Chapter Four
The Paradox of Life
Mortality is a school of suffering and trials. We are here that we may be educated in a school of suffering and of fiery trials, which school was necessary for Jesus, our Elder Brother, who, the scriptures tell us, “was made perfect through suffering.” It is necessary that we suffer in all things, that we may be qualified and worthy to rule, and govern all things, even as our Father in Heaven and His eldest son, Jesus.
Lorenzo Snow
Joy and Happiness, Sorrow and Tribulation
There is a puzzling paradox in life as we know it.
A paradox is a statement or a set of facts that seems contradictory, but which is nevertheless true. And life is a paradox. Mortality, or this probationary state as the scriptures call it, contains what appears to be an enormous contradiction. Note the following scriptural passages:
| Lehi taught that “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). | Yet God said to Adam and Eve, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. . . . Cursed shall be the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life” (Moses 4:22–23; Genesis 3:16–17). (Note: The Hebrew word used in Genesis that is translated as “sorrow” conveys | |
| more than just grief. It includes the idea of labor, toil, pain, and travail.1) | ||
| In his vision, Lehi saw that the fruit of the tree of life “was desirable to make one happy” (1 Nephi 8:10); and that it filled the “soul with exceedingly great joy” (1 Nephi 8:12). It was “the most desirable above all things. . . . Yea, and the most joyous to the soul” (1 Nephi 11:22–23). | The prophet Jacob said of his life: “Our lives passed away like as it were unto us a dream, we being a lonesome and a solemn people, wanderers, cast out from Jerusalem, born in tribulation, in a wilderness, and hated of our brethren, which caused wars and contentions; wherefore, we did mourn out our days” (Jacob 7:26). | |
| Alma taught that the plan of salvation is also known as “the great plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8, 16). | Yet both Nephi and Alma described this life as a “vale” or “valley of sorrow” (2 Nephi 4:26; Alma 37:45). Isaiah said, “I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction” (Isaiah 48:10; see also 54:16); and the Psalmist noted, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous” (Psalm 34:19). In Proverbs we read, “Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful” (Proverbs 14:13). | |
| To the twelve disciples in America, the resurrected Christ said, “Ye shall have fulness of joy; and ye shall sit down in the kingdom of my Father; yea, your joy shall be full” (3 Nephi 28:10). | To the twelve apostles in Jerusalem, the mortal Jesus said: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). |
A Bishop’s Experience
When I was called as a new bishop some years ago, I received some wonderful advice from a good friend and experienced priesthood leader.
“When I was a new bishop,” he said, “I used to sit on the stand in sacrament meeting and look out over the congregation. I would notice a new family sitting in the audience and think to myself, ‘Oh, that must be the Jones family who just moved in by the Browns. I wonder what we could call them to do.’ But after I had been a bishop for a year or so, I would sit on the stand and look out and see a new family, and say to myself, ‘Oh, a new family. I wonder what problems they have?’”
At first I thought his statement was a bit of an exaggeration. When he said that everyone had “problems,” I thought he was talking about “spiritual problems”—sins or transgressions. But as my service as a bishop continued, I quickly learned something that I believe is true of virtually every bishop and branch president in the Church. I could pass through my ward and point to almost any house and name a problem that family was facing. The list included aging parents living in the home; wayward children who were breaking their parents’ hearts; a personal or family health crisis; deep depression or clinical anxiety in a loved one; a crumbling marriage; addictions to pornography, drugs, or alcohol; loss of employment and the resulting financial crisis that follows; a crippling accident; or the tragic, unexpected death of a family member.
And those were just the problems I knew about!
The Challenges of Good Times
Not all the problems I saw were caused by some kind of tragic twist of fate or personal disaster. We lived in a peaceful, beautiful setting with a low crime rate and much harmony in the community. Our ward was not a wealthy ward, but we had strong, stable families, experiencing, for the most part, a comfortable level of affluence by the world’s standards.
I learned as a bishop, and it has been validated many times since, that not all trials come from tragic circumstances, no more than all sin and transgression comes from open rebellion. Life is complex, and human beings are complex. Good times bring their own kind of challenges. Mormon gave this warning as he abridged the history of the Nephites: “We may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, . . . yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, . . . yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity” (Helaman 12:2).
