21. Time Trials …Where Does Their Time Go?
I firmly believe that all good organizing starts with time management. If you are constantly running in several directions, and you never know what tomorrow will bring, then how can you possibly plan to get your life in order? The same is true for children. Today, so many children are overscheduled with music lessons, sports, and other extracurricular activities. Is it any wonder that sports equipment, books, and clothing get thrown on the floor as children come home and head out for the next things on their schedules?
Michael is the youngest of five children in a very active household. He plays multiple sports including baseball, basketball, and soccer. He also is involved in Boy Scouts. One day his mother (or chauffeur, as she often feels) picked him up from school, and as many mothers do, she rattled off what had to happen that afternoon. “When we get home you've got to do your homework, eat dinner, and get changed for your game,” she told him. So Michael did as he was told, but after running up to his room he discovered he needed a little more information. He yelled downstairs, “Mom! What uniform do I put on?” His schedule was so full that he didn't know which game he was going to!
If you don't want your children to be stressed out and always rushing, you have to take control of their schedules when they are young so they can do this for themselves as they grow into adulthood.
To begin the process of organizing your child's schedule, let's take a snapshot of how she spends her time now. The following is a sample of a weekly time sheet. A blank template is available in the appendix.
It's beneficial to complete this chart with your child. If you are trying to organize more than one child at the same time, give each child his or her own chart and individually fill out the chart with each child.
In the column marked morning, jot down anything your child does before school starts. Some possibilities are: practicing an instrument, physical therapy, going to the gym with Mom or Dad, getting dropped off at a neighbor's house, and walking the dog. Write it down whether it's something they have to do or something they just like to do. It all depends on your family situation. Children with learning disabilities may do rhythmic writing to prepare them for the school day ahead, and children who live on a farm may do their chores before school. Many children just get up and get ready for school.
In the midday slot you will most likely fill in “school,” but again there may be special cases where your child is not in school every day. You also need to account for their time on the weekend. Do they have athletic events on the weekend? Do they attend religious services with the family?
| MORNING | MIDDAY | AFTER SCHOOL | EVENING | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Monday | Watched TV 8–8:30 | School 8:30-4 | Karate 5–6 | Homework 6:30–7:30 Watched TV 7:30–8:30 |
| Tuesday | Watched TV 8–8:30 | School 8:30-4 | Played outside until 5 |
Homework 6:30–7:30
Watched TV 7:30-9 |
| Wednesday | Played outside 8–8:30 | School 8:30-4 | Karate 5–6 | Homework 7–8 |
| Thursday | Video games 8–8:30 | School 8:30-4 | Watched TV 4–5 | Homework 6:30–7:30 |
| Friday | School 8:30-4 | Went to friends until 6 | Out to dinner with family until 8 | |
| Saturday | Watched TV 9–10 Cleaned room 10–11 | Walked the dog | Played with friends 1–5 | Watched a movie 7–9 |
| Sunday | Church 10–11 | Played inside 12-2 | School project 2–4 | Watched TV 7–8:30 |
Next fill in all after-school activities, whether they are planned or not. If your child does not have scheduled after-school activities, then just write down what she did in the last week to get an idea of a typical week.
The evening slot is for anything that happens between dinner and bedtime. Again, if nothing is scheduled at that time, just write down whether your child is doing homework, watching TV, playing with friends, etc.
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here. You just want to get an accurate picture of how your child spends her time. If you think that your child may be opposed to this idea, you may want to play detective and just observe for a week, making your own notes on the time sheet. Make sure that you don't encourage your child to change what she is doing during this week. If she is watching TV, don't say, “Why don't you practice your violin?” That would be distorting the picture. Just write it down, and bite your tongue.
Sitting down to look at a weekly time sheet can be an eye-opening experience for both children and adults. Even if you're not working on your own time management skills, it might be a good idea to do a time sheet for yourself and share that with your child. Just look at it and talk about whether there are any surprises. Talk about what's missing from the time sheet. No chores? No outside play? Too much time on video games or the Internet? Noticing these things will give you ideas for how you and your child might make better use of your time.
Now switch your focus away from how your child is spending her time now, to how she would like to spend her time. You can do this by simply asking her, What do you like to do first thing in the morning before school? After school? In the evening? At the bottom of the weekly time sheet or on small sticky notes, write down what your child says. With younger children it may come out in this way, “I never get to play with my friends after school.” Or an older child might say, “I'd like to get a part-time job so I can afford a car.” Or they might say, “My friend takes ballet, I wish I could do that.” Assure them that you will consider their interests when coming up with an ideal schedule, but you also have to consider the rest of the family. If they have free time, then this is a lot easier. If they are booked, then ask these questions: What activities do you want to continue doing? What activities can we drop or postpone? Of course there may be some activities that are non-negotiable like religious instruction or tutoring, for example. Let your child know what these activities are so they are not up for discussion. Right now you are just brainstorming and making a list of how she would like to spend her time.
Make another list of activities the child needs to be doing if these activities did not appear on her time sheet. Again, you may want to put each activity on a sticky note or jot it at the bottom of the time sheet. Is the child spending enough time on schoolwork? Is regular homework completed on time, and is she prepared for class every day? Does she spend a lot of time studying, but her grades don't reflect her work? Maybe she needs a tutor or additional help from a specialist.
If your child is taking music lessons, is she spending an appropriate amount of time practicing the music? If she never practices or plays the instrument, maybe it's time to give up the lessons. Have this discussion with your child. Ask her if she still enjoys playing the instrument. Her interests may have changed, and she may be ready to move on to something else. Let her know that if she wants to continue on with the instrument, she must commit to practicing every day or on a regular schedule that you both agree on.
Absolute of Organizing Your Family: Give your children a few options that you can live with, and let them choose.
Has the child been assigned chores, but she does not do them? Write down the specific chores. If you have never assigned your kids household chores, maybe this is the time for you to think about it. Giving children chores teaches them responsibility and makes them feel like integral parts of the family.
These areas of homework, musical or sports practice, and chores are just general areas that you should consider when you think about what your child should be doing with her time. When you finish this part of the time management exercise, you should have three pieces of written information:
Armed with this information, you can now proceed to plan out an ideal schedule for your child, one that will make both you and your child happy. You'll want to reassure her that with a little time management, you can fit in a lot of things, but maybe not everything at once.