Chapter 14

The flat she was no longer going to be living in was in Bannerdown, on the top floor of a modern complex. In truth, Evie had never loved it; having bought it brand new five years earlier, Joel had furnished and decorated the place in typical minimalist man-style. The gray suede sofa had never known cushions, electronic gadgets took priority and he had only bought items that were useful. Aesthetics simply weren’t Joel’s priority. When Evie had attempted to introduce candles and framed photos, he’d reacted with actual bafflement.

It would always have been Joel’s flat; she was able to admit that now. Even after moving in, she would never have been able to completely relax. Especially not on that hard, angular gray sofa.

The visitor feeling was strong as Evie fitted her key into the lock. The flat smelled faintly of curry, bleach, and Joel’s aftershave. She keyed in the code for the burglar alarm and made her way through to the kitchen. Everything was clean and tidy. Like a nosy burglar, she checked the bin. What was she expecting to see, a jaunty stash of empty champagne bottles? Or a pile of sad little baked bean tins? There were neither. Nor did the fridge give much away: a carton of milk, a couple of cans of lager, some dolcelatte cheese, a packet of bacon, and a bottle of freshly squeezed orange juice that had been there for weeks. The use-by date was the end of July; prod it and it might explode.

OK, move on. The living room was tidy too. It looked as masculine and stark as it always had. Evie went on through to the bedroom and stood beside the neatly made bed. Had he brought the hair and makeup girl—Kirsty—back here? Had other heads lain on her pillow since the day of the wedding? Unable to help herself, she picked up the pillow and smelled it. But no, it had been freshly laundered. Joel employed a cleaning lady to take care of all the mundane chores.

They’d been changed yesterday, though. And his own pillowcase, the one on the right, smelled of him. Despite everything, the scent exerted an emotional pull. When you’d adored someone for so many years, you couldn’t delete that ingrained Pavlovian reaction overnight. Evie buried her face in Joel’s soft squashy pillow and inhaled deeply. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes. She’d done the brave thing but she still loved him. And if you believed his parents, he still loved her. If it hadn’t been for bloody Kirsty she’d be Mrs. Evie Barber by now. For better or for worse. And maybe he wouldn’t have been the best husband in the world but you couldn’t say he wasn’t good-looking and charming—

Oh God, door.

Darting back in fright, Evie threw the pillow onto the bed so recklessly it cartwheeled and bounced off the other side. She raced round to grab it and cracked her shin on the bottom corner. Ow, that hurt. Gasping in pain she then launched herself at the pillow on the floor, threw it back on the bed, and saw it completely overshoot again.

Basketball had never been her forte.

It was too late now anyway. Joel had found her.

“What are you doing?” He was gazing at the pillows.

OK, what would Madonna do? Tell the truth, presumably.

Then again, maybe she didn’t always have to emulate Madonna.

“I was looking at the labels on the pillows. I want to buy some the same and I couldn’t remember if they were goose down or duck down.”

Well, what was she supposed to say, that she’d been breathing in the smell of him and getting all emotional?

“And what are they?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t have a chance to look.” Evie reached for the pillow still on the bed and hastily rummaged around inside the pillowcase. “Right, here’s the label. White Hungarian goose down… OK, got it.”

Joel hesitated. “Were you… sniffing them?”

“What? No! God, why would I want to do that?”

“I don’t know.” He gestured helplessly. “I’m so sorry. About everything.”

“You’ve already told me that.” She tensed her stomach muscles, pulled them in. “Anyway, I thought you were at work.”

“I canceled my appointments and came straight over. I’ve missed you.”

What was he expecting her to do? Fall into his arms sobbing and tell him she’d missed him too?

OK, but this was proving harder than she’d thought. Now that he was actually standing before her, being apologetic and looking so wounded, she could feel herself start to weaken. Maybe it was the pheromones in the pillow.

Stop it, don’t let it happen.

Evie forced herself to get a grip. “How’s Kirsty?”

“What? I have no idea.” Joel shook his head and looked pained. “I told you, she didn’t mean anything.”

“She obviously thought you did.”

“Well, she shouldn’t have. She knew I was marrying you. I finished with her, that’s what she couldn’t handle. Because that’s the thing,” Joel protested, “it all happened before the wedding. Once we were married, I wouldn’t have done anything behind your back. Don’t you see? That would have been the cut-off point. I swear on my life, once we’d said our vows I’d have been completely faithful.”