Some years ago, Elder Melvin J. Ballard issued a similar warning:
The sorest trials that have ever come to the Church in any age of the world are the trials of peace and prosperity. But we are to do a new thing, a thing that never has before been done—We are to take the Church of Christ not only through the age of persecution and mob violence, but through the age of peace and prosperity. For we must learn to endure faithfully even in peace and prosperity. . . .
For it was not the design and the intention of the Lord to have this people always in suffering in bondage and distress. They shall come to peace and prosperity, but it is the sorest trial that will come to them.2
Priesthood leaders frequently see problems arising from this happier side of life as well as from the darker and more challenging side. It is not uncommon to hear of families with three or four times the average income of others being the ones who end up deepest in debt. Some individuals, in their desire to be successful and provide a comfortable lifestyle for their family, set the “good things of life” as their highest priority. Surely these good things of life are not evil in and of themselves, yet the quest for them may bring unexpected and unintended consequences.
During my service in an area presidency, and then for two years with the Missionary Department, I dealt with several missionaries who insisted on going home early because their missions just weren’t “fun.” In many of those cases, I learned that their family’s affluence had allowed them to live a lifestyle filled with ATVs, jet skis, skiing, surfing, playing video games, taking vacations to exotic places, and so on. Is there anything wrong with those things? Of course not. But this “ease” and “prosperity,” as Mormon called it, were now having their effect. And parents and families were devastated.
When I asked one young man what he planned to do if he did go home, he said that his primary goal right now was to achieve level seven of some video game he had played before coming into the field. I felt like weeping for him, for his family, and for his future wife and children.
I have learned something else as a priesthood leader. Lehi spoke of those who fall away into “forbidden paths” and are lost (1 Nephi 8:28). In my early years I tended to stereotype such individuals as rebellious and steeped in sin. And there is no question that sometimes some people just want to be bad. But I’ve learned that it is far more common for us to fall into sin and transgression for more human reasons—boredom, loneliness, low self-esteem, a desire to love and be loved, laziness, a longing to be accepted by peers, simple curiosity, or just plain lack of good sense.
Several years ago, a priesthood leader told me of another tragic case. He was working with a girl of seventeen or eighteen who was having an affair with a married man twice her age. She had been active in the church and still was. Her parents were active members, but there were a lot of problems in the home. Her father left the family for another woman when this girl was in her early teens. The mother had so many emotional problems of her own that this young woman had been basically pushed aside.
When this priesthood leader realized that nothing he was saying was getting through to her, he said, “But don’t you understand? What you are doing has eternal consequences. If you continue in this relationship, it could stop you from entering the celestial kingdom.”
She looked at him for a long moment, then, in a low voice, said, “Don’t you understand? I would rather be loved for one hour right now, than have an eternity in the celestial kingdom.”
A Side Note
It has been my experience that there are some individuals in life whose problems and challenges greatly complicate the process of gaining faith and testimony for them. I speak of sexual abuse, same-gender attraction, and clinical depression or mental illness.
These circumstances are often so emotionally and spiritually crippling that they leave an individual feeling deeply alienated from God. This may be reflected as deep anger because God allowed this to happen to them or that “He made me this way.” In other cases, they don’t directly blame God, but they feel so totally unworthy that they believe they are unloved and unlovable. And therefore they are without hope. They may turn to alcohol, drugs, or promiscuous sex in their desperation to cope with the pain.
Usually these problems require much more than well-intentioned admonitions to “try harder,” or “be more faithful.” Such individuals may need the help of trained professionals and might require prolonged use of medications, or even hospitalization, in the case of mental illness. This book does not attempt to address those specific problems and was not meant to suggest that what is discussed here may be the solution to such deeply rooted challenges.
Unfortunately, these difficult challenges not only affect those who are struggling with the problems, they directly impact friends, family members, and other caregivers. This can create heavy burdens for them as well. For those looking for answers within the Church, the following can provide help:
•Bishops and stake presidents can provide information and access to resources produced by the Church to help people struggling with these challenges. That includes referring them to LDS Social Services or other professional individuals or organizations.
