Nat, Elsa and Karlos sit tight-faced in front of a desk. A woman dressed in the blue Standard Bank uniform sifts through papers. I flinch as I realise it’s my will. She shoves a paper in front of Karlos and he signs it. Elsa looks at him with hooded eyes. Nat sits tense and silent, staring in front of her. The woman pushes two papers towards Nat and Elsa which they sign in silence. The room is tense and hot despite the air conditioning.
‘Thank you. Things should be finalised in approximately four months. I’ll be in touch as soon as I hear.’
As they exit the building Karlos turns to my sisters, ‘Stay well,’ he says.
Elsa gives him a curt nod, while Nat manages a half-smile. My spirit tightens. Can’t they see he’s in pain? They know how much I loved him. Can’t they at least try to be nice for my sake?
Elsa watches Karlos stride away. ‘I don’t like him, I really don’t.’
‘I can see that,’ Nat says.
‘Why’s he even here? Liss hardly knew him, for fuck’s sake. How long was it? Four months? That’s nothing.’ Elsa gives her head a shake. ‘There’s something off about him.’
Nat bites her bottom lip. ‘Do you think he had something to do with Lissa’s fit?’
Elsa stands staring into space, her face etched in thought. ‘Quite possibly. I wouldn’t put it past him … I just don’t know how to get to the truth.’ She lets out a long sigh. ‘Let’s go for a drink.’
‘Oh Els, please, no.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Natalie,’ says Elsa, glaring at her. ‘I don’t mean get drunk. I just need something to relax me. Surely you do too?’
Nat nods. ‘What an awful day … everything’s so surreal.’
‘Beyond awful,’ says Elsa, ‘that’s why I need a drink. Come on, let’s drive out to the thousand hills. I need some scenery and some space. We’ll go and see Mom later.’
A cocktail of sadness and confusion sits deep in my spirit as I watch my two sisters walk away arm and arm and melt into the crowds. I guess Elsa’s just speaking from her pain. Surely she can’t think that the drink is going to help after all we’ve been through. How things have turned – now it’s me worrying about Elsa drinking. An intense feeling of hopelessness washes over me. Why do I have to see all this like some helpless watcher? Why can’t I just go on to heaven and be happy?