“Well, that’s very… generous of you. But it’s kind of beside the point,” said Evie. “We were together. The whole idea of being in a relationship is that you’re faithful all the way through. Before you get married as well as after. Anyway, I don’t know why I need to explain this. It’s completely irrelevant now. We’re not getting back together, so why are we even having this conversation?”

“We could get back together,” said Joel. “If you wanted to.”

Evie was taken aback; this wasn’t something she’d anticipated. “Why would I want to? Why would you? Didn’t I publicly humiliate you?”

“Yes, you did. And I deserved it. I’m taking the blame for everything.”

“Good! Glad to hear it! Because it was your fault!”

“But I know now. How much I love you. More than before.” Joel moved toward her. “I love it that it mattered that much to you. OK, I’ll say this now: I always thought you knew when things happened in the past, but you pretended you didn’t.”

Her stomach did a little flip. “You mean other girls?”

“Yes! But I never started it. They made the first moves. I just went along with it… and I thought you were OK with that, because you never said anything. So if you weren’t bothered anyway, what would be the point of turning them down? It was like you were giving me permission, so long as I was discreet. I swear to God”—Joel raked his fingers through his hair—“I thought you didn’t mind.”

“Well, guess what?” said Evie. “I did. I really did.”

“I know that now.” He paused. “I wouldn’t do it again. Ever.”

“I’m taking my things.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I’m going to.” Did he seriously imagine she’d forgive him on the spot?

“Mum and Dad would be so pleased if we got back together, you know how much they love you.”

“They love me whether we’re together or not. I’m starting back at work tomorrow.”

“You are? That’s great.” He gave her a poor-me look. “You can’t imagine the hard time they’ve been giving me since the wedding.”

“I can imagine. They’ve told me.”

“And where are you staying?”

“With Lara.”

“The one you disappeared with? The one who went out with Flynn years ago? I thought she lived somewhere up north.”

You see, this was Joel all over. She’d told him before the wedding that Lara was going to be moving back to Bath, but it hadn’t filtered through. Basically, the information hadn’t been interesting enough for him to pay attention.

“She did. Now she’s back.” Evie didn’t add, “With Flynn’s daughter.” It was up to Flynn to make that item of news public.

“And this Lara, she’s single? I don’t want her being a bad influence on you, taking you out on the town…” Joel was actually looking worried now.

“It’s not a matter of what you want.” It gave her a thrill to say it. Evie shook her head, relishing the sensation of being in control.

“We aren’t together anymore. I can go out and do whatever I like.”

“You won’t though, will you?” He searched her face, surveying her intently. “You’re not the type.”

“Then again, you wouldn’t have thought I was the type to call off the wedding.”

“True.” He smiled sadly, his gaze locked on her face. “God, Evie, you’ve turned me into a laughingstock. I should really hate you for that. But I don’t. I just can’t make myself do it.”

“Maybe because you know you deserve it. Anyway, we don’t have to hate each other. Seeing as I’m working for your parents, it’s better if we don’t.”

There was silence for a couple of seconds, then Joel nodded. “You’re right. Again. Come here.” He took a step toward her, opening his arms and using the tone of voice she knew well. It was his “hey-I’ve-been-naughty-but-I’ve-said-I’m-sorry-and-now-it’s-time-for-you-to-forgive-me” voice.

And it would have been so easy—and so lovely—to just relax and let it happen. Not doing it felt like forcing a cranky old gearbox into reverse.

“No thanks. I just want to collect my things and go.”

Joel’s hands fell to his sides. He said with admiration, “You’re amazing. I deserved that. But we can be friends, can’t we?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“And don’t forget, I still love you. More than ever now.”

“Just friends is enough.” Evie was being outwardly brave, but inside she was in turmoil.

“It’s not enough for me. But it’ll do for a start.” Joel conceded the point with one of his winning, heart-melting smiles. “Just so you know, though, I’m going to do everything I can to win you back.”

***

On his way back from a meeting with a major client in Kelston, Flynn encountered a backlog of traffic that had ground to a standstill on Newbridge Hill. Switching on the radio, he learned that there had been an accident on Windsor Bridge Road and central Bath was in a state of gridlock.

Luckily, it had been his last appointment of the day. On the down side, he wasn’t going to get home any time soon. Instead, diverting to the left, he made his way to Victoria Park.

It was six o’clock in the evening, still sunny and warm. Families were queuing at the ice-cream van as Flynn left the car and made his way past them into the park. After last night he should be dropping with exhaustion but, if he were back at the flat now, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. All day, this morning’s furious argument with Lara had been replaying itself on a loop in his head.