•LDS Social Services provides not only counseling but an extensive library on how to deal with social, emotional, and spiritual problems. These can be accessed in person (usually through a referral from a priesthood leader) or online at www.ldsfamilyservices.org.
Here are some recently printed resources that may help:
•M. Russell Ballard, Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some Things We Do Not (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1993).
•“Bipolar Disorder: My Lessons in Love, Hope, and Peace,” Ensign, January 2009, 62–67.
•Jeffrey R. Holland, “Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction,” Ensign, October 2007, 42–45.
•Alexander B. Morrison, “Myths about Mental Illness,” Ensign, October 2005, 31–35.
•Alexander B. Morrison, Valley of Sorrow: A Layman’s Guide to Understanding Mental Illness (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2003).
•Dallin H. Oaks, “Same-Gender Attraction,” Ensign, October 1995, 7–14.
•Ann F. Pritt, “Healing the Spiritual Wounds of Sexual Abuse,” Ensign, April 2001, 58–63.
•Richard G. Scott, “To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse,” Ensign, May 2008, 40–43.
•Understanding Same-Sex Attraction: Where to Turn, and How to Help (Lehi, Utah: Foundation for Attraction Research, 2009).
Life Is Good; Life Is Hard
So there is the paradox. Life is good in so many ways. We are blessed in so many ways. There is joy and peace and happiness to be had. But just around the next corner, even lurking close by, we may find, as Brigham Young said, “sorrow, grief, mourning, woe, misery, pain, anguish and disappointment.”3
This is because we were sent to earth to gain experience and to prove ourselves. Unfortunately, the strongest and most resilient plants grow outside of the hothouse. That means that the Garden of Eden just wouldn’t do as a proving ground. Or, to use another metaphor, the most precious metals are refined in the fire. As the Lord said, “Behold, I have created the smith that bloweth the coals in the fire, and that bringeth forth an instrument for his work” (Isaiah 54:16).
For those who desire to become an instrument in the hands of God, those are sobering words.
Elder Bruce R. McConkie tied adversity, in its many forms, to this testing, purifying process:
I say that this life never was intended to be easy. It is a probationary estate in which we are tested physically, mentally, morally, and spiritually. We are subject to disease and decay. We are attacked by cancer, leprosy, and contagious diseases. We suffer pain and sorrow and afflictions. Disasters strike; floods sweep away our homes; famines destroy our food; plagues and wars fill our graves with dead bodies and our broken homes with sorrow. . . .
Temptations, the lusts of the flesh, evils of every sort—all these are part of the plan, and must be faced by every person privileged to undergo the experiences of mortality.4
George Q. Cannon, of the First Presidency, explained it this way:
The Saints should always remember that God sees not as man sees; that he does not willingly afflict his children, and that if he requires them to endure present privation and trial, it is that they may escape greater tribulations which would otherwise inevitably overtake them. If He deprives them of any present blessing, it is that he may bestow upon them greater and more glorious ones by-and-by.5
The Threshing Sled
Threshing is the process whereby the edible kernels of various cereal grains, such as wheat or oats, are separated from the inedible chaff that surrounds them. In ancient times, this was a laborious and tedious process. The Romans, with their usual engineering ingenuity, developed what came to be known as a “threshing sledge,” or sled, as we would say, to make the process more efficient and less labor-intensive.
Similar to a modern toboggan, only wider and shorter, a threshing sled had pieces of metal or sharp stones driven into the underside of the wood in order to provide a rough cutting edge. The harvested stalks of grain were spread out on a flat, hard surface called the threshing floor, and animals would drag the sled around and around over the grain stalks.
In Latin, the threshing sled was called the tribulum. Yes, that’s right. This is the source of our word “tribulation.” Sometimes life has a way of feeling like one giant threshing sled, doesn’t it? Perhaps if all adversity came in quick, short bursts, or if all toil could be done in the cool of the morning, we could endure it better. But so often the demands of life are unyielding and the pressure is never ending. It feels like we are the stalks of grain spread out on the threshing floor, and life keeps going around and around over the top of us, pressing down, grinding away, stripping away any joy and happiness we might have known.
