Chapter 3

 

 

 

The man was absolutely impossible. The line between love and hate was a thin one. Tiny, miniscule. Almost non-existent. He let me go again.

I’d been so certain he wanted me back. The way he tracked me with his gaze, the way his body reacted to my touch—he’d closed the freaking curtains so Cam and Anya couldn’t peek into my bedroom, for God’s sake. And all for naught. What the hell had been his intention, anyway?

One more night. That’s what he’d whispered against my skin. I hadn’t heard him clearly—possibly because I hadn’t wanted to—but that had been his plan all along. I’d thought I was winning him over, that he’d figured out the error of his ways and he wanted us to be a couple again. But no, he only wanted one more night.

If he were still here, I swear I’d spit in his face. I’d tell him what an asshole he was and that I hated him.

Almost as much as I still craved him.

Even though I hadn’t fallen into a restless sleep until after dawn, I gave up on sleep around noon, threw off the covers, and decided to head downstairs in search of coffee. Hopefully Anya had thought to ask Karen to buy some last night. Otherwise I was going to have to find the nearest coffee shop, stat, because today, I needed the stuff like vampires needed blood.

Rubbing my eyes and yawning so widely my jaw popped, I walked into the kitchen to find Karen sitting at the counter with a laptop open in front of her. It looked like she was perusing the local paper online.

“Morning, sunshine,” she said, her lips twitching. I hadn’t even bothered to look in the mirror when I brushed my teeth, but I’m betting I looked more like a cloudy day than sunshine.

“I smell coffee,” I said by way of greeting.

She pointed at the coffeemaker perched next to the sink. “Help yourself. Creamer in the fridge. Anya told me you like pumpkin spice flavor.”

“Yep.” I added a dollop generous enough to turn the coffee a light tan color. Slipping onto a barstool, I rested my elbows on the counter and cupped the mug in my hands, sipping with my eyes closed.

“Rough night?”

“You could say that.”

Karen, Anya, and I had spent five hours in a car together, six months ago. That was the extent of my relationship with the woman.

I cracked one eye. Despite outside temps that were probably in the fifties, she wore another pair of cargo shorts and an oversized T-shirt advertising a local pizza place. Her hair was blonde and wavy and didn’t seem to be cut into any particular style. She had green eyes, didn’t wear makeup, and was taller and more muscular than many men I knew.

“Were you ever a blood courtesan?” I asked.

Karen snorted. “Me? A blood courtesan? Do I look remotely sexy to you?”

She looked like someone I’d want to accompany me if I ever had the need to wander down a dark alley. “That’s all in the eye of the beholder,” I said primly.

She laughed. “Not many beholders would be able to convince themselves I’m hot.” She lifted one hand. “Don’t waste your breath trying to make me feel better. I’d rather be a badass anyway.”

“Okay, I won’t try to make you feel better. But I will say that lots of people think badasses and sexiness go hand in hand. So how did you start working for vampires, if you weren’t a blood courtesan?”

“Few years ago, I worked at a club downtown. I was the bouncer. The manager had a real hang-up about vampires, didn’t like them to frequent his establishment. Cam and some of his friends showed up one night, just looking for a good time. The manager figured out that they were vamps and tried to kick them out. Things got physical. Obviously, vampires can handle themselves against humans, usually, but that manager, he was a real piece of work. Cam was actually trying to leave when the guy pulled out a knife and took a swing at him from behind. I got in the way, took the hit for him. Not because it was him, necessarily, but because he hadn’t done anything wrong and didn’t deserve that other guy’s prejudice.

“Afterward, Cam showed up at the hospital, paid my medical bills, and offered me a job. I’ve been working for him ever since.”

“Wow. He really is a good guy, isn’t he?”

“I think so. So does your sister. And a lot of others in Chicago.”

Parnell was one of those others. He and Cam had a bond that had lasted for over a hundred years. Parnell once told me he and Cam had known each other when they were still human.

“So I’m guessing you don’t look like a bus ran you over because you had a little too much fun last night,” Karen commented, heading over to the coffee pot to refill her cup. “Want more?”

“Sure.” She topped off my mug and then grabbed the creamer from the fridge. “Thanks. Why do you say that?”

Dropping back onto her stool, she nodded at me. “You aren’t glowing. Not like really, actually glowing, but, you know, that look. That just fucked look. You definitely don’t have it. More like you’re disappointed over what didn’t happen.”

“I almost think there are cameras installed in my bedroom now.”

“Nah. I’m just good at reading people. Wanna talk about it?”

I canted my head. “You really want to hear about my problems?”

“Not really. But I’ve already read the paper and I hate daytime TV. Not much else to do while my employer sleeps.”

The sleep of the dead. If Parnell weren’t so damn stubborn, I could be doing the same thing, preferably in his bed. I knew from personal experience—with him—that early evening sex was the equivalent of morning sex for vampires.

“Why are you here, if everyone is asleep? Do you live here?”

“Nope. I have my own place in a lot less ritzy part of town. But with Hollis MIA, Cam asked me to hang out here during the day, make sure nobody tries to get to him and Anya while they’re sleeping.”

