A long time ago there once lived a princess who could not cry. Her mother, the queen, said, “Darling, that you cannot cry would not matter if you didn’t laugh at everything.” The king and queen became so worried about the princess, they offered a huge bag of gold to anyone who could make her cry.
A wise man arrived at the palace with a plan to make the princess cry. “Feed her nothing but bread and water for a full week. She’ll be crying then.”
The queen protested, “Bread and water? I’m afraid she’ll starve. Couldn’t we feed her bread and milk instead?”
“No! Bread and water! You do want her to cry, don’t you?”
The king and queen wanted the princess to cry, so they commanded that she be fed nothing but bread and water for a full week. At the end of the week the queen went to see the princess.
“Hi, Mama, watch this!” The princess kicked her foot, and her shoe sailed off her foot and hit the wall on the far side of the room. “Isn’t that something? My foot’s so skinny my shoe just flies right off! Want to see me do it again?” The princess laughed and laughed.
The queen cried.
And then she commanded the princess’s usual diet be restored.
Another wise man offered to make the princess cry. Now, this wise man had studied all the cultures of the world to learn how to make every ugly face and every ugly sound there was. He was certain he could make the princess cry.
For a full day the wise man was locked into a room with the princess. At the end of the day her parents came to check on her. The princess sat laughing and laughing. The exhausted wise man was sent home.
“Oh, Mama, he was funny. How soon can he come back?” the princess laughed and laughed.
The queen cried.
More wise men tried, and more wise men failed. The princess laughed and laughed. The queen cried and cried. At last every wise man in the world had failed.
In this same kingdom there lived a poor mother and daughter. The mother was ill but could not afford the medicine that could make her well. Most of the time she was too ill to work, but they ate the food from their garden and managed as best they could. The girl was smart. She had heard about the gold to be won from making the princess cry, so she had been thinking about how she could win it. One morning, the daughter said, “Mama, I think I can make the princess cry. And with the gold I could buy your medicine.”
“Oh, honey,” said her mother, “you can’t make the princess cry. All the wise men in the world have tried and failed.”
But the smart girl had an idea. She walked to the kitchen for a knife, and then to their garden for an onion. She put both into a sack, put the sack in her bike basket, climbed on her bicycle, and pedaled to the palace. Once there, she announced, “I’ve come to make the princess cry.”
The queen said, “Oh, it is lovely of you to want to try, but we’ve consulted all the wise men in the world without success. You need to go home.”
“Couldn’t I at least try?”
Her request sounded reasonable to the queen, so the girl was taken to see the princess. The princess laughed to see a girl wearing such patched clothing, for she had never seen such clothes before, and she was happy to be visited by a child about her own age. She invited the girl to play with her toys. The two of them played and played together.
Then the girl took the knife and onion from her bag. “What’s that?” asked the princess.
“It’s an onion, and I want you to use this knife to cut it into little pieces.”
The princess laughed, “That sounds like fun.” The girl showed the princess how to safely use the knife, and the princess began cutting the onion. Soon tears rolled down her cheeks.
When the king and queen arrived to check on their daughter, the princess was crying. They were so happy they laughed until tears rolled down their cheeks too. The queen presented the girl with a huge bag of gold, saying, “Just think of all the toys you’ll be able to buy with this!”
“Oh, thank you, your Majesty, but I’m not buying toys. My mother is sick. With this gold I can buy all the medicine she needs.”
The queen was surprised. “Your mother needs medicine, and does not have it? I don’t understand. In our kingdom, everyone buys health insurance. It’s the law.”
The girl responded quickly, “Oh, my mother and I do have health insurance. We are law-abiding citizens, your majesty.”
When the queen looked puzzled, the girl explained, “We purchase car insurance too, as required by law. But your majesty, just as having car insurance does not mean we can always afford to pay a mechanic to keep our car running, having health insurance does not mean we can always afford to pay for health care. But rest assured, your majesty, my mother and I do obey all kingdom laws. And now I’ll be able to buy her medicine, and she will be well enough to work again!” The girl curtsied, saying, “Thank you for the gold, Your Majesty.”