Someone once quipped: “The thing about life is, it’s so daily!” Words like relentless, implacable, unsparing, persistent, inexorable, and merciless describe some aspects of our mortal experience. Sometimes grief piles upon grief, adversity turns into tribulation, sorrow pushes aside happiness, joy is swallowed up in suffering. Poverty, war, anarchy, and tyranny all bring their own form of tribulation. But as we have seen, peace and prosperity are no guarantee that life will be merry and filled with perpetual gaiety either. One might say that tribulation and adversity are “equal opportunity” employers. There is no discrimination on their part. They are generous with the rich and the poor, the famous and the obscure, the happy and the sad, the righteous and the wicked, the healthy and the sick, the whole and the maimed.
Tribulation is part of mortal life. But it will not always be so. When we leave this life, if we have sought to be faithful, we shall enter into “a state of happiness, . . . a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow” (Alma 40:12). Until then, the tribulum awaits.
To Summarize
We are told in several places in the scriptures that we must “endure to the end” (e.g., 1 Nephi 22:31; 2 Nephi 31:20; D&C 14:7). That’s an interesting choice of words, isn’t it? It doesn’t say that we shall “coast along until it’s over,” or “skip happily on our way, singing, and strewing rose petals along the path.” It doesn’t even say that we must “persevere to the end,” though, obviously, perseverance will be required. It says that we must endure. “Endure” comes from the Latin root, durare, which means to last, to be strong, or to become hard.6
My daughter shared this experience with me that had been told to her by a close friend:
My friend Roberta was complaining to her mother that her life was not going like she had hoped and planned that it would. “Mom, I’m keeping the commandments,” she said, “honoring my covenants, serving in the Church. I’m doing everything, but my life is not working out.”
Her mom looked her in the eye and said, “Roberta, you have it backward. This life isn’t the reward. This life is the test.”
My mother taught me a similar lesson when, at a family gathering, one of our children asked her: “Grandma, you’ve lived more than eighty years now. What changes have you noticed?” I’m not sure what I expected her to say, but it sure wasn’t what she said. She fired right back with this:
People never said “Have a nice day” until the 1970s. We didn’t expect to have a nice day. We knew it would be hard. Our life was hard. Our friends’ lives were hard. It had always been hard for us, and we figured it would always be hard. But we were all in it together, and so it was all right. Then in the ’70s everyone started saying, “Have a nice day.” And then people felt gypped if they weren’t having a “nice day” kind of life.
While Paul and Barnabas were preaching the gospel in a city called Lystra, some of Paul’s enemies came and stirred up the town against the missionaries. Paul was stoned and left for dead. Fortunately, he survived, and the next day he and Barnabas left the city and travelled to Derbe. There Paul exhorted the Saints to “continue in the faith,” and told them that “we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22).
The purpose of this book is not to dwell on the more difficult side of life, nor to fully explore the question of tribulation and adversity. Our question is: How do we strengthen our faith and deepen our testimony to the point that we can endure whatever life holds in store for us and come out stronger than before? What we have learned in this chapter is that this will not be easy. The challenges will not come only intermittently to us, and they may come in good times or bad.
Notes
Epigraph. Lorenzo Snow, in Clyde J. Williams, The Teachings of Lorenzo Snow (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1984), 119.
^1. See William Wilson, Wilson’s Old Testament Word Studies (Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 1990), 406.
^2. Melvin J. Ballard, in Conference Report, April 1929, 66. Note the date of his address; the Great Depression began just six months later.
^3. Brigham Young, as cited in Daniel H. Ludlow, ed., Latter-day Prophets Speak (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1948), 28.
^4. Bruce R. McConkie, “The Dead Who Die in the Lord,” Ensign, November 1976, 106.
^5. George Q. Cannon, in Millennial Star (3 October 1863): 25:634.
^6. Random House Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary (New York: Random House Reference, 2010), s.v. “endure.”