It was a situation that clearly needed to be sorted out. And he may as well do it here, in the park they’d spent so much time in as teenagers.

Hands in pockets, he followed the path leading toward the wooden bridge over the pond. This was where he and Lara had liked to come and watch the ducks.

Lara, Lara. God, the last couple of days had been utterly surreal. This morning he had said some things he probably shouldn’t have said. And so had she. Their emotions had got the better of them and they had got carried away. Which hadn’t been ideal, and he was regretting it now. It was like happy families being visited by tragedy; when a child died, instead of clinging together and supporting each other, the parents found themselves grieving alone, taking their anger out on each other, and eventually breaking up. It was a statistical probability, he knew that.

But this was the opposite scenario. Lara was back and he had gained a daughter, which was unbelievably amazing. He was a father. And Gigi was amazing too. This was no tragedy; it was a good-news story. Pretty much the best news possible.

And yes, Lara had been wrong to deprive him of his daughter for the last eighteen years, but she hadn’t done it to punish him, he knew that. She’d thought she was making a sensible decision. It hadn’t been a malicious one.

He could appreciate that now. Resting his forearms on the bridge’s wooden balustrade, Flynn gazed down at the water. Sunlight bounced off the ripples created by a surge of activity from the ducks as an overexcited small boy hurled an entire loaf’s worth of bread slices into the water, all in one go.

He’d missed out on all those precious duck-feeding years with Gigi.

“Oh, Darren, you big wally,” wailed the small boy’s older sister. “You’re supposed to do them one at a time!”

“Ow!” Darren howled, as she gave him a shove and knocked him over. Grabbing a handful of stones, he flung them at his sister, who let out a scream when one of them hit her in the face.

“OK, you two, that’s enough.” Their exasperated mother dragged them apart. “If you can’t be nice, we’re going home.”

“I want to go home! He’s used up all the bread and now there’s none left for me! Darren, you are a PIG!” bellowed his sister.

Flynn watched them leave. Maybe duck-feeding wasn’t always as idyllic as it was cracked up to be.

Anyway, he and Lara had hopefully got the worst of the anger out of their systems now, for two reasons. Because, as Gigi’s parents, it was going to help if they were on speaking terms.

As for the second reason… well, it was pretty simple. Lara was back in Bath, back in his life. And seeing her again had only proved what he’d always suspected.

He’d never got over her. Nor had anyone else ever managed to match up. Crazy though it sounded, she appeared to have been the love of his life. God knows, he’d tried to replace her and, over the years, there’d been plenty of willing candidates, but the chemistry that had bound them together had never been equaled. When Lara had looked at him with those thickly lashed, gunmetal silver eyes, she just knew him, and vice versa. They had shared something he couldn’t even begin to explain.

And, all these years later, that feeling was still there.

A pair of swans had sailed out from under the bridge now, to investigate the remains of the bread. As Flynn watched them, a small dog on a leash brushed against the back of his trouser leg.

“Alfie, stop it. I’m so sorry… oh, Flynn, I didn’t realize it was you! Hello!”

Her name was Nerys and she was a retired piano teacher who had been friendly with his parents before they had both died. Still elegant in her late seventies, she was walking her Jack Russell.

“Nerys, how nice to see you again. You’re looking very well.” He greeted her with a kiss. She and his mother had shared a passion for music and had often attended the opera together.

“Well enough, I suppose, dear. Touch of arthritis, but I can’t complain. Better than being dead, I suppose.” She gave him a bright smile tinged with sympathy. “I do miss your ma and pa. You must too.”

Flynn nodded; they had gone within weeks of each other, first his mother succumbing to cancer, then his father to a heart attack. It had happened four years ago now.

“It’s a blessing they went as close together as they did. Like a pair of swans, they were.” Nerys matter-of-factly indicated the swans on the water. “Find the right partner and that’s it for life. Romantic.” She paused and surveyed him with interest. “And how about you, dear? Settled down yet?”

“Not yet.” Flynn smiled briefly.

“Taking your time, eh? Nothing wrong with that, did the same myself. Don’t worry, it’ll happen.” Giving Alfie’s leash a tug and preparing to move on, Nerys said cheerily, “When you meet the right one, you’ll know.”

When she’d gone, Flynn stayed where he was for a while longer and watched the activity on the pond as the last of the sodden bread disappeared.

Like it or not, Lara appeared to be his swan. The question now was, would he turn out to be hers?

At the moment, there was no way of knowing.

One thing was decided, though. He would forgive her, but he wouldn’t grovel.

From now on, everything that had gone before was water under the bridge.