“He’s that worried?” What about Parnell? Was he in danger too?

Wait, hang on, I no longer cared about Parnell. He didn’t want me, so I no longer wanted him. Maybe if I kept telling myself that, I’d start to believe it.

“That’s a hell of a conversation you have going on in your head.”

I shook my head to clear it of the clutter. No more Parnell. None. Nada. He was dead to me. Well, he was dead anyway, but…

“Just talk out loud, for Christ’s sake,” Karen snapped and I jumped, startled once again into reality.

“It’s Parnell,” I finally admitted.

“The one you were hooking up with a while back?”

My face flamed, even though there was nothing wrong with sleeping with a vampire. Hell, it had been my job until Parnell sent me away. “Yes, him.”

“He didn’t satisfy you last night? That’s interesting. I don’t have any personal experience, but from what I’ve heard, vampires are supposed to be pretty hot in the sack.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have this conversation after all.”

“It’s just sex. It’s not like we’re talking about feelings or something.”

I stared at her, the coffee cooling in my mug. Just sex? Was that all it was? Was that all I ever was to Parnell? No, that couldn’t be. Why would he have sent me away if…if…

“There you go again,” Karen said. “How’s that conversation? Is it more interesting if it’s one-sided?”

I shook my head. “No. It’s just…I…”

She cocked her head. “You thought it was more.”

“No,” I blurted. But, well…yes.

Shaking her head, she said, “That’s the biggest different between us humans and them. We think banging the same guy for an extended period of time means something. And to them, it’s nothing more than a regular dose of blood and sex.”

“That’s not…I didn’t…”

“Uh-huh. Look, I don’t mean to burst your bubble, Abby, but he’s dead. That means he doesn’t have a heart. You can assume you were the best he’s ever had if you want, but that’s it. That’s all there is to it. My guess is, he cut you loose because he knew you were falling and he didn’t want to hurt you. Consider yourself lucky and move on with your life.”

“But…” No, that couldn’t be it. “What about Anya and Cam? They’re so happy. And you can’t tell me they aren’t in love.”

“Sure. But she’s a vampire.”

“So vampires can only fall in love with other vampires? You just said they don’t have hearts.”

“Maybe I said it wrong. Vampires don’t fall in love the same as you and I would. Think about it. If they commit to each other, it’s forever, like literally for all of eternity. So they have to be real careful about doing it. And one thing is for damn certain: they’ll do everything in their power not to fall for a human. Our lifespans are way too short.”

“Which means it makes perfect sense—”

“Don’t even try talking one of these other vamps into turning you, thinking that’s the way to Parnell’s heart. It isn’t, trust me. That guy has issues that stem way deeper than you or me can comprehend. Doing something that huge behind his back will only push him further away. And then you’ll get to spend all of eternity instead of just a few human years feeling sorry for yourself because the vampire you want doesn’t want you.”

“But…”

“You don’t believe me,” she said matter-of-factly. “That Parnell doesn’t have feelings for you.”

“I have my doubts, yes.”

She slid off the barstool and put her coffee mug into the dishwasher. “Two nights ago, Parnell hooked up with a blood courtesan.”

“Yes, well, he needs blood to survive.”

“By hooked up, I mean they fucked, Abby. And she wasn’t the first one since you’ve been gone. He moved on as soon as he slammed the door on your ass. Does that sound like someone who had feelings for you?”

I rubbed at my chest. This sensation in my heart was a physical pain. I think it was worse this time than six months ago.

Karen stepped up next to me and dropped a massive hand onto my shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry I’m coming off so harsh. You seem like an intelligent person, and I don’t want you to waste your best years mooning over some guy who couldn’t give two shits about you.”

I placed my mug on the counter so I could cover my face with my hands. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t go home. I hate that life. But I can’t stay here, not with Parnell in such close proximity. Not if what you’re saying is true.”

She would know, far better than me. Her entire life revolved around vampires. I had been nothing more than a sex object from whom they could also get sustenance, and even then, I had done it for less than a year.

“You want my advice?”

“I suspect you’ll give it to me either way.”

She chuckled and patted my shoulder. “Take a vacation. Go do something fun. Somewhere where you stand a better chance of hanging out with humans instead of vampires. Just to get away from all this for a while.”

A vacation, alone? I’d never done that before. “Vampires are pretty much everywhere, though.”

“Not necessarily. They need dark places to sleep during the day. And an island in the middle of the ocean doesn’t afford much protection against the sun. All we come away with is a nasty sunburn, but island life for a vamp is like playing Russian roulette. And nobody wakes up from the true death, not even vampires.”

“A vacation,” I murmured. Maybe Karen was right. Maybe getting away—to someplace I actually wanted to go instead of back home—was exactly what I needed to get over Parnell. Because if what she was saying was true and he didn’t care about me, it was time to quit making a fool of myself by throwing myself at him, seeing things that weren’t there, holding onto hope that he might change his mind.

Yes. A vacation was exactly what I needed. Somewhere far away. Somewhere sunny, maybe to spite him but mostly because it would help buoy my spirits. And maybe, just maybe, when I returned to the mainland, I’d have a lovely tan and a new outlook on life.