to face was going to be terrifying. She had no idea how he might react.

“By the way, I haven’t spoken to Joel,” said Flynn.

“Good.”

“Are you OK?” He was watching her closely, which didn’t help.

“Yes, thanks.”

“You’re different today.”

“I know.” Lara attempted levity. “I’m much cleaner. Less dusty. And my foot’s stopped bleeding.”

“Not that kind of different. Yesterday you were in a panic. Tonight you’re nervous.”

“Yes.” She nodded in agreement.

“I’m trying to work out why.”

Time to get this done. Prevaricating wasn’t going to make it any easier. “Right, brace yourself.” Could he hear her knees juddering beneath the table? “I have a daughter.” She forced herself to look him straight in the eye. “And so do you.”

Silence.

Silence.

More silence.

Finally Flynn said, “You’re serious.”

Lara stopped twirling the glass stem; what kind of person did he think she was? “It isn’t the sort of thing you say as a joke.”

He nodded slowly, then exhaled. “Sorry. Just taking it in. And that’s the reason you left?”

“I left because my father kicked me out.”

“Because you were pregnant.”

“No, he didn’t know. I didn’t tell him.”

“You didn’t tell me either. Jesus.” Flynn picked up his drink then put it down again, untouched. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t even know for sure, not then. And I wanted to tell you,” said Lara. “Do you remember that last night? We were talking for so long that I missed my bus home. I kept trying to say it but you were so excited about your skiing trip. You were going on about the competitions, stepping up the training in the Alps, maybe getting picked for the British team… it was all you could talk about.”

He spread his hands. “Because I didn’t know. You still should have told me.”

“I know, but that’s easier said than done. And then there was the thing with Danny Cole.” Danny had been a couple of years older, a fellow skier and rising star whose plans for the future had been scuppered in similar fashion a matter of months earlier. “Everyone acted as if it was his girlfriend’s fault, d’you remember that? They said that she’d ‘got herself pregnant.’” Lara emphasized the words that at the time had replayed themselves endlessly in her head. “You said she’d wrecked his life and he should never have got involved with her in the first place. You also said she’d done it on purpose.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Oh yes you did. Believe me.”

Flynn shook his head. “God. I shouldn’t have. But you know something? About her doing it on purpose, it turned out I was right.”

“Well, I can promise you, I didn’t.”

“Sorry. Of course not. Carry on.”

She took a steadying breath. “Anyway, I got home late and my father and Janice went ballistic. They told me to get out. If I hadn’t been pregnant I would have come to your house. But I thought I probably was, so I couldn’t. And I was desperate, so desperate you can’t begin to imagine. All I knew was that I had to get away. So I went up to Keswick and landed on Aunt Nettie’s doorstep. She took me in,” said Lara. “She was brilliant.”

“And you had our daughter.” Flynn’s dark eyes flashed with indecipherable emotion. “What’s her name?”

“Gigi.” She silently dared him to make some disparaging comment; the moment Nettie had told her that Gigi had been her mum’s nickname as a young girl, she’d known it was the name she’d choose.

He didn’t. “I’m assuming you didn’t have her adopted.”

“The doctor suggested adoption, but I couldn’t have done it. Luckily I had Nettie on my side.”

A muscle was flickering in Flynn’s jaw. He rubbed the flat of his hand over it. “And where is she now?”

“Back at the house. Waiting to find out if you’d like to meet her.”

After a moment, Flynn said, “That was why you were so jumpy yesterday. I’d turned up without warning. Was she there then too?”

“Evie had taken her out to pick up takeout. But they were due back at any minute. It wouldn’t have been fair.”

“What’s she like?”

“Beautiful. Perfect.” Just saying it caused Lara to swell with pride; it never failed to astound her that she had managed to produce such an amazing human being. To be fair, she added, “In a bossy kind of way. Your daughter’s no shrinking violet.”

He smiled briefly. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“And your hands are the same.” She indicated his long, tanned fingers. “Well, hers are smaller. Look, I’ve got a couple of photos if you—”

“No, don’t.” Flynn stopped her unfastening her bag. “I’ve missed eighteen years; I think that’s long enough. Why don’t we go back there now, and I can see for myself?”

***

It took them less than ten minutes to drive back to the house. Lara called ahead and let them know they were on their way. When they pulled in through the gates, Gigi was waiting for them on the doorstep.

“Oh my God.” Flynn narrowly missed crashing into the yew hedge. “Look at her. This is unbelievable.”

Lara suspected he wasn’t the type to cry, but for a moment it was close. He drank in the sight of his daughter, then took a deep breath and climbed out of the car.

“Hi,” said Gigi.

Flynn nodded fractionally. “Hi.”

“Well, this is kind of exciting, isn’t it? And kind of scary. In fact, I can’t quite work out how it feels.” Gigi hesitated, then stretched out her hand to shake his. “And you haven’t had enough time to begin to work out how you feel. So I think we should just do this for now.”

Taken aback, Flynn said, “OK.”

They shook hands. “That’s a good handshake,” Gigi said approvingly. “I hate it when people do painful ones, don’t you? When they, like, squeeze your knuckles really hard. And I hate dead-fish ones too. But yours is fine. Anyway, I’ve also decided we should only have half an hour tonight. So we don’t run out of things to say. How does that sound?”

