‘Agh, Lissa, that is too terrible. No wonder you drank.’ Karlos is sitting up next to me, his eyes still narrowed with the same intense concern they’d shown the whole time I poured out my pain. I squeeze back the tears. My chest feels like I’ve been stabbed. I’ve never spoken to anyone fully about Dad’s murder, not even Nat or Elsa, and yet with Karlos it felt so natural to just let it all come out. A deep sigh shudders through me. Karlos moves closer, puts his arm around my huddled frame.
‘Sometimes you just need time to pass … you’re lucky they didn’t shoot you too.’
I give an ironic laugh. ‘I guess it wasn’t my time.’
Karlos’ arm tightens around me and we sit in silence for few minutes. I push my fingers through the short green blades of grass and breathe in their fresh lawn fragrance. The blades tickle softly against my flesh and the dappled sun is warm on my bare head. I close my eyes and let it wash over me. My head is light and my whole body has become weightless. When people say a burden is lifted off your shoulders, it’s true. The loss of heaviness which has held me down is tangible. I guess I’ve carried the burden of Dad’s loss so deep inside for the last five years, deeper and more hidden than I ever thought, and now it’s as if a big, heavy black lid has been yanked away. Karlos is still holding me tight. It’s so long since I’ve felt a man hold me like this, a gesture of pure care and concern with nothing sexual. My cheeks warm. I can’t believe I’ve told him all this when we hardly even know each other, and yet it felt so right. I guess when you meet someone you really click with, time is irrelevant. Bonds come from a spiritual connection not a material one.
I draw in a long, slow breath and feel it ease through my veins. I open my eyes and look sideways at Karlos. He’s chewing on a blade of grass and staring out into the distance. I glance back up at the house. I’m sure Hattie is spying on us and no doubt sniggering with Wolf, but who cares?
Karlos looks down at me. ‘It’s bad when the man goes.’ He clears his throat. ‘Was your mom okay?’
I shrug. ‘Not emotionally. She kept the Lieberstein wine factory in business.’
‘Agh, no …’ says Karlos. He gives a laugh. ‘But at least you weren’t left poor.’ He pauses. ‘That happened to my ma. Her father … he was also murdered.’
‘Was he? I’m sorry.’
‘Agh, it’s okay. I never knew him. Some blacks came on the farm and murdered him.’ Karlos falls silent. ‘They lost the farm … everything. Ay, my Ma said it was hard. They had to even beg for food.’ He pats my thigh. ‘But I’m glad that didn’t happen to you. Your Dad left you guys alright?’
I nod and give a sad smile. ‘Something to be grateful for, I guess.’
‘Ja, it helps. He sounds like a good man.’ Karlos looks up at the window of the house. ‘Shit, Helen’s just come in the lounge,’ he whispers, drawing his arm away from me. He grunts and gets to his feet. ‘We’d better go.’
I grimace. ‘We’re probably going to be told off.’
‘Agh, so what,’ says Karlos, giving me a wink.
I smile and brush the flecks of grass from my jeans. We exchange a brief conspiratorial look as we make our way back to the lounge. Helen narrows her eyes and gives us a fixed smile as we enter while Hattie smirks. I keep my back straight with my head held high, return Helen’s smile and ignore Hattie. I know this thing with Karlos is all happening a bit too fast, but at the same time, what the hell. It’s not every day you meet a kindred spirit and at least it’ll make this time in Shaloma palatable, and who knows, maybe even fun?
‘You two have a good time?’ Hattie’s rasping voice drips with sarcasm. She lights up a smoke and holds out the pack to Wolf. He helps himself and lights up. They move over to the bar and stand smirking at us through a pall of grey smoke.
I ignore them and pour two glasses of water. I hand one to Karlos.
‘Alison was looking for you,’ says Wolf, still smirking.
‘What for?’ Karlos snaps.
‘Aren’t you friends?’ sneers Hattie.
The door opens. Alison stands framed in the doorway. Her head jerks back when she sees us. A mottled pink rash spreads across her neck and upper chest.
Hattie smirks. ‘He was outside with Melissa.’
Alison’s mouth twitches and her eyes dart from Karlos to me and back to Karlos. Her hands ball into fists and she turns abruptly, leaving the door slamming behind her.
‘Agh, shame,’ says Hattie. ‘I think she’s upset.’
‘Ja, you broke her heart,’ says Wolf.
‘Fuck off,’ says Karlos. He scrunches up his face and leans towards Hattie. ‘Stop stirring. She’s just a girl.’
‘Ja, and she thought you fancied her.’ Hattie looks at me as she spits out the words.
My chest tightens. What a bitch she is, but I’m not going to give her any satisfaction if she thinks she can get to me.
Helen looks down at her watch with a grim face. ‘I think you all know the rule on relationships. It’s time for exercise class. Why don’t you go and change?’
Karlos pulls a face while Hattie and Wolf remain lolling against the bar and smirking.
‘Good idea,’ I say. I smile at Karlos and strut past Hattie and Wolf with my head held high. I smirk as I sense her burning eyes following me. Wait till she sees me in my gym gear.