The bag of gold was so large and sat so high in her bike basket the girl had to walk her bike home, for she knew she would never have been able to see over the gold while pedaling!
The queen retired to her study. She called her advisors and told them what the girl had said. “Is it true?” she asked, “that even though everyone now has health insurance, the people of my kingdom still do not all have health care?” The advisors had to admit the girl had indeed told the truth.
The girl bought medicine for her mother, and her mother’s health was restored.
The princess begged permission for the girl to come play again, and the two of them became friends. After she had cried that first time, the princess even discovered there were times she cried without cutting up an onion.
The queen and king turned their attention away from making the princess cry. Instead they put their attention on making sure all of their subjects had not just health insurance, but health care. Within a year, everyone in the kingdom enjoyed the same complete health care as the king and queen. And in such a kingdom, led by rulers such as these, it’s no surprise that everyone lived happily, and healthily, ever after.
In 1949 in Hyden, Leslie County, Kentucky, a girl named Agnes Valentine told “The Princess That Could Not Cry” to Leonard Roberts.1 On the field recording, Agnes can be heard saying she heard the story from her sister. Listening to Agnes tell was a joy. Her voice for the princess works especially well because the princess sounds so unaware of the effect her comments will have on her mother.
As I listened to the story, I thought it seemed vaguely familiar. Sure enough, I found a version in a book by Pleasant DeSpain published in 1993. That version is one DeSpain and school children created cooperatively when he observed that many stories featured princesses who could not laugh, but not princesses who could not cry. He invited the students to suggest ideas for making a princess cry without hurting her.2 Cutting an onion provokes tears in DeSpain’s story too, but the attempts at making the princess cry vary from Valentine’s version.
DeSpain’s version awarded land and gold; Valentine’s awarded gold. I awarded gold, but during the editing process for this book I learned that I might have awarded too much gold. Too much gold? Yes, gold is heavy. The amount I described would have crushed her bicycle, and most likely no cloth known could create a bag sturdy enough to hold that much. In keeping with my practice of paying attention to audience feedback, I will recalculate, reimagine, and reshape that portion of the story before I tell it again.
Will the reward be a smaller bag of gold? Will the queen send twenty servants each carrying a bag of gold home with the girl to deliver her reward? Will an especially strong armored car be brought round to deliver the gold? To find out, come hear me tell stories and request “The Princess Who Could Not Cry.”
The references to health insurance are mine, although Valentine’s version does include the need for unaffordable medicine as the motivation for the girl to try her hand at making the princess cry. Yes, in this story my thoughts on the health care issue, one visited and revisited by political powers with seemingly little progress, are included. The references to health care work especially well for mixed-aged audiences. Most children are not aware of the controversy, so the references sail over their heads. All adults in my audiences are aware of the controversy, but haven’t always considered whether having health insurance is truly the same as having health care.
I am self-employed, and I have no employees. Before I married—becoming eligible to purchase health insurance through my husband’s employer’s group insurance plan—the best health insurance I could afford had a $5,000 yearly deductible that I had to meet before an 80/20 co-pay began. And I qualified to purchase that plan only because of my excellent health! Fortunately, my health did not deteriorate, so I could always afford the very few medicines and doctor visits I needed. Now, I pay only slightly more to purchase health insurance through my husband’s employer. My current health insurance plan requires a small co-pay for medicine and doctor visits and no yearly deductible.
Truly, all health insurance plans are not the same. Buying health insurance does not guarantee affordable health care any more than buying car insurance guarantees a person can afford to pay a mechanic for changing the oil, replacing worn brake pads, and other services needed to keep a car running.
Of course, the story could be told without any references to current events. However, story can be a means of addressing issues that are difficult to bring up and address more straightforwardly. Yes, I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been more blatant than subtle in my insertion of issues in this tale. Some would contend my insertion of those issues is downright awkward! I look forward to the day when this story seems strangely out of date because efficient, effective, and affordable health care is always readily available for everyone.