He hesitated. “I’m not sure. But if that’s what you want, I’ll go along with it.”

“You don’t mind me doing all this, being in charge?”

“Go ahead.” Flynn half smiled. “Your mother warned me you were bossy.”

“Mum!”

Lara shrugged. “What did you want me to tell him? That you’re incredibly shy?”

They went and sat in the back garden. “If you’d rather be on your own,” Lara offered, “I can leave you for a bit.”

“No, Mum, stay. It’s fine. Anyway,” said Gigi, “I think he’s still in a state of shock. He’s only been a father for about twenty minutes.”

Good. Lara wanted to stay. Seeing the two of them together for the first time was causing her heart to twist with emotion.

It was also fascinating being able to compare their physical differences and similarities in real life rather than in her mind. Their hairlines were the same, there were the hands too of course, and they were both lean, long-legged, and athletic. Gigi had undoubtedly inherited her sporty genes from Flynn; last year she had run a marathon. She also played a mean game of tennis.

“So.” Gigi was gazing intently at her father; was she thinking the same thing? “How shall we do this? Do you want to ask questions or shall I just start telling you about myself?”

“Asking questions sounds good,” said Flynn. “We can take it in turns.”

“Great, because I’ve got loads. And I know they really should be in order but they won’t be, because I’ll get muddled up. I actually did make a list,” Gigi went on. “I spent ages writing them all down. But Mum said if I sat there barking questions at you, it would be like a job interview.”

Although when you stopped to think about it, it kind of was a job interview. Lara kept quiet.

“I think we should just start,” said Flynn. “And we’ll see how we go, shall we? We’ve only got half an hour, after all.”

“OK.” Gigi cleared her throat. “Do you love lists?”

If he was startled, he hid it well. “Love? No.”

“Oh. That’s a shame. But to be honest, I think they’re more of a girl thing.”

“My turn,” said Flynn. “Do you ski?”

“Do you know what? It’s something I’ve never tried. But I can ice-skate.” Gigi’s silver-gray eyes shone. “I’m good at loads of different sports. I could ski, I’m sure of it. I bet I’d be brilliant.”

Flynn broke into a smile. “And have you always been this cripplingly modest?”

“I’m just being honest. If I’m rubbish at something I’ll tell you that too. My turn again,” said Gigi impatiently. “OK, first impressions. How am I doing so far?”

“Pretty good. Are you fishing for compliments?”

She grinned. “Probably. Have you got any other children?”

He shook his head. “Evie’s told you about me, hasn’t she? No other children.”

“Just double-checking. Why not?”

“Never met the right person to have them with, I suppose.”

That hurt. Never met the right person? Lara knew he meant once he was old enough to contemplate having children, but it was still wounding to hear him say the words.

“How about you?” said Flynn. “I’ve just found out I have a daughter. Are you about to tell me I’m a grandfather?”

“Noooo! Eurgh, no way.” Gigi shook her head emphatically. “Babies smell. I’ve just done my A-levels. This is my gap year, then next year I’m off to uni. Anyway,” she added, “I don’t even have a boyfriend at the moment. I did, but we broke up.”

“Why?”

“Well, basically because he was a complete idiot who started telling me I shouldn’t wear short skirts or talk to other boys even when they were just friends I’d been to school with for years. Getting all jealous and possessive, that’s just crazy. It’s such a loser thing to do. So I told him it was over.”

Flynn gave a nod of approval. “Good for you.”

“I know. He’s going out with someone else now. She does everything he tells her to do. Go on then, what was your last girlfriend like?”

Lara saw the flicker of a smile at Gigi’s bluntness. “Truthfully? She didn’t last long. She was very nice. Intelligent, kind to small animals, knew how to use a knife and fork… close to perfect.”

“Except?”

“She thought she was perfect too. And she wasn’t,” Flynn said drily. “She had no sense of humor.”

“What, none at all?”

“Not an iota. I didn’t know that was possible, kept waiting for it to appear.” He shrugged. “But it couldn’t because it didn’t exist.”

“Good job you got rid of her then. Have you had many girlfriends?”

“I’ve had my share. I hope you aren’t expecting me to count them,” said Flynn. “Which A-levels did you take?”

“Psychology. Math. French.”

“Well done.”

“You don’t know if I passed them yet.”

“Did you pass them?”

“Yes.”

“What grades?”

Lara waited, secretly bursting with pride; they’d only received the results the other day. Thrilled to have done so well, Gigi had screamed and hugged her and she in turn had cried maternal tears of joy.

And now, for the first time, Gigi was able to share the news with her father. Pretending to be completely laid-back about it, she said casually, “AAB,” then flushed with pleasure when Flynn, evidently impressed, said “Bloody hell, that’s brilliant. Really well done.”

“Thanks.” Gigi beamed, then leaned forward. “So, can you ice-skate?”

Lara went inside and made cups of tea. In the living room, Evie was watching TV.

“How’s it going?”

“Great. They don’t need me at all. I feel like a spare part.”

“Stay here then. Leave them to it.”

“I think I will. Gigi’s set a time limit, anyway. Another twenty minutes and then he’s out of here.”

“Why?” said Evie.

“It’s so they don’t run out of